jackiemarie90 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 (edited) She even threatened to call security on me. Btw I have never physically assaulted a person, unless it was my sisters fucking with me. I was raising my voice though, for weeks I felt like she was ignoring my top concerns. I have real hard time to concentrate and space out a lot since childhood, and have very short attention span. I told her those were main concerns because they are really affecting my school work. She kept pushing that I was suffering from major depression and anxiety. Today I came for an appointment, printed a lot of pages of research about the subject. And she didn't even want to read them, I highlighted them for her and everything. I skipped school today cause it's like a confirmation for me that nobody truly cares. Not even dam psychiatrist, all she wanted to do was drug me with Valium, Tradozone, and zoloft. I actually didn't mind the wellbutrin xl but I brought all of them in a bag, told her should could keep them and not I'm coming there anymore. I have heard that I can be intimidating before, some from my teachers, maybe cause I'm tall and have anxiety about assignments. But I guess cause of their judgments hard for me to try and make new friends. Anyways I'm drinking Tequila and skipped class today. Edited February 23, 2018 by jackiemarie90 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghostrek Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 wellbutrin is pretty good med but is sound inblances of some kind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derackthehunter Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 That's sucks, I would have looked into seeing someone else who would take your concerns seriously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stilgar Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 I would suggest you don't give up on fixing what my be wrong with your mental health, but you should definitely find a different doctor to see about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death_by_motorboat Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 just a bad day. wait it out. what are you going college for? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 3 minutes ago, ghostrek said: wellbutrin is pretty good med but is sound inblances of some kind Wellbutrin is WAAAAAAY better than zoloft to me. Zoloft blurred my vision, took my energy, it literally made feel like I was in the sunken place. lol and the women is my psychiatrist! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghostrek Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 2 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: Wellbutrin is WAAAAAAY better than zoloft to me. Zoloft blurred my vision, took my energy, it literally made feel like I was in the sunken place. lol and the women is my psychiatrist! i had meds dint work out befor i understand how it gose with meds Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 8 minutes ago, Derackthehunter said: That's sucks, I would have looked into seeing someone else who would take your concerns seriously. True but that takes a lot of time on MediCal insurance. Had to wait 2 months just see this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 9 minutes ago, stilgar said: I would suggest you don't give up on fixing what my be wrong with your mental health, but you should definitely find a different doctor to see about it. I'm also considering dark web options at this point, I feel like I can't even try anymore right now. Finding a new doctor will take months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 7 minutes ago, mumbojummie13 said: just a bad day. wait it out. what are you going college for? To be a history major, but I feel so awful right now, it's hard to think about anything with this all going in my mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 2 minutes ago, ghostrek said: i had meds dint work out befor i understand how it gose with meds Yeah I was just looking for funny pop culture moments, they tend to cheer me up a bit, and memes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derackthehunter Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 2 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: True but that takes a lot of time on MediCal insurance. Had to wait 2 months just see this one. That's a long wait, I can see why that would make you question wether to see someone else. The best I could tell you to try to find someone who'd be good to talk too during the transition. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 Just now, Derackthehunter said: That's a long wait, I can see why that would make you question wether to see someone else. The best I could tell you to try to find someone who'd be good to talk too during the transition. One of my best friends I used to talk all time on here died 2 years ago. By friends irl for a couples of years abandon me because of a rumor, then when I caught them talking shit in public I simply acknowledge that I saw it with a "like". Of course it was all my fault so they block me and talk shit all they time. I stopped talking to my family about 2 years ago too, they kept blaming me for things so I'm simply just trying to avoid them. I do have so great friends here to talk to, but they stay up later than me these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poof Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 How tall are u? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 6 minutes ago, Poof said: How tall are u? I've not even THAT tall but 5'10 is tall around here I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuggnificent Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 (edited) you do know that a short attention span or actually inability to concentrate can be caused by depression, right?? i got really depressed and had to drop out of school a few times because i was incapable of focusing or studying. Edited February 24, 2018 by fuggnificent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 4 minutes ago, fuggnificent said: you do know that a short attention span or actually inability to concentrate can be caused by depression, right?? i got really depressed and had to drop out of school a few times because i was incapable of focusing or studying. I am, and my psychiatrist knew this as well, and threw it back at me. Too be honest I think there is more with me, I had alot of these issues in grade school, I told my mom, she said stop acting like a retard. So I guess it's hard to get people to believe me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuggnificent Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Just now, jackiemarie90 said: I am, and my psychiatrist knew this as well, and threw it back at me. Too be honest I think there is more with me, I had alot of these issues in grade school, I told my mom, she said stop acting like a retard. So I guess it's hard to get people to believe me. you are what? