Doom Metal Alchemist

Imagine the porn, especially with nipples squirting piss, as you suggested.

"Halloween-ween"?

WRONG

WHAT.... is your quest?

She may had had dementia, lol.

Tell that to the patrons of Studio 54!

That's called a catfish. There are many of them out there.

Happy belated!

Well if you feel it's a good thing, then I say congrats!

So where's YOUR lewds?

It's a me, a Mario, I tell ya h'wat!

WHAT.... is your name?

Whose ass is Einstein trying to kick? Also lol, Steven Hawking has the use of his limbs.

Coach McGuirk best coach.

Not that one. That one's clearly the devil.

The hell happened to Scary Spice? Did she turn out to be a Nazi????

I just went to San Francisco yesterday for a concert for the second time in two months. San Francisco needs to be wiped off the map. And it has nothing to do with it being liberal or anything like that. Did the city as a whole at some point just take a moral stand against parking lots? I would estimate 0.0001% of businesses in the whole city have a parking lot. You pretty much have to pay to use a parking garage, or TRY parking on the street. But good luck finding a place to park on the street. And those street spaces are filled 24/7, it's not like they open up by 11:00 PM, oh no. You'll never park by where you want to be. Ever. Starbucks doesn't have a parking lot. McDonald's has a parking lot consisting of 3 parking spaces. You know where in San Francisco you WILL find a place to park? A certain road, I think it was called Park Presidio Blvd. Everyone on there is parked unintentionally. Jesus Fucking Christ. I've driven in LA freeway traffic before, and I thought that was bad. I expected bay area traffic to be like this on the freeway, but not on a "normal" road. I spent about 3 and a half hours driving about 160 miles from my home town to San Francisco, and then when I get to Park Presidio Blvd., it takes me AN HOUR AND 20 MINUTES to drive 2 FUCKING MILES. I wanted to murder everyone in the city. When I was on 19th Ave, I believe that was the street I was on before I turned onto Park Presidio, my GPS said my ETA was 5:51. Once I'm stuck in traffic, I get to thinking, "heh, probably get there right when the doors open" (doors opened at 6:15). Eventually I come to think, "I'll be lucky to get there by 6:30." Eventually I think, "I'll be lucky to get there by 7:00" (which is when I assumed the first band was going on). Eventually I thought, "I'll be lucky to be there by 7:30, and I'll more than likely miss Battle Beast (the first band) entirely!" and at this point I am fucking pissed. More minutes pass of my car being parked in the middle of the road (literally, I stopped holding the break pedal, I just put the fucking thing in park until it was time to move, did that many times), and wondering if I'll miss the second band too. And then finally, we start moving at a crawl, but compared to the previous hour+ it was practically the speed of fucking light. Then I finally get off that god-forsaken road to smooth traffic flow again. Now my GPS's ETA is 7:09 (remember, it was at 5:51 a mere 2 miles ago when I turned onto that street). Whenever I'm making long trips, my GPS often says, "delay of x minutes coming up in x miles, on fastest route", but it never had any delay notification for this bullshit. It's supposed to tell me if it finds a faster route, including because of heavy traffic. Never gave me anything, despite looking at the map on the GPS, it looks like I had approximately 1,000 alternate streets I could have took. Were they all as congested as this monstrosity? So by the time I get to my seat in the venue, either I missed the first band's first song entirely and came in the middle of their second song, or I came in the middle of their first song. Bummer, because I was excited to see this band. But not as bad as I thought it would be, I got to my seat at 7:18, I figured they'd be almost done by then. I guess they must've started their set at either 7:10 or 7:15, since the Doors opened at 6:15. I assumed they were going to start at 7:00 and end at 7:30. They ended at 7:45. Battle Beast, good band. The second band was Sonata Arctica. The first thing I noticed was the singer has the hair style of a 90s boy band member. Then I noticed the drummer has a He-Man hair cut and is wearing a collared shirt. Not very metal. I was not into the singer's voice at all. Also not very metal. Apparently the last several of this band's albums are not very popular with their "original" fanbase, and 2 of the songs they played were from their latest album (released in the last month or so) and 2 were from the album before that. Those four songs accounted for probably more than half their set. I can see why these albums are not well-liked by the old guard. They did play at least one song from their first album, and that was a good song. Kamelot, the third band and headliner was really good. I enjoyed all the songs they played, and they played for like an hour and 15 minutes including the encore. Occasionally a female back-up singer would pop-up and god DAMN was she some eye candy. She does really good harsh metal vocals. I'm more a fan of clean vocals though. Except for her parts, all three bands basically used exclusively clean vocals (Sonata Arctica's and Kamelot's lead singers are men, and Battle Beasts' is a woman). I can't remember if it was the last song before the encore or the last song completely, the singer from Battle Beast joined in and sang back-up with Kamelot. That was a nice treat. Alright, now back to why I want San Francisco wiped off the map... I assumed it was a city of nightlife, where things would actually be open. After the concert, I figure I'll stop at a McDonald's, get something to eat and use the bathroom before the drive home. So the McDonald's I find, the dining room is closed. Huh? I look at their hours. They closed their dining room at 9:00 PM. 9:00 PM????? ON A FUCKING FRIDAY????? Around here where I live fucking Burger King's dining room is open until 10:00, McDonald's until midnight. What the fuck is this shit? So I figure I'll just go to the Chevron I went to when I first arrived in the city and get something from the 24 hour mini mart. So I get there, and the 24 hour mini mart also closed its doors at 9:00 PM. Again, on a fucking friday! You can still buy shit there through a window, but I needed to use the bathroom too. Luckily the guy working there was nice enough to tell me that the Shell station at the corner has bathrooms open to the public. On my way out of the Chevron, I noticed a Starbucks, and my first instinct was to just go there, but it looked closed. WTF? I thought coffee shops were supposed to be open late! What the fuck is wrong with this fucking city?? I could've sworn I've been at a local Starbucks at midnight before... in San Fran at 11:00 PM on a Friday, this one looked closed.... I can only guess like everything else, it closed at 9:00. I didn't go over there and look at their hours, so who knows, but my gut says they closed at 9:00. So I go to the shell, go to the bathroom, get some snacks and eat them in the car, and head home. It's like if you're from out of town leaving for home after 9:00 PM and you're looking for food and bathroom, you're pretty fucked.

When the video has no sound. It could be the hottest thing visually, but if there's no sound, it's hard to get into it. Music completely covering the sounds of the performer(s) also sucks too, but it's not as automatic a boner killer as no sound.

That was actually a favorite insult of one of my childhood friends.

Yikes. I'm sure you're already aware, but in college, D does NOT equal diploma.

So basically, you wish you and Sascha were both pregnant at the same time?

Run! Run while you can!

Well, the question is, are you jealous of Ash, or Pikachu? Eh, doesn't matter, you're weird either way.

Also tell him I said he looks like a cross between Seth Rogen and Matt Stone, plz.

What if GOD'S Name was TODD