Mix

Who took that pic? The other horses?

I've received 37, that's THIRTY SEVEN....invites to blood ritual sacrifices. And only a few are at Diddy's house. Yes, I know Diddy. No, I don't want to talk about it.

Guys will say anything to fuck. You can't be out here giving it up for beard compliments.

-"What?" -"It's not quite set yet, but the director and a few producers would like to meet with you and your son on Thursday." -"Wait, what? I think there's been some mistake. My name is Jolene Turner. My son is Jake Turner. The audition we went to was for the Fisher Price commercial." - Yeah, listen, he didn't get it. He was never going to get it. They were looking to cast a black girl the whole time. Hollywood politics, what can I tell you." -"Well why would they have us..." -"Optics! Sweetie, listen. White kids are out, they're done, they had their time, but they can't just say that. They have to keep up appearances. But don't you furrow your stage mom brow at any of that, because there is one role that is woke proof. One role that will always be played by a little white kid, and in this case, your little white kid. And that role is the son of satan. Now are you free Thursday?" -"...........Yes"

Who said we stole anything? Movers don't steal. They play with your stuff.

I don't know if i'm making a face that I don't realize, but people treat me like i'm a baby bird or something. It could be a vaccine or a broken bone, they treat me the same. I have never once complained or expressed concern. I once set my own broken nose. I'm not stressed. What's with the kid gloves? I just read this over and it's like i'm screaming, "why won't they treat me like shit!"

I worked for a moving company for a time. This one lady had so many dildos. As a courtesy, please clean your dildos, the movers will want to fake sword fight with them and no one wants a smelly dildo sword.

That account was suffering. Deleting it was the merciful thing to do.

Remember when he wanted to be called Brother Love?

That is a better answer than I expected. Oddly accurate

It should be, but schools don't prepare these kids for the real world

This has sort of become the ultimate test. Get caught up doing some fuck shit and people will be forced to weigh it against your body of work. Where do you think Diddy is on a scale of Michael Jackson(catholic church) to Harvey Weinstein(scientology)?

Did you guys fight it out in the backyard? - "ALL RIGHT, QUIET DOWN! THE FIRST FIGHT OF THE NIGHT IS BETWEEN AUNT CATHY AND COUSIN DORRIS FOR THE PEARL EARINGS! KEEP IT CLEAN, NO HAIR PULLING! DAN AND RON, GET WARMED UP, YOU'RE UP NEXT FOR THE COUCH!"

@viperxmns Do they render the bodies into sauce or are they cremated and sprinkled on the pizza?

It is not fair to reveal, at the last minute, that what they're moving is your dead grandma's stuff. No amount of pizza can help you shake off the existential melancholy that weighs you down as you're packing up a recently deceased person's life. What's going to storage? What's getting thrown away? Who will make these decisions about your stuff when you die? Will they also be ignoring a depressed pet? I came away from the whole thing with an appreciation for the Egyptians. People should be buried with their stuff, pets and all.

Happy Birthday

What a cheat code this is. And they know. They don't let too much time pass without saying something, lest the spell wear off.

I love animals. They hate me. My mom hates animals. They go right to her, zero hesitancy, every time. I have yet to discover the reason.

Hood Rich

Perspective