Mix

Been looking at my spit for the last twenty minutes Did you guys know that telescopes and microscopes work differently?

I could make fun, but I'm a day away from brewing toilet wine, so do watcha gotta do

I.....use a lot of those

ahh....I see.....you're saying the dogs are the key to our survival No wonder the old lady down the street has seven of those tiny purse dogs.....she's raising an army

I for one welcome our new overlords

Never realized our elderly population was holding back an uprising. The birds and squirrels are more addicted to bread than Oprah. I sat down to eat my sandwich and was accosted and subsequently mugged by, and I'm ball parking the numbers here, three thousand birds. They were led by a squirrel

Black guys don't go running at night....there are easier ways to get shot >.>

I don't smoke...that would be a good excuse though

Reaffirming that age old saying "You can't have bad cardio if you have no cardio"

I was going to do a young santa clause thing, but fuck that, this is mint

It's OK just tell her you're having stomach problems and lock yourself in the bathroom for several hours....it's embarrassing but not as embarrassing, y'know

that's fine, I believe you... I mean feel free to post something if you want....do people not usually believe you?

no judgment here.....I bought the jumpsole shoes....the ones with the platforms that you work out in so you can jump higher and eventually dunk I thought I was going to fly

I've actually seen shake weights, but a bowflex....I've never even heard of someone owning one of those things You should keep it and take good care of it....It could be worth real money one day....a priceless artifact...... did chuck norris endorse it? I can't remember

What's your deadlift?

You are truly a man among boys

Those kids where killin it

I don't get how this works....what about your job and other responsibilities?

all doctors aren't created equal......plus this is more in line with a physiotherapist....have you seen one?

Then shake weight is the thing for you, bro That's basically what it says on the shake weight website.....

wanna get jacked shake weight style? Shacked?

bang.every.thing.that.moves impending doom is a heck of an aphrodisiac