[classic swim]

Biggest fear is going to bed dead and waking up alive.

Archie Bunker’s Place is so fucking weird. You see the title and think “uh-oh, better watch out!” and Edith’s dead. And Archie’s fucking this girl 40 years younger than him as a one night stand. And he’s sad it’s no strings attached, and that’s the whole episode with no jokes.

Wishlist if I can get outta this fucking mess: 1. New VCR. Last one was a Funai. Maybe VCR/DVD combos are worse and I should get a stand-alone VCR. 2. A 2nd laptop that’s Windows 10 or 11. One I got now won’t budge on any updates. 3. Standard Definition, Panasonic camera. *** Make some real movies with this shit!***

Wants to bring a moose to the cookout if the rangers will allow it.

They say her hooha has enticed him.

Makes sea lion noises on the plane to get the crying babies to laugh.

Was a director in a PORNO movie...

Isn’t scared of the Chicago Bears.

Never had the makings of a varsity athlete.

I knew a guy who barged into a crowded Wendy’s lobby just to rub his raw cock up against the counter and made the retiring manager scream all traumatized. And then he rushed the cop inside with a knife and got shot with his penis still hanging out.

One time I went into Don Pablo’s bathroom as a full grown adult and pulled down my pants and shit on the floor and then I picked the turd up and went back out to rub the shit curl against this fucking old guy’s face completely unprovoked.

But I forgot what they ordered.

Well one time I was with my folks and I couldn’t hear what this guy was going to have with his wife. So I walked over to his table and put my face on his face as he was talking to the waiter and tried to jokingly fondle his balls a little bit with his wife watching!

Halo?

Holy shit! Bob the Cucumber’s gone crazy!

This episode and the Clum Babies one fucking ruled.

Puts on a mustache and tippy toes to her house guests like “Zis time I vill not drop ze food!”

Tried putting baked beans in the chili.

Look, we all know Demarco can be a pussy bitch, but how soon will he waddle into the workplace bathroom just so Zaslav can hit him with a hammer and fartfuck dat rusty brown donut against his motherfucking will?