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 Just now, fuggnificent said: you are what? Idk, I think there is high chance I qualify for a learning disability. Both my sisters have it, I know my older sister was dyslexic. I'm thinking I might have ADHD, as I tend to type fast and leave a ton of grammar mistakes behind. I reread the same sentence over 20 times because I can't focus, and I'm always daydreaming, during class, or even with my boyfriend, it's hard to focus on the now. Plus I think my psychiatrist was happy to get rid of me. She was like, please leave and all that shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vamped Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Take some time to cool down a little. Do you have free counselors at school? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 56 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: She even threatened to call security on me. Btw I have never physically assaulted a person, unless it was my sisters fucking with me. I was raising my voice though, for weeks I felt like she was ignoring my top concerns. I have real hard time to concentrate and space out a lot since childhood, and have very short attention span. I told her those were main concerns because they are really affecting my school work. She kept pushing that I was suffering from major depression and anxiety. Today I came for an appointment, printed a lot of pages of research about the subject. And she didn't even want to read them, I highlighted them for her and everything. I skipped school today cause it's like a confirmation for me that nobody truly cares. Not even dam psychiatrist, all she wanted to do was drug me with Valium, Tradozone, and zoloft. I actually didn't mind the wellbutrin xl but I brought all of them in a bag, told her should could keep them and not I'm coming there anymore. I have heard that I can be intimidating before, some from my teachers, maybe cause I'm tall and have anxiety about assignments. But I guess cause of their judgments hard for me to try and make new friends. Anyways I'm drinking Tequila and skipped class today. That's the therapy game, your shrink drones on about drugs and disorders and never asks how your day was. That's how they're trained in school, to not give a f*ck. In case you're wondering, all shrinks are like this. It's a waste of time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuggnificent Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 (edited) 6 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: Idk, I think there is high chance I qualify for a learning disability. Both my sisters have it, I know my older sister was dyslexic. I'm thinking I might have ADHD, as I tend to type fast and leave a ton of grammar mistakes behind. I reread the same sentence over 20 times because I can't focus, and I'm always daydreaming, during class, or even with my boyfriend, it's hard to focus on the now. Plus I think my psychiatrist was happy to get rid of me. She was like, please leave and all that shit. hmm.. i looked at the symtpoms. Ive had all of those issues.. especially memory and trouble starting tasks... with depression. I am on great meds and am focusing better. I can understand finding another doctor.. but be careful of self diagnosing online and try to trust in professionals. oh and i luuuuurrrrrve my trazodone! makes a world of difference for me! also you might want to find a counselor to talk to instead of a doctor. doctors just try to throw medicine at your issues. Edited February 24, 2018 by fuggnificent 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 (edited) 12 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: So I guess it's hard to get people to believe me. No just the people in your direct life. Don't give up hope. I grew up a similar way. Just like there's someone to date for everyone, there's someone who WILL believe in you out there. Edited February 24, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 7 minutes ago, Vamped said: Take some time to cool down a little. Do you have free counselors at school? Yeah, they were the ones to suggest I have ADHD but they can't prescribe anything, that honor goes to the freaking psychiatrist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 4 minutes ago, J.M. Matthews said: That's the therapy game, your shrink drones on about drugs and disorders and never asks how your day was. That's how they're trained in school, to not give a f*ck. In case you're wondering, all shrinks are like this. It's a waste of time. I believe it now, I was forced to see one in high school, just kinda ignored me, none really have an ounce of care, it's just easy to see you are this or that, and take this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 5 minutes ago, fuggnificent said: hmm.. i looked at the symtpoms. Ive had all of those issues.. especially memory and trouble starting tasks... with depression. I am on great meds and am focusing better. I can understand finding another doctor.. but be careful of self diagnosing online and try to trust in professionals. oh and i luuuuurrrrrve my trazodone! makes a world of difference for me! also you might want to find a counselor to talk to instead of a doctor. doctors just try to throw medicine at your issues. I've been on them for a month, just feel like killing myself sooner tbh, did some cuts today. But now I'm drinking so I'm more calm. Also it was a school councilor who suggest it. Also most studies focus on boys symptoms. http://www.apa.org/topics/adhd/gender.aspx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoobdog Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 11 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: I am, and my psychiatrist knew this as well, and threw it back at me. Too be honest I think there is more with me, I had alot of these issues in grade school, I told my mom, she said stop acting like a retard. So I guess it's hard to get people to believe me. You did the right thing by insisting that it's more than just depression. Sometimes others can't deal with the thought that you are unable to express what is causing you duress, but given the kind of traumas the human mind is capable of suppressing, the fact that she wouldn't listen to you is beyond negligent. Not that I want you to relive any kind of hidden trauma, it might be worth it just talking with a counselor at your school's health services as you try to find a different psychiatrist. