Doom Metal Alchemist

I guess the kid doesn't yet know what "hang on" means.

I destroyed my sleep schedule on my own. I just recently got a job on the night shift and it suits me well.

From a flavor perspective, that sounds absolutely awful.

Well I mean, there's cheap women's underwear too. It's just not Victoria's Secret.

Your dad never carried you on his shoulders when you were little?

There are typically plenty of 10 year olds in the stands in major league baseball games.

It was one thing when people were throwing back Barry Bonds' home run balls because of the steroid scandal, but why do people throw the ball back on like any opposing player's home run? If you don't want it ask the people around you if they do.

Balloonatic is way better than looner.

Editor would ragequit.

Get off the Internet.

Bullshit. I'd rather get with a hot poor chick.

I can't think of anything noteworthy that happened to me in 1998... I guess other than that was the year I renounced MTV.

Happy birthday!

Ugly and rich. The only reason to be hot is to get a woman. Being rich accomplishes the same thing, but with the added bonus of being able to afford things! Yay!

I have no idea what kind of concert you're going to, but if it's any sort of metal, avoid anywhere near the front of the stage, because that's where the moshing occurs. If you get back reasonably far enough, you should be safe from moshing. I've never had to deal with crowd surfers. You can always be a dick and just not carry them when they come to you. When I saw Black Sabbath on their 13 tour in Anaheim the guy next to me was smoking a bong and the wind blew the smoke directly into my face. I let him know that once, and he was quick to make sure his further bong hits did not fly in my direction. People blocking your view, though. I've got no advice on that one.

The trick is to realize that none of the people around you give a shit about you one way or the other. Just as long as you don't block their view, push them while moshing, crowd surf onto them, or blow your bong smoke into their faces.

I loved those bits. I thought it was kinda stupid how they kept it going past January 1st, 2000 though.

God damn, you must be over 100.

Is that what you had?

What makes a hot, slender woman with wide hips and huge tits hotter? Why, horns and a spikey turtle shell of course! Fetishes, man. I mean, I approve, but it's still weird.

Meh, King of the Hill was a great show, but it has run its course on Adult Swim. It ran for 1-2 episodes like 6 days a week every week for what, 10 or so years? Time to move on. I used to like the Cleveland Show a little, but then I started hating it, and almost like that AS drops it.

Sloppy thirds. They were already Fox's sloppy seconds.

One-hit wonder is kind of a stupid concept. I remember Jimi Hendrix's All Along the Watch Tower was featured on VH1's Top 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders of All Time countdown a couple decades ago. Yeah, arguably the most legendary, influential, innovative, and popular rock guitarist of all time with like 5 songs that get radio airplay to this day, whose debut album was number 2 only beaten out by The Beatles fucking Sgt. Pepper, was a one hit wonder. Get the fuck outta here, VH1.

I am not aware "nerf" is a verb.

Yikes. Oh well, I guess that's better than them killing themselves and leaving their beneficiary without the money.