[classic swim]

+ Kroger chicken and champagne.

“Look... Covid! Stuff! We ended in 2009! Can you tell? Stuff!” If not, maybe just for the one episode back or something and then produce a better intro once that gets tiresome. Point of the intro that made it good in the first place was ordinary shit moving at perfect speed that matched with the tune playing. Looks wonky, also. Which, yeah. They’re not using the intro the way it’s supposed to be used. It’s supposed to move fast and not exist to jingle keys. Still, KOTH theme credits should be like the last thing on list to look wonky in a reboot. Y’know. Since there’s minimal work. And little is animated.

Something as simple as the motherfucking electric bill. Websites are just so hard to maintain, evidently... I go down to the building and can’t even make it inside. I have to use the same useless phone line that didn’t fucking work hours ago since NO HUMAN BEING EXISTS TO ANSWER AND FIX THEIR SHIT. You got your own penthouse downtown and no degenerate in uniform can just get my shit paid right there. Thought the great line of sand was that everyone else’s lives matter because they went to college. And I didn’t go to college, so my purpose in life is beneath your aunt’s used tampon in the trash. Pretty sure since always and forever, to the end of time... that was the payoff. So what the fuck’s the matter stupid asshole? Why don’t you use your magical college degree superpowers to open the building doors and do remotely something that consists of a fucking job for a change? For once?

Took my chicken costume to the dry cleaners.

Tackled his enemy to the ground and screamed deeply and immensely into his ear.

Already pissed off waiting on a one and done paycheck that’s a day late, and this stupid fucking bitch is knocking on everyone’s door shilling a mobile plan.

Got hit in the face with banana custard cream pie and chased me around with a rolling pin.

Thought he could get drunk off root beer floats when he was at the horse track.

Had a staring contest with a potato just like Paz the Penguin.

Makes angry bull noises when Tao inadequately tips the cow.

@DeadwingLazarus

Took ghostrek to Myrtle Beach.

Shows each and every baby the jack-in-a-box toy knowing most of them can’t handle the surprise.

Was there at the MTV Awards to see Eminem laughing in the hallway after Sacha Baron Cohen landed on him.

Draft dodging is not at all an insult. It’s only a jab when you wanna mock Donald or some politician displaying hypocrisy by talking above their hernia. I’m too old for any draft, and would still declare with great intensity that I’d dodge a draft.

Purchased my body hair to help disguise himself and blend in with the werewolves that have taken over the basketball court near Eddie’s dive bar.