GuyBeardmane

That's because you stopped aging at 17, you goddamn highlander.

Vanilla is good. But man oh man, you gotta try Superman ice cream sometime. Shit is cash.

It's pretty swell. Except for the one girl who asked how old I was and when I told her I was 35 she said I was almost as old as her parents.

What flavor ice cream? Do you have Superman ice cream?

I'm gonna write. Poems, stories, essays, something. Just make sure I write at least a hundred words a day.

You're gonna die from holding in those farts. Straight up explode all over the place.

I bought a Macho Man Randy Savage one as a pity buy because I went into a local toy store and I was the only customer in there at the time. Then my nieces and nephews went and bought the New Day three-pack for me for Christmas a year or so back. So now I have these things sitting around, and I don't plan on buying anymore. But I half-expect that I'm gonna wind up with more of these without realizing how I got them.

Fuck this year. Burn it all to the ground. Salt the earth where the year stood.

I'm gonna.

I'm spending the evening with my ex and hoping we get drunk and make bad decisions we'll both regret when we sober up, because it's been too long since I've dipped in the pool and desperate times call for desperate measures.

Just reading that broke my hip.

Because I'm old and bitter and jealous of those whose minds still find original and wonderful ideas.

I mean it's a great idea in theory, but historically it just seems like it wouldn't work out. Plus as much as gaming is an ego thing, crossing that threshold of bringing reality back into the game would probably be a turn off for a lot of folks.

'member when people lost their shit about the Kinect for XBox 360 being able to watch them?

As good as this song is, this is a bonin' song and not a smoochin' song. So I've thought about this far too much and I'm compiling a soundtrack now for good songs for the mood. Smoochin' Songs "Kiss the Girl" - The Little Mermaid Soundtrack "Everytime We Touch" - Cascada "Stuttering" - Ben's Brother "Head Over Feet" - Alanis Morissette "Kiss" - Prince (or Tom Jones's cover) That Heavy Pettin' Time "Something About Us" - Daft Punk "Can't Get Enough of Your Love" - Barry White "Let's Get It On" - Marvin Gaye "Let's Groove" - Earth Wind and Fire "Home" - Depeche Mode Straight Up Fuckin' Songs "Policy of Truth" - Depeche Mode "Sex Bomb" - Tom Jones "Sexual Healing" - Marvin Gaye "The Bad Touch" - Bloodhound Gang "Pony" - Genuwine "The No Pants Dance" - Tupper Ware Remix Party feat. Ninja Sex Party "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)" - Dead or Alive Of course this isn't the end-all, be-all list, but rather a starter. The first few songs set the mood for smoochin', and as it leads up to "Kiss" things should be heavy enough that the mood naturally gets cranked up a few more steps. I like the Marvin Gaye back-to-back set up, where "Let's Get It On" gets you to doin' the do, and following it up with "Sexual Healing" to set the rhythm of the do that you're doin'.

If we're only talkin' smooches, then it's gotta be either low tempo or romantic pop. Like "Kiss the Girl" from The Little Mermaid is perfect, because it fuckin' says it in the song.

I never get tired of this one.

That's actually a hella awesome thing and I'm happy they did it.

Your DM ain't the boss o'me. If I wanna expel waste I will.

Only those that we've consumed. I don't like to hold on to my food.

I have gotten around, you might say.

I'm a gelatinous cube, so hah!