Doom Metal Alchemist

There's a hella cute Asian girl I occasionally see at work that I really want to ask out. It looks like she has big boobs, and is kinda chunky in the belly area, but after I thought about it for a minute, I thought, "Maybe she's not fat, but pregnant???" Eh, I don't even know how to not be creepy.

Which obviously means you're afraid of us judging you because you are the weirdest of us all.

I don't know why you think that sign is backwards. Also the lane paint (whatever the fuck you call it) is obviously of broken yellow and solid yellow to control when a driver can and cannot pass due to the possibility of on-coming traffic.

Bessie sounds like a name for a cow. If Bessie is a human woman, please post a pic. If not, ignore this request.

A body part that is almost universally sexualized, but to much bigger proportions than is normally desired by the general public.

Is that John Candy? What is that from?

Probably because he was asking us to PM him our home addresses.

He's the only major party candidate I have heard of who was the official presidential candidate, lost, then was the official presidential candidate for the next election too. I honestly expected him to run against Gore too. Hopefully the democrats don't make the same mistake this next presidential election.

To destroy it from the inside? I haven't gotten that far in any of the series, so whatever.

Latin America has a huge metal following too. Just about any European metal band you can possibly imagine would much rather tour Latin America than the U.S. MAYBE except for the HUGE bands from the UK, like Judas Priest, Ozzy, Black Sabbath, and Iron Maiden. They probably like touring Latin America and the U.S. equally.

Amy Store? What the hell kinda weeb name is that? The one in the top pic did it right.

You didn't do that with your last girlfriend? Anyway, I have yet to do that... An older woman did flash me her boobs in person though. It was so quick and unexpected, I don't even know if she had nipples. Her boobs were obviously implants, I thought maybe she had a double mastectomy as a result of breast cancer, got implants, and has no nipples. I don't know.

Is that the one where Squidward finds himself unemployed and lives with Sponegbob and mooches off him? Because that one's hella old.

Actually.... I want to say, maybe 5 or so years ago, I would see commercials on TV about hearing aides designed to look like bluetooth ear pieces, marketed towards old people. Maybe that's what you're seeing.

One of my former bandmates kept video chatting me on facebook or calling me, and I had to tell him, dude, TEXT. Texting is god's gift to introverts. I fucking HATE small talk. Probably because I don't even know how to do it. Yeah, pretty much. I used to be a pretty open book on the anonymity of the Internet, but intensely private irl. Now I'm not so much an open book online, but I'm still comfortable telling you guys I'm a virgin. Ha. In one of my last jobs, a coworker privately asked me if I was a virgin. If asked, I admit it because I find that preferable to having to foolishly "prove" otherwise. Anyway, his wife worked in the same office as us, he told his wife because blah blah husband and wife don't keep secrets, blah blah, then the next day the whole office knew. Fuck, I HATE parties. It's just me all alone in a crowd. I hate that. I mean, it's fine if I'm not expected to be talking to everyone, but at a party you're supposed to be talking with SOMEBODY. Like the entire time.

Back in the 70s, the members of Foreigner got more pussy than anyone here will ever know.

I fucking love Manowar. That's one of their worst albums though, lol.

Eh, neither the bear nor the driver seem to be particularly hurt, you're in the clear.

Anyway, idk. I love Hawaii, and I like California, and all the other states I've been to I haven't stayed long enough to form an opinion one way or the other.

Fuck you.

That's.... not roofies.

To be fair, like literally EVERYBODY hated Chris Brown after those photos of the battered Rhianna came to light.

No, women have definitely driven me far more nuts with other things.

Interesting, that never occurred to me. My dad always used to wear one but hasn't in years... But then again he retired 10 years ago, so... My brother's a business owner, and when he comes to visit, I never see him wear one either.

Is snow in Texas as rare as snow in non-mountainous California?