Doom Metal Alchemist

Has a strange obsession with The Olive Garden.

Replaces the replacement plastic forks and spoons with sporks.

Replaces Olive Garden's stolen urinal cakes with their chocolate cakes.

Was the real-life inspiration for the character Al Bundy.

Sold his mom's VCR to get the hooha.

Only knows that because he was the casting director.

Sent in countless letters to The Simpsons demanding more Disco Stu.

Judging by past behaviors of all board members, would absolutely be the first one to volunteer to sleep with fuggs. Had to go to rehab for his addiction to fuggs' hooha.

Had to go to rehab for his chicken biryani addiction

Wears an eyepatch over one eye, not because something happened to his eye, and not because he wants too look more like a pirate, but rather he's trying to get people to call him "Patch."

Has made it his life's ambition to create "Mode 8" graphics.

Am I crazy or didn't we already wish him a happy birthday significantly less than a year ago? Happy birthday all the same, I guess.

Loves his vacuum cleaner because it sucks

The special effects budget ran out.

Confuses Tony Iommi for Ritchie Blackmore, as Iommi was the one who liked to light his bandmate's legs on fire.

Got his balls caught in his zipper and accidentally did the most perfect metal scream known to man.

Was a first ballot-er in the badminton hall of fame.

Started a breadstick sword fight with a server at the local Olive Garden.

Wrote a tell-all exposé on David Schwimmer.

Writes Mega Man fanfics.

Oh I thought you were saying I was trolling, my bad.

@Swim_DrewId

Not trolling, but I will concede that bacon makes good toppings on pizza and burgers. But bacon strips for breakfast as a side with like eggs and sausage or something, bacon like that sucks. Also people only hate pineapple on pizza so much because they're told to. Literally any single other pizza topping under the goddamn sun someone doesn't like, it's like "Eh, I don't like mushrooms/olives/green peppers/whatever." But with pineapple everyone fucking frothes at the mouth 'PINEAPPLE DOESN'T BELONG ON PIZZA YOU HEATHENS."

Bacon sucks and pineapple is one of the best pizza toppings, so come fight me, Internet.

Any chance of getting Sawdy back here? I thought nabs was the reason he left.