Codename: Jackass

Guess which one is in control right now? *laughs evilly while rubbing hands together*

Getting more than two ketchup packets at the drive-thru.

The Party Van is the FBI van that comes to raid your house.

you're not helping

we must go deeper

no sir you must throw it out the window trust me I'm a 20 years computer analyst I know how these things end up

must... not... post porn... fuck

Me too, Nabby my boy... me too.

the only solution is to throw it out the window

drinking thinking about masturbating but probably don't need to wishing I could punch that asshole Will in the face

That reminds me, I've got a wasp nest in my roof somewhere and they're only going to come back stronger this summer. I don't have money for an exterminator and I don't want to pull the overhanging off my house, especially if all it's going to get me is a face full of welts. What do I do? I've considered burning down the house, but I'm not quite ready to go that route.

You think he finally got a visit from the Party Van? That would be too appropriate, wouldn't it? I shouldn't get my hopes up.

Best feeling is that time of evening around early fall when the days are still warm but the nights are starting to cool off, the last crickets are lazily chirping. Sit out on the back porch, preferably with some friends, maybe a nice firepit going, beer in hand. Winter's coming but it's nice now.

In the year 2070, most of the world's major cities will have become vast Pleasure Domes reserved exclusively for the Excelsiites, the neo-upper class, while the lower class Depth Grovelers will toil away underground for their Excelsiite overlords, digging for nuggets of neoplasmin.

Yah my parents smeared Turkish dessert on my face as a child.

That feel when it took forever for me to learn the difference between baklava and balaclava.

I've received scratch-offs as a stocking stuffer a couple times though I never expressed interest in them. I think I won a dollar on one of them and never cashed it in. I'll buy a lottery ticket every now and then vainly hoping I might score a quick but, though it's mostly to remind myself that shit's fucking designed specifically to part fools with their money. But maybe the next one will be the lucky one! Can't win if ya don't play! Also, getting back to the gift thing, I had some woman come into my store asking to buy $1000 worth of tickets, all in the $1-2 dollar range, presumably for gifts. We sold her about $370 worth until we were out, and then she looked at us like she didn't believe us when we said we were out, even though we pulled all the rolls out and counted them in front of her. Hmmm...

I live thirty miles from the Oklahoma border, and there's a casino about thirty minutes away. There's an even bigger one about an hour away. There's one bigger than that about two hours away.

I agree, life is meaningless suffering. Let's get wasted.

I sell these goddamn things all day and it makes me sad to see people spend twenty dollars, win ten bucks, take the bait and then go right back and spend another twenty then bust and spend even more. But I guess it beats being fleeced by the Indian casino. I guess.

You aren't real.

I can't really do more than once a day or it becomes painful and depressing.