nameraka

Also mine. This might be a trap.

pepperidge fa... no. no one remembers.

It’s been 102 days since my last drink. not that I’m counting.

same shit that killed my cousin at about the same age. colonoscopies people. just do it.

$1.08 = 400 calories.

I have to pay for those though, right?

For those of you who are emotionally invested in this.

Freddy got fingered is a goddamn masterpiece.

FooooooooooooooooM!!!😮

I think this is why I've never seen it. I was actually kind of confused as to why it became so popular.

Titanic

Can I take that in Diablo sauce?

I keep telling them this, but the restraining order won't let me get closer than 50 feet from the building and my voice just doesn't carry. ☹️

What is this? You can't seriously intend for me to taste the food... Madness.

Why the hell do I keep reading this as eggheads?

how soon is now?

how exactly did you eat the oreos? which method did you use? (remove top and eat frosting first, dunk in milk, etc) also, did you count out the exact number of oreos that were in the bag before you started so that you would know exactly how many comprised half the bag? lastly, do you think it's weird to sexually fetishize the eating of oreos? Why or why not?

very. it also told me you're the father.

i believe it.

this is so true.

my mom's family have always maintained that their dark hair and complexion stemmed from native american ancestry. nope. i'm like 5% black. 😮 they're like 100% racist. i am so going to the reunion this year.

i'm your alt

clearly you were an electrician in a previous life. duh.

clearly you were temporarily shunted into another dimension...

that's actually what i was thinking about. i'm trying to write a short story, but i need some specific examples and all of my own are kind of lame.