The_annoying_one

Told his boss he can’t come in this week because his pet rock died.

Bought a parrot just to teach it foul language.

Once tried to get an appointment with Dr. Mario.

Likes to stand up and boo loudly whenever the other theater patrons give a standing ovation.

All the holidays really do anymore is make me want to drink. And I don’t even really drink. Hmm…

His favorite way to cook hamburgers is by boiling them.

People who mention The Grinch, then show a picture or video of the Jim Carrey version, are the absolute worst.

Nuked a couple of frozen burritos. I was gonna go pick up some takeout, but I just didn’t feel like it.

Brings his own food & drinks to the Cheetah Lounge.

Likes to swing on chandeliers and yell like Tarzan.

Asked the dancer at the Cheetah Lounge to rub baby oil on his head and sing him a lullaby.

Likes to call people on the phone and just breathe heavily.

Watches Pornhub for the stories.

Plays Hopscotch with Mr. Hoonie every Saturday afternoon.

Eats his peas one at a time.

Likes to take an Uber to the bus stop, then takes the bus to his destination.

Homemade Hamburger Helper

His alarm sound is The Chipmunk Song.

I panic-bought something from Amazon last night at 3 AM because I lost the one I had. I finally found the missing item this afternoon and the bastards at Amazon won’t let me cancel my order. There goes almost $20 I really didn’t need to spend…

Wants a hippopotamus for Christmas.

Why do I keep trying to use electric razors when I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they have never worked for me? I mean, it was just pure laziness today, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that I even bought the thing.