molarbear

I had a snake in my house today Used a broom to get it back outside and then decapitated it with a shovel because it was tiny but it looked an awful lot like a cottonmouth

I got you

My Best friend use to live in Charleston and he always stops at Cracker Barrel to poop when he's driving It's very possible you're at a Cracker Barrel my Best friend has pooped at

At least you didn't send a company wide dick pic

My Brother tells tales of AC-130's being fixed by beer cans being riveted in

IT'LL GET YOU DRUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^I ran out of brain space to keep putting exclamation marks

It would require some kind of deliver service where I could summon a dog to pet at the push of a button

I couldn't find a gif of it but this is me when the Asari finally show up

Natural Selection dude

Have you ever seen that video of the car that hits a motorcycle and proceeds to drive with said biker sitting on the hood of the car?

No, it's because I'm indecisive as Fuck and the tattoos on the wrappers are temporary 🤓

Stay Golden Pony Boy He said with his majestic red hair

I haz fingers dyslexia, I dontz like to talk about it

I probably have

I go through Fruit Stripe packs like they're going out of style

I still can't blow a bubble with gum

Pat! MY MAN!!!!! I'm going to start a NSFW snapchat where people pay me to put articles of clothing back on SWEET LITTLE BABY JESUS PAT, YOU MAY HAVE JUST MADE ME A MADE MAN I promise when I get rich I'm going to hire a guy to kiss you all Fredo style

Simpsons did it!

The sad part is you're not wrong I fully support James Bond like vehicles with rocket launcher attachments to eliminate shitty drivers

You brilliant bastard

Did you stroke out?

Staying alive I don't live a nefarious life or anything just people suck at driving these days

Potassium