Doom Metal Alchemist

....Are you having sex with Christmas trees now?

Resurrected specifically said "christmas tree." Christmas tree =/= literally any type of tree on god's green Earth.

Who wears a baseball cap and sunglasses during a job interview?

Douglas fir trees are not even remotely "everywhere" let alone "free everywhere." WTF are you you talking about?

^ This is like my exact thoughts on probably MOST of my coworkers wearing their hoodies while working. Yeah it's cold outside, but it sure as fuck ain't cold in the building. Every single day, no matter the time of year, I wear shorts and a t-shirt to work. I may wear a jacket in the parking lot, but I take it off when I get inside and I don't put it back on until it's time to go back to the parking lot after shift. I remember when my dad first started having me mowing the lawn during the winter. I would put on long pants, and wear a jacket zipped up all the way, and just stepping outside I'd be freezing, even with all that on. 5-10 minutes after starting mowing though.... I'd just basically throw the mower down and rip my jacket AND shirt off as fast I can and roll up my pant-legs because all of a sudden it feels like I'm in an oven.... Then I go back inside, up to my room, change out of my long pants and into shorts, and leave my jacket and shirt inside and finish mowing the lawn in nothing but shorts and not feel cold at all. That's what doing physical activity does to you in cold weather, it makes it feel like it's not cold at all.... and it literally ISN'T cold in the building in the first place.... I cannot for the fucking life of me understand how people with the same job as me, and especially those with MORE physical jobs than me wear long pants and hoodies while working. I'm never not hot as hell at work just wearing shorts and a t-shirt.

Happy birthday!

I don't think she's facially attractive either.... She kinda looks like a famous fitness model, Jillian something or other....

Happy birthday!

I can't tell which band this is supposed to be.

Don't worry, I'm buying two pumpkin pies... One for dessert and the other to hit you in face with when I greet you at the door. 😝

Goddamn, I pity any dude you're in a romantic relationship with. 😝

Bimbology. Bimbography would be like "the writing of bimbos" or something. Without looking it up I don't know what -osophy means.

......."Iota"?

Generally nothing, because, even though there are always dishes I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole, there is always enough food I do like for me. The one pick I can agree with though is Ham. Close, but not quite. Ham is acceptable any time EXCEPT THANKS-FUCKING-GIVING. THANKSGIVING IS TURKEY. END OF GODDAMN STORY. Although, again, if both turkey and ham are served, that's fine. But if its like, "We're not having turkey this year, we're doing ham instead," Fuck you. That's it, I'm banning YOU from Thanksgiving. 😜

How does a turtle make an effective member of an entourage?

I would tag benji but I forgot his current screen name.

Are we making this a meme? Because I can hella get behind that.

You're probably right. I know GMILF porn is a (very niche) thing, but is GFILF too?

Not when your debut finally comes and you're old, wrinkly, covered in liver spots, with small patches of white hair adorning your mostly bald head. 😝

Sea Lab, underneath the water....

Some pretty funny prima-donnaism by Orson Welles: Renowned voice actor Maurice LeMarche becomes entranced: And does the whole damn thing in Pinky and the Brain: You may also remember Maurice poking fun at this in The Critic which was great too:

IronReaver was taken and I wanted that name so bad.... I could've used a dash or underscore, but nope, went with SS for yes, soul stealer.

OBVIOUSLY WE WATCHED INUYASHA, GOD (my first ASMB screenname was IronReaverSS, let's see if anyone remembers that)

Is it nothing short of miraculous I didn't grow up to be the second coming of Ed Gein? Maybe.