Real_AirCooledGirl

Don't stop at paying the voice actors better. Have them seize the means of production, too.

My mom, aunt, and gender therapist have all suggested I look into some transgender support groups. Think I might give that a try. But I still want to land a nice girl to settle down with. And at 35, I feel like I have a lot of lost time to make up for. I'm not getting any younger. And believe me, if I'd known as an adolescent in the late '90s and early 2000s that I could have gone on puberty blockers followed by feminems, I'd have transitioned a long time ago already.

That's far easier said than done. I get fixated on a single person easily while not considering others. And part of me doesn't want anyone else but said doc, goddamn it. All too often, unrequited love has been an issue for me. There was this one girl I liked back in 9th grade; she turned out to be a right-wing Christian kook, COVIDiot, and anti-vax Karen all at the same time (which I discovered earlier this year). Another girl I liked from 11th to 12th grade, I mentioned in an earlier post here. She was this beautiful biracial girl that I got along well with, but I was always afraid she'd reject me for not being black. I later learned that she was a religious chick, and as an atheist, religious belief is a big turn-off for me no matter what faith or deity it is. And this current girl? I like her so much it hurts despite barely knowing her. If I'm going to look for a sugar mama, though, I might go where the rich people in my area go. There must be some rich gay, bi, and pan girls around. Bonus points if they like birds because I have a feather-baby myself, a blue-fronted amazon parrot named Ricky.

I don't put ketchup on my steaks. I like them well-done but I never put ketchup on them. I eat them as-is or put hot sauce on them.

Can't blame a girl for trying. I love to cook, so that's one thing I can bring to the table. This afternoon, I told my gender therapist about this. I told them (they're nonbinary, hence the they/them pronouns) about how I've had a crush on my HRT doctor for over two months now and can't get her out of my head. The day I brought that batch of halva with me, though, I didn't mention to her about how I made it myself with dark chocolate. If you want, I can DM you a photo I took of it. I also mentioned how I'm attracted to intelligent women, am looking for security and stability in my life by dating/marrying up, and the whole mommy/little girl thing (similar to the daddy/boy dynamic among some gay men). Last evening, though, after I read GunStarHero's post about this, I actually broke down and cried. Since starting HRT, crying spells have been very rare for me, surprisingly. I told my therapist this, too. And I also brought up fear of rejection as well. I was afraid of being rejected before transitioning and I still am now. I also told my therapist about how I've been considering getting myself out there and dating women as the woman I've always known myself to be but don't know where to start. They suggested I think about what I'd do with any woman I end up dating. That's quite a thing to think about considering my limited dating history. They also gathered that I prefer doing things in-person to using dating sites or apps. I always considered online dating shady because of the potential for catfishers, chasers, and murderous psychos. I told the therapist about how I once used Zoosk but nothing came of it. All the professionals I'm seeing may each have an incomplete picture of things. The more I tell them about everything, the better.

Raw meat doesn't seem safe to eat PERIOD. It's a primo breeding ground for bacteria and other pathogens! You want foodborne illnesses? That's how you get foodborne illnesses!

Does anyone else here watch his YouTube channel? I've been following him for over a year or so. Recently, he's come back to the States to do a food tour. Here's his latest video if anyone's interested.

I bet you'd eat raw chicken, too, if someone served it to you. If so, enjoy your salmonella.

Enjoy your E. coli.

You mean raw meat? Hell no! Meat is best cooked! Why would anyone want to eat raw meat such as steak tartare? WHY? COOK YOUR DAMN MEAT!

I guess you saw the pic I took of my 1-year tranniversary dinner, huh? Those veggies weren't burnt. They're BLACKENED--Cajun-style. And I don't know how my doctor likes her steaks but I know I like mine well-done. Fuck the food police; I eat what I like! If it's mooin', I ain't chewin'! I did bring some chocolate halva with me once. Offered her some; she turned it down. That's fine, more for me. So you know, I made the halva myself and used dark chocolate. Gained a taste for it after I received a Universal Yums box. Every month, they send you a box of snacks from a different country. That month's box had Turkish snacks in it and halva was one of them. I liked it so much that I bought tahini and dark chocolate to make my own halva.

How the hell did I ruin any of the food? No, I pan-fried everything, including the steak.

How am I blurring the line between idealism and possessiveness? Nothing I've posted indicates being possessive.

Targ meat from Star Trek.

I wouldn't say "never" to that. Microsoft owns both Bethesda and Obsidian now.

Are you asking me if I want to be your board-wife?

The comparison I made was the best thing I could think of. Alternatively, you could think of going from the prior girls I dated to my hormone doc as going from driving a Ford to driving a Maybach. It's hard to go back. I've only used one dating site, Zoosk, and even then it was 1) back in my boymode years, 2) a long time ago (late 2000s), and 3) a lot of the women on there didn't seem like my type. There's at least a couple LGBTQ+ spots near me. I might try my luck there at the very least. But I think at least part of me will still have the hots for my doc, damn it. Don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been. Even if, for argument's sake, something did happen between her and I, I'd imagine we'd keep it a secret. If anyone got wind of us, we could always tell people we're married. If pressed for details, we'd just say we tied the knot at the courthouse; we'd have the excuse of a pandemic to explain not having a proper ceremony with our families and friends in attendance. And we could say we kept our own names intact so it's one less thing to update. Maybe I'm a little girl looking for a mommy. Maybe I want security and stability in my life, entry into a world I'm not part of but in which I belong. I never quite got that with other girls. Maybe I'm turned on by the thrill of breaking a taboo. But when you're a year into HRT, haven't actively looked for a partner in forever, and fall for someone, you can't help but think they could potentially be The One, regardless of how well you know them. And I have limited experience with the ladies, partly due to Asperger's syndrome (I didn't want anyone finding out for the longest time) and partly out of dysphoria (I always felt like playing the boyfriend role was forced when I knew I should be the girlfriend to another girl). The fact that my family always bantered and badgered me over why I didn't see anybody (especially coming from my great-grandmother, from 10th grade until the day she died) hasn't helped. Even they expected me to be a groom when I should be a bride, and I've never been married. There may be plenty of fish out there, but there's only one of her.