Mix

I hate Ashton Kutcher so much I could kick a baby.........and then laugh at the first person who overreacts at what I did, while I point to a camera and call him an idiot...

They.....still make tootsie pops?

Dude, my dad used to tell me stories of how his grandfather, my great grandfather, used to go on lion hunts with nothing but traps and random blades...I just want to touch a friendly whale who willingly comes up to my boat....I'm not trying to Steve Irwin this shit

after all the domestic violence calls, the fire calls, the axe murderer calls....I'd be excited to receive a whale call

dude, the whole time I was yelling, "touch it, touch it!!" I legit might have jumped in...what's the worst that could happen....once in a life time experience

The unevenedge twitter acct is the first thing I followed.... BloodHawk and I haven't talked ever since.....that day

happy balloon something something birthday

ok, I did it....accept me as one of you, you bastids.... https://twitter.com/ClemFanDjango

I hear and I obey, my liege This autonomousbagel shall be found and followed.......and upon your word, eliminated FOR DARKSEID!!!

You are the only person I've ever heard talk about how many tweets they have....it's usually the follower numbers that get them hard... kudos

never change

I shall follow you my cult leader....we shall ascend to the upper plain together....FOR LORD XENU!!!

I'm not on facebook either

lmao, oh it's for sure going to be Clem Fandango....damn that joke's never gonna get old

it's password

follow comedians

I'm still thinking of names...so far the options are @don't_tweet or @TheRealStarPanda do you have any suggestions?

sooo....you're going to be a personal assistant

'cause a lot of this shit is superfluous, but everybody does it anyway....I'm joining primarily to keep up with comedians

I would imagine that's taken, but i'll give it a shot....hmm, I wonder if StarPanda is available

wait, you couldn't figure it out....you didn't tell me that....fuck, i'm sarcastically screwed....

yeah sure what? bitch, I don't want you to follow me, that was just the setup to an awesome joke....at least I thought it was anyway....now i'm depressed, you happy

yeah, nah, fuck that then...

what? I'm not somebody's grandpa...I can figure out social media platforms