discolé monade Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 (edited) a guy and his girlfriend go to an urologist. the guy says to the dr. 'my girlfriend wants me to have a bigger dick, so what can you do for me?' the urologist says 'we have many options; this one is 4 inches, this one is 6 inches and we have this new experimental one that is a baby elephant nose. it's 18 inches and prehensile. the guy says aboslutely not, but the girlfriend says 'hell yeah!'. so the guy gets the surgery and everything goes fine. several months later, he's eating dinner at his girlfriend's house and the whole famly is sitting at the table. as a plate of potatoes is passed by him, the mother sees something snake out quickly and grab a potato and go back under the table. the mother asks 'what was that and can you do it again?' he smiles, and says, 'i'm pretty sure i can do it, but i don't know if i can fit another potato in my ass. Edited April 19, 2019 by discolemonade spell check is non existant 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midnight Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Ha. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doom Metal Alchemist Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 John Travolta seems to have lost some weight. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ElephantInTheRoom Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Lol we all know cooked potatoes would smash if he tried to put it in his ass. It would have to be frozen or not cooked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discolé monade Posted April 19, 2019 Author Share Posted April 19, 2019 man... you're the worst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greeny Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Why did the Jews wander the desert for 40 years? Someone dropped a quarter. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discolé monade Posted April 19, 2019 Author Share Posted April 19, 2019 11 minutes ago, Greeny said: Why did the Jews wander the desert for 40 years? Someone dropped a quarter. boo. and hiss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
resurrected Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Why did the chicken cross the road? To get the other side. Idiots. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nameraka Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Why did grandpa climb the telephone pole with a backpack full of bananas? Spoiler Because he has dementia 1 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
resurrected Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Just now, nameraka said: Why did grandpa climb the telephone pole with a backpack full of bananas? Reveal hidden contents Because he has dementia But grandpa won't fall off. Nope. No chance. Those crazy assholes have a Konami code installed for infinite goddamn lives. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greeny Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 24 minutes ago, discolemonade said: boo. and hiss. Did you know that 4 out of 5 people enjoy gang rape? 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crackymckrackin Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 What did Thomas the train say after he was decommissioned and scrapped for parts? Nothing, he was dead. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skiles Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 (edited) A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar, and he suddenly realizes that he's actually dreaming. He wakes up from the dream, and begins to tell his wife about what a ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him. The man rolls over and begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. Edited April 20, 2019 by Skiles 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doom Metal Alchemist Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 11 hours ago, cryptkicker5 said: But grandpa won't fall off. Nope. No chance. Those crazy assholes have a Konami code installed for infinite goddamn lives. 30 lives. Game Genie is what got you infinite lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwimModSponges Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 (edited) So a zookeeper is having all kinds of trouble making his dolphins behave. He talked to a zookeeper across town who said he had dealt with the exact same problem. To calm the dolphins, the older zookeeper had put some seagull hatchlings into the water with them. So the zookeeper goes back to the aviary at his zoo and picks up a handful of baby seagulls. Rather than taking the long way back to the dolphin tank, the zookeeper decided to take a shortcut through the lion exhibit as it was early afternoon and the cats (having just been fed) would be laying in the sun, paying too much attention to licking themselves to notice him walking past. The whole thing was going great until he was immediately arrested and charged with transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immoral porpoises.* *I can't take credit for this joke, I read it on the internet like 17 years ago Edited April 20, 2019 by SwimModSponges 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doom Metal Alchemist Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 5 minutes ago, SwimModSponges said: So a zookeeper is having all kinds of trouble making his dolphins behave. He talked to a zookeeper across town who said he had dealt with the exact same problem. To calm the dolphins, the older zookeeper had put some seagull hatchlings into the water with them. So the zookeeper goes back to the aviary at his zoo and picks up a handful of baby seagulls. Rather than taking the long way back to the dolphin tank, the zookeeper decided to take a shortcut through the lion exhibit as it was early afternoon and the cats (having just been fed) would be laying in the sun, paying too much attention to licking themselves to notice him walking past. The whole thing was going great until he was immediately arrested and charged with transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immoral porpoises. Got a snicker out of me (as well as a mild headshake, but oh well). 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Still Me Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 yeah I have a joke... my relationship.... buhdumtiss 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lupin_bebop Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 Yeah. I have a joke. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted April 20, 2019 Share Posted April 20, 2019 I'm doing a thing here. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lupin_bebop Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 K Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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