Mix

No matter what, based on this picture, you shouldn't be allowed to have this cat anymore.

Imagine finding out that cat's last owner un-lived themselves. Now you keep waking up to the cat staring at you. Do you immediately assume the cat ate that person's face and now has a taste for...y'know?

Who tried you, dawg?

This sounds like something the current Pope would say.

This is not a good time for your airline to be called Spirit.

Wow, they're paying people to fly now. I should've waited

...now reflects how scared the airline thinks you are. I just flew cross country for a compliment and a pat on the back.

Is this an actual dog we're talking about? I feel the need to ask because you're involved.

You don't usually hear "best of luck," in these situations. I could be wrong, but it's usually something along the lines of "congratulations," isn't it? Sounds like you don't expect this to go well, lol.

Happy Birthday! You get that thing I sent ya?

The more things change, the more they famous name

You have my sympathies.

I tell ya, the story was far more compelling

That whole new year glow wears off around mid January. People stop pretending things are going to be different.

That's a thought I had today on the subway. You get a lot of time to think on public transportation. It can be hard to do if you're not used to it.

At least that's what I told the judge. Stupid judge.....he's lucky I can't leap thirty feet in a single bound. Also, i'm afraid of getting shot......how the hell did they not shoot that guy, lol.

Get this, my man was facing charges of battery with substantial bodily harm. (foreshadowing) Prosecutor wanted prison time because of a history of violence. (good movie) Defense wanted a suspended sentence citing mental health history and successful completion of previous probation programs. (I don't have one for this)

Woah, he practically flew. I see athleticism, determination, focus. Get this man a Pistons uniform.

All it took was one youtube video, fifty autozone trips, a half dozen arson threats, a half dozen sincere apologies (to the car), several bargains struck and forsaken with a handful of deities, and one phone call to a mechanic. Easy Peasy

Have you ever killed anyone? How did it feel? Team Edward or Team Jacob?

My new years resolution is the same every year. Avoid prison at all costs.

Sent the pic to my mom. Her reply was, "it's pretty" My mom is a master of the insult compliment.

Not even George Santos was George Santos all the time.