Mix

Drunk sex is like going to a theme park when you're a kid, you wanna ride everything and you don't mind that people are taking pictures of you. Sober sex is going to a theme park as an adult, begrudgingly....and not just 'cause you have to pay.

It's like someone picked the worst people on earth for me to work with. The worst of the worst is this idiot that monopolizes every conversation with the most inane takes. Everyone hates him and I think we all secretly wish he would die, but unfortunately that guy is me, so it's like a whole thing.

I don't know if I'd call that shady. That's pretty much common....which is also a rapper's name if it makes you feel any better. Ooh, what other rappers names better describe this: Juvenile Ol' dirty Bastard Drake

That's where LJ lost money. Watching other guys cum while you cum is half the experience. The half you enjoy. The girl's the other half only because you're afraid god is watching. Which is weird because, if he is, he's doing what you're doing, watching guys cum. How come people don't talk more about god watching guys cum. I bet you good money he's jerkin' it too. Now, did I think when I started this rant to nowhere it would end with god jerking it? No. Am I pleased that's how it ended up? Yes.

I don't get it, but I gave you a like anyway because I know it took a lot for you not to hammer me on "women's books" I want you to know I wasn't happy with it either and considered switching it out for "kitchen people's books"

Right....I mean the amount of stress guys went through back then was so insane it was referenced in women's books. I don't know how they dealt with it.

You can't just tell women to be topless when their husband gets home and expect to get your Home Economics book published. At least not in the 1950's. It was a classier time.

I copied that straight out of a Hallmark card. If I am to be chastised for anything, it is trusting the soulless greeting card industry to convey felicitations. I actually bought the card to give to my grandma. Which i'm still going to do because she can't read English. I'll just tell her it's a quote from the bible. It's her favorite book.

Happy birthday It's the same every year maybe switch it up celebrate this one with fear be bewildered or awestruck anything new will do 'cause this happy shit is getting old and so are you

A man yelled this at me on the subway. I ignored him as I try to do with most of existence during morning hours, but now I regret it. I see him now for what he truly was. An old wise man trying to impart the knowledge of the ancestors. If only I could decipher the second part of his message, "fo' I stab yo ass." I am not worthy.

Happy birthday

Phuck Yew Jr.

The gods sent birds to teach man about the beauty of song. Every morning is a concert. Every performance a masterpiece.

That would be an awesome story though. ER, Fire Department, Diamond Saw, and your cock (which has a ring on it for some reason that I don't understand because i'm a virgin) I'd be telling that story everywhere. It would sound even crazier when I told it drunk. "...and the firemen brought me a diamond ring for my cock saw..."

I don't think I ever watched this whole video before. They walk off to fight. No one does anything. He hits the kid. No one does anything. The kid starts winning. Everyone steps in.

don't none of this matter

vampire is more likely, right? Zombies can't do magic. They're always talking about the blood of christ. Also, check out pics of dracula and jesus.....come on....dracula is just manscaped Jesus

dude has gates made of pearls, bruv

...been so angry, yet self aware, that you patiently waited for a teenager to turn eighteen because you wanted the police report to state that you assaulted a grown man?

I...did not know what passover was Religion is so weird

Has no one watched G.I. Jane? The joke was about Jada starring in a sequel to a movie about a beautiful woman who surpassed the limits imposed on her by...(evil theme music)....MEN That joke was not only complementary, it was feminist @DragonSinger. Alright, now I have to get out of here before she comes back. Let me know when it's safe @scoobdog What? I can't hear you? What do you mean she's right behind m...💀

Fuck those people. You're in Egypt now having the time of your life. You had the last laugh.....or laugh cry...whichever you prefer.