nameraka

Thank you for your application to our open position. We appreciate your consideration and value your many skills and assets. Unfortunately, we have decided to move forward with a candidate more closely aligned with our needs. Again, thank you for your time. And fuck off, loser.

Oh yeah. I’ve done that. I was also “gardening”.

I want to play him in the ace ventura reboot.

Zorro the gay blade? Shit. How old is that movie now?

And Henry winkler.

home. self quarantining. duh.

go to waffle hous... oh, right.

this looks amazing, you guys.

also that whole holocaust thing kinda sucked. and the black death. yeah, that can fuck right off. in all seriousness though, the worst is having to shit at work and then running out of toilet paper.

???

I was going to say an enema. i would have been wrong.

no. i see no value in that and refuse to be swayed into thinking deeply about myself or how i interact with the world.

Never ever ever.

nope. these are good. you know what else is good? pickled cactus.

flange

boring works of literature that would be greatly improved with the addition of zombies moby dick with zombies: the intrepid crew of the pequod mostly sit around and list the ship's supplies whilst hunting the elusive and somehow incredibly boring white whale. then they start turning into zombies. the sun also rises and sometimes... zombies: a bunch of whiney rich expats traipse around europe moaning about their first world problems until... zombies. finnegan's wake: whatever the fuck is happening in this book is because of... zombies.

i had nothing to do with it. *hides poison*

a recently mauled zebra.

You do not have the proper clearance level to die. Not at your rank. Try applying again in a few years.

Gary Oldman knows know shame, but he knows yours.