Skiles

My official stance has always been that Ultima totems are fake and gay.

No one ever plays with my boobs.

And I DAMN sure don't like old tomatoes.

I mean, there isn't much to it. The apostles were like, "Yo, we have all this spaghetti sauce. Also, on a completely unrelated note, our bones are becoming very fragile." So Jesus rocked up and he was like, "I got you, fam."

Some of them are too much. It reaches the point of obnoxiousness sometimes. That's why mine is just a single line.

Very few people remember that Jesus also turned spaghetti sauce into milk.

Dude, every time I brush my hair, I get concerned because there's SO much on the brush. I'm so paranoid about going bald. That's partially why I keep it long. Gotta do it while I can.

Oh yeah, I remember that! I had totally forgotten that you set yourself ablaze.

I don't necessarily agree, but thank you nonetheless. ❤️

I love having it, but I do not like taking care of it.

Oh yeah, this is the second time I've grown it. Haven't cut it since December of 2018.

I hope God has at least enough mercy to kill me before Viper is ever in here at the same time as me.

The size and shape of his penis is banned from my thoughts, but it still pops up. Other than that, I hope he just got too ashamed of the person he was, and now he won't show his face here. At least then there would be some self-awareness present.

For like, a day and a half after I wash my hair, it's so God damn poofy and stupid that pulling it up is really difficult. Just getting it all into a handful takes me a couple minutes. Then when I try to actually tie it back, inevitably a big ol' strand goes a-floppin' away. Then I gotta do it all over again. I hate having long hair. Also, side note, I love having long hair.

I don't date redheads.

I mean fine, but you didn't have to loop me in on this personal attack. What did I do to deserve this? Except when I started drinking I rode the middle of the bus. It was less bumpy, and I could doze easier when I was hungover. First ten years of school, though? Back of the bus all day. We tried to get them hops on certain streets. We knew when we were about to hit that super bumpy part of the road, and we would be like, "Oh SHIT, dude, here it comes!" I remember my second grade bus driver would troll us. Some days she would hit the bumps real slow, and we would be like, "Aww..." But SOME days, she would fuckin' pick up speed on them, and we would go FLYING. Sometimes we would hit our heads on the roof of the bus. It was amazing. She got fired in the middle of second semester. Also I'm an alcoholic. So thanks for shouting me out.

It almost is now. And honestly, I talk a lot of shit about it, and I'm sure it's pissed about it. But honestly, for its age and the abuse it's been through, the fact that it works at all is actually impressive. So y'know what? Props to this little guy for still kicking. [I'm still gonna Office Space it when it dies tho]

That sucks. Our internet here is generally pretty solid. No one else in the house has issues 95% of the time. It'll get slow as shit every now and then, but it's cool.

YEAHYOUKNOWITSPRETTYNEAT

Because a Sith deals in absolutes.

Occasionally it just decides it doesn't want to be connected to the internet anymore. So periodically I have to disconnect it from the WiFi, wait a couple minutes, then reconnect it. It's not the most inconvenient thing it does. But it is one of MANY inconvenient things it does. I can't fucking wait until I can work again, so I can get a new laptop, and go full Office Space on this one.

Luckily for me, I don't pay attention to anything ever.

That's for the best.

It's literally impossible that that joke has never been made before. However, since I have not encountered the joke until this point, I shall give you full credit and accuse everyone else of copying you.

So what happens when the unused matter is particularly sour?