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UnevenEdge

so you got jokes?


discolé monade

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a guy and his girlfriend go to an urologist. the guy says to the dr. 'my girlfriend wants me to have a bigger dick, so what can you do for me?'

the urologist says 'we have many options; this one is 4 inches, this one is 6 inches and we have this new experimental one that is a baby elephant nose. it's 18 inches and prehensile. 

the guy says aboslutely not, but the girlfriend says 'hell yeah!'. 

so the guy gets the surgery and everything goes fine. several months later, he's eating dinner at his girlfriend's house and the whole famly is sitting at the table. 

as a plate of potatoes is passed by him, the mother sees something snake out quickly and grab a potato and go back under the table. 

the mother asks 'what was that and can you do it again?'

he smiles, and says, 'i'm pretty sure i can do it, but i don't know if i can fit another potato in my ass.

giphy.gif

 

Edited by discolemonade
spell check is non existant
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Guest ElephantInTheRoom

Lol we all know cooked potatoes would smash if he tried to put it in his ass.

It would have to be frozen or not cooked.

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Just now, nameraka said:

Why did grandpa climb the telephone pole with a backpack full of bananas?

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Because he has dementia :|

 

But grandpa won't fall off. Nope. No chance. Those crazy assholes have a Konami code installed for infinite goddamn lives. 

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A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar, and he suddenly realizes that he's actually dreaming. He wakes up from the dream, and begins to tell his wife about what a ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him. The man rolls over and begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles.

Edited by Skiles
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So a zookeeper is having all kinds of trouble making his dolphins behave. He talked to a zookeeper across town who said he had dealt with the exact same problem. To calm the dolphins, the older zookeeper had put some seagull hatchlings into the water with them. So the zookeeper goes back to the aviary at his zoo and picks up a handful of baby seagulls. Rather than taking the long way back to the dolphin tank, the zookeeper decided to take a shortcut  through the lion exhibit as it was early afternoon and the cats (having just been fed) would be laying in the sun, paying too much attention to licking themselves to notice him walking past. The whole thing was going great until he was immediately arrested and charged with transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immoral porpoises.*

 

*I can't take credit for this joke, I read it on the internet like 17 years ago

Edited by SwimModSponges
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5 minutes ago, SwimModSponges said:

So a zookeeper is having all kinds of trouble making his dolphins behave. He talked to a zookeeper across town who said he had dealt with the exact same problem. To calm the dolphins, the older zookeeper had put some seagull hatchlings into the water with them. So the zookeeper goes back to the aviary at his zoo and picks up a handful of baby seagulls. Rather than taking the long way back to the dolphin tank, the zookeeper decided to take a shortcut  through the lion exhibit as it was early afternoon and the cats (having just been fed) would be laying in the sun, paying too much attention to licking themselves to notice him walking past. The whole thing was going great until he was immediately arrested and charged with transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immoral porpoises.

Got a snicker out of me (as well as a mild headshake, but oh well).

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