Mix

This sounds like pre-dawn of the planet of the you get where i'm going.

He's in a wheel chair because a tree fell on him while he was jogging. That sounds like a failed assassination attempt. Whoever came back from the future tried to get too fancy with the cover up.

Sorry, I always confuse married guys and gay guys. The energy is the same.

She's not running away from you, she's just trying to do her job. Leave the waitress alone.

You better not have a girlfriend. You're wife would be pissed.

Don't cheat on her

Thanks, i'm glad somebody noticed I be out here exudin'

I'm glad you got the accent I was going for, lol

You know how in politics, people call those who disagree with them "pedophiles". I think the unevenedge version of that is going to be Cat Fucker...as in, I saw what you been posting in this thread Cat Fucker. Yeah, I bet you would like it if they ate your face you sick bastard. Backing up your cat cafe pal. You two prowl for puss at cat cafes? Fucking cat fuckers always stick together.

In that thread i'm reacting to the "fucking the cat" joke, in this thread i'm making it....at least I was, until you ruined it

No matter what, based on this picture, you shouldn't be allowed to have this cat anymore.

Imagine finding out that cat's last owner un-lived themselves. Now you keep waking up to the cat staring at you. Do you immediately assume the cat ate that person's face and now has a taste for...y'know?

Who tried you, dawg?

This is what happens when you fuck with the Mouse.

This sounds like something the current Pope would say.

This is not a good time for your airline to be called Spirit.

Wow, they're paying people to fly now. I should've waited

...now reflects how scared the airline thinks you are. I just flew cross country for a compliment and a pat on the back.

Is this an actual dog we're talking about? I feel the need to ask because you're involved.

You don't usually hear "best of luck," in these situations. I could be wrong, but it's usually something along the lines of "congratulations," isn't it? Sounds like you don't expect this to go well, lol.

America - "So how 'bout you give us the hostages and we give you Afghanistan?" Hamas - "What?" America - "It's an empty lot, freshly bulldozed. You can build the home of your dreams." Israel - "But, eh, if they accept the deal, they all have to go and Gaza is ours, yes?" America - "Dude, chill. I'm trying to do something here." Hamas - "What about the Afghans? Not to mention the Taliban. Where do they go?" America - "Look, lets not pretend you don't know how this works. You section off an area for them, build some walls, put up some guard towers, tell the world they are dangerous people. Come on, I gotta walk you through this?" Hamas - "uhhh, we're...probably going to need some weapons...to defend...ourselves." America - "No problem." Hamas - "Missiles?" America - "Sure, why not." Hamas - "Then it's a deal." Israel - "So you all leave Gaza and Gaza is ou..." Hamas - "Yes, yes, Jesus Christ, you can have the place, you lunatic." Israel - "Jesus?" Hamas - "I mean....fuck it, who cares, i'm out of here."

Happy Birthday! You get that thing I sent ya?

Migrants at the boarder are "invading barbarian tribes." Finally, somebody said it.

Woah, is this still going on? I guess my therapist was right, I don't care about anyone but myself. Though she did say that when she broke up with me, so it might not have been her professional opinion.

The more things change, the more they famous name