Mix

...by this guy who wouldn't stop throwing me his football. I was outside and I hear, "heads up!" He throws me the football. I catch it and throw it back. And he throws it back to me! So....I throw it back to him and now i'm full on playing catch with this guy. I DON'T KNOW HIM! I was just going to get my mail.

Here's another weird fact about geopolitics, I thought that was the name of a pokemon.

Sometimes I hate that i'm not religious and don't believe in hell.

If anyone were to die and not even realize it, it would be you. Can't kill a Ghost!

The coyotes sold me into sex slavery. I'd be angrier if not for the flattering price they got.

And, surprisingly, without charge. They were just grateful for the company. It's a lonely journey back.

Getting into Mexico was super easy. I don't know what everyone's complaining about. I didn't have a single issue at the boarder.

Got a new car! Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, I am driving it straight to Mexico.

You can't tell if they're stalling or genuinely scared. Just get out of the car, you won't get shot. No one likes blood stained car seats.

I was playing with Yugioh cards back then, I didn't know shit about shit.

wow, are people cumming to that band? i'm always the last to know. y'know, I was the last person to start eating ass. I was still working on the pussy and they were like, "the second course is coming, don't make the chef mad."

I'm about to Johnny Depp this shit

No, but that would be hilarious. Wake up in a chair with my pants around my ankles and my dick in my hand, lol. Hell of a jerk, that.

See, that's the thing, I was fine. That's not human.

I don't get that reference.

I wasn't too drunk to drive after a party or at the hospital for somebody or pulling an all nighter for work. I just fell asleep in a chair, five feet from my bed. Sat down, shut myself off and got up six hours later like it was ordinary. You see where i'm going with this. Guys, i'm concerned I might be a cyborg.

Outlaw abortion = Supply Outlaw IVF = Demand I see where this is going, lmao.

Get out of the pool, turn around, pull your trunks down, and piss in the pool. Problem solved.............or created...idk what you want.

Jacuzzi people are the worst

I mean, you just gotta assume its mostly piss. I hope that answers your question.

Is this the best bar concept? You got booze, you got bikinis, you got the freedom to piss where you're standing.

..was a standard 90s movie ending. They don't have a top on their car, their troubles are over...

Trump is the Chairface Chippendale of our universe. By that I mean he is as formidable as he is ridiculous.