GuyBeardmane

I'm goin with 2003 because that's when I was doing the college thing and spending all my time with friends from school and there was the girl who'd show me her boobs whenever I'd ask. So pretty good times for me then.

It's important everyone recognizes how important Macho Man Randy Savage is. In 2011, a doomsayer by the name of Harold Camping said that the Rapture would occur on May 21 2011. In a seemingly unrelated situation, the Macho Man Randy Savage suffered a heart attack while driving on the interstate and died on May 20 2011. As you all know, we're still here. The logical person would say that the Rapture prediction was false. But I know the truth. The Rapture was all ready to go, the Four Horsemen waiting in the wings. But they wouldn't get to go without a fight. Mr. Perfect, Andre the Giant, and Eddie Guerrero were already up there, but there was no man who was better suited to take on the Four Horsemen than Macho Man Randy Savage. That's right. The fate of the earth was decided in a Survivor Series-style elimination four-on-four tag match, resulting in Macho Man Randy Savage saving all of humanity. So remember that we all have Macho Man to thank for our lives, and we should honor him by snapping into a Slim Jim on May 20th to celebrate his victory over Death.

...is that the royal We?

The REAL truth about Marijuana: it's pretty fuckin' awesome.

Right? I'm like Fred Flintstone, hanging out with dinosaurs.

Truth, but it tastes amazing.

Nah, this old scottish sounding half-egyptian/half-spaniard is ready to retire.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superman_ice_cream

That's because you stopped aging at 17, you goddamn highlander.

Vanilla is good. But man oh man, you gotta try Superman ice cream sometime. Shit is cash.

It's pretty swell. Except for the one girl who asked how old I was and when I told her I was 35 she said I was almost as old as her parents.

What flavor ice cream? Do you have Superman ice cream?

I'm gonna write. Poems, stories, essays, something. Just make sure I write at least a hundred words a day.

You're gonna die from holding in those farts. Straight up explode all over the place.

I bought a Macho Man Randy Savage one as a pity buy because I went into a local toy store and I was the only customer in there at the time. Then my nieces and nephews went and bought the New Day three-pack for me for Christmas a year or so back. So now I have these things sitting around, and I don't plan on buying anymore. But I half-expect that I'm gonna wind up with more of these without realizing how I got them.

Fuck this year. Burn it all to the ground. Salt the earth where the year stood.

I'm gonna.

I'm spending the evening with my ex and hoping we get drunk and make bad decisions we'll both regret when we sober up, because it's been too long since I've dipped in the pool and desperate times call for desperate measures.

Just reading that broke my hip.