Skiles

I will engage in fisticuffs with every ghost.

If the actual Ryan Dunn started posting here, I would be frightened.

All of them at the same time. Gotta keep the mouth busy.

Girl, same. Of all the things I've tried to quit, nicotine has kicked my ass more brutally and consistently than anything else.

So there's this package of wipes sitting on the shelf in the bathroom. On the package, it reads "Personal cleansing cloths." And all day, I kept looking at this package whenever I was in there, and I would think, "How the fuck did they misspell that word? How do you just forget the E in the word 'clothes'?" Then finally, about an hour ago, it finally occurred to me that, in fact, "cloths" is correct, as it's referring to "cloths" as in more than one cloth, and not "clothes," which would be clothing. It also occurred to me that I've been awake since Friday night and my brain is literally mashed potatoes right now. But I mean LITERALLY mashed potatoes, though. Like if you took a saw and cut off the top of my skull, all that's in there is a bunch of thick, buttery mashed potatoes with a nice turkey gravy. There it is. Funniest story ever told. Just toss the trophy in my fucking coffin.

Liberals don't eat Cheerios. Cheerios are for old white dudes with high cholesterol.

Someone should probably write them down so no one forgets them.

I hear he and Jim Cornette are very close friends. I think they go to the same church.

If it smells good and won't irritate my stupid skin, I'll use it. I'm not picky. I think I'm using Dove men's body wash right now.

As a professional sport man, I could probably beat up both of those nerds.

That's right, it's me. Former professional baseballer Adam Dunn. AMA.

It's a word in the sense that "bae" is a word. It is definitely a series of letters that are pronounced a certain way. That's about all you can say about it.

You guys are gonna be so mad when Michael Bolton wins this league.

Thank God you posted the same thread twice.

The government never looks at me during.

Malker

I don't drink anymore, which means you have to drink enough for me as well. Time to double up on the intake, my dude.

Prepare to have your butts sufficiently rekt.

Have you ever been here? Of course I assume that.

This joke only works audibly.

SOCIAL DISTANCING Who could possibly know who has breathed on your arms?

But is he in love with him?

I can't say with absolute certainty that I have ever hated anything more.