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He looks like he regrets ever leaving Buckingham Palace.

I knew I hit pay dirt the moment that line popped into my head.

That's 'cause I always carry some with me. Not in a bottle or anything. I pour some in my pocket for easy dipping access. Don't worry, i'm not stingy, I'll share.

We've only got the podcast studio for an hour, then my mom has to do laundry.

Doom is. Your nips are a golf tournament played by rich men and Charlize Theron represents every girl that Doom walked away from without declaring his love/like.

How do you know where I work?

We got a problem, chief?

How long have you been a fan? I mean, you know I know him right? To be honest I didn't even know he made movies, he's just ol' Davie to me and the fellas. You want I should introduce you?

Happy Birthday, Vamped. Another year of living among the mortals. Another year spent without feasting on their warm juices. Your 20 year chip is in the mail. We here at vampires anonymous congratulate you on your sobriety and wish you a happy 385th birthday. You don't look a day over 180.

Listen to this man. He knows his business. You've got nipple questions, he's got nipple answers. Now he's going to need accurate information. Measurements, shape, color, temperature, and so on and so forth. Take it away, Doom. Do your thing. This is like that movie where you're a talented young Matt Damon and i'm your magical black friend Will Smith and I get you to believe in yourself.

Why would that be us? It's not funny, it's not porn, what did I just watch? I mean, we could do way better than this. Meet me downtown with four plungers, two pillows, a watermelon, and a fat chicken

Was that guy a comedian? I can't remember

That's not bad advice. Just approach it like a company with a product. Run ads in front of as many eyes as possible and let the customer come to me.

I wasn't aware you could have an onlyfans without feet and hole....I thought it was included in the sign up agreement

You want me to sell something I can't even give away?

you don't have a clip store at all? that's just financially irresponsible I mean I know librarians that have a Manyvids account....let her know @mthor

The real question is why aren't you on OnlyFans.....from what I hear, it's a gold mine

When I thought of this bit at three in the morning I actually started taking pics for each one of those scenarios. I gave up after the shower pic. I was just laughing like a mad man at the scene. Me, phone in hand, pretending to take a shower for a SFW pic that I can post. Yet still, for some reason, completely naked.

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It will just be pictures of me throughout my day doing normal things such as: When I wake up in the morning. When I brush my teeth. When I masturbate furiously in the shower. When I eat breakfast. When I drive to work. When I sit at my desk. When I go to lunch. When I masturbate furiously in the bathroom after lunch. When I wake up from my nap in the bathroom I masturbated in after lunch. When I smoke a joint. When I pretend not to be high at work. When I drive home in a daze. When I get pulled over. When I get arrested. When I masturbate furiously in holding to make a point that i'm not to be fucked with. When that doesn't work. When it does the opposite. When I panic. When i've made new friends. When they take over my OnlyFans. When I work for them now.

you can't reboot perfection

The whole point is to intervene before it ever gets to three

Almost always