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 (edited) 6 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: I believe it now, I was forced to see one in high school, just kinda ignored me, none really have an ounce of care, it's just easy to see you are this or that, and take this. Do you have any hobbies, like writing or drawing? Those can be form of therapy: Keeping yourself busy. Cutting is not a good coping mechanism. You need to replace it with some safe and healthy habits, don't hurt yourself. Edited February 24, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, scoobdog said: You did the right thing by insisting that it's more than just depression. Sometimes others can't deal with the thought that you are unable to express what is causing you duress, but given the kind of traumas the human mind is capable of suppressing, the fact that she wouldn't listen to you is beyond negligent. Not that I want you to relive any kind of hidden trauma, it might be worth it just talking with a counselor at your school's health services as you try to find a different psychiatrist. I mean it's ideal. But I'm afraid she is going to write a report about and it will be on my record. And no psychiatrist will take me seriously. Tbh I have had a councilor and a nurse say it could be a major problem, but for those who make more money, tend to say no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuggnificent Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, jackiemarie90 said: I've been on them for a month, just feel like killing myself sooner tbh, did some cuts today. But now I'm drinking so I'm more calm. Also it was a school councilor who suggest it. Also most studies focus on boys symptoms. http://www.apa.org/topics/adhd/gender.aspx if you feel suicidal and are cutting, THAT MEDICINE IS NOT WORKING!! listen YOU WILL KNOW WHEN YOUR MEDS WORK!! you will feel BETTER not WORSE i lived in agony for years and the only thing that gave me a break from it was getting the right medication. but i had to try out a lot of stuff that didnt work first. my doctors listened and were good at putting me on different meds when what i was on wasnt working. please tell your doctor your not feeling any better and are cutting. he needs to change your meds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 Just now, J.M. Matthews said: Do you have any hobbies, like writing or drawing. Those can be form of therapy: Keeping yourself busy. I don't even enjoy playing video games anymore tbh. Even though I don't get a lot of sleep I enjoy laying in my bed and scrolling my phone. Its nice when I get the weekend with my boyfriend, but now he is working 10 hr shifts at Tesla. Hard to see him during the week, he gets home at 2:30 am. But I'm hoping he can save money so we can finally move out, that would make me happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 2 minutes ago, fuggnificent said: if you feel suicidal and are cutting, THAT MEDICINE IS NOT WORKING!! listen YOU WILL KNOW WHEN YOUR MEDS WORK!! you will feel BETTER not WORSE i lived in agony for years and the only thing that gave me a break from it was getting the right medication. but i had to try out a lot of stuff that didnt work first. my doctors listened and were good at putting me on different meds when what i was on wasnt working. please tell your doctor your not feeling any better and are cutting. he needs to change your meds. I did tell her. I told her she was depressing more, that zoloft was a huge mistake. I showed her my scars, but thats when she started saying I was threat. Everybody, naturally gets upset when I tell them they are hurting me, and all they do is make excuses around me instead just acknowledging me at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 (edited) How is your self identity? How do you feel about your own identity? Do you see yourself a certain way? Do you know who you are and have a mission or do you feel confused and worried. I find a lot of psychiatric problems seem to be tied to our identity in some ways. Edited February 24, 2018 by J.M. Matthews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuggnificent Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 2 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: I did tell her. I told her she was depressing more, that zoloft was a huge mistake. I showed her my scars, but thats when she started saying I was threat. Everybody, naturally gets upset when I tell them they are hurting me, and all they do is make excuses around me instead just acknowledging me at all. she sounds kind of retarded but i dont know the full story. try to take it easy.. stop taking the meds if they are making you feel worse.. and go to an emergency room instead (ive done this myself.. im not just saying this for nothing) and they will get you a new doctor a lot faster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 6 minutes ago, Distortedreasoning said: This is very similar, except my rants went a little bit longer. >.> lol I wasn't even standing, I was sitting the whole time talking like him, but I'm so threatening you guiz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gyaos Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 I thought this was going to be a Zenigundam shit post, but it wasn't. Now I feel bad. As hard as it is, she sounds like someone who is only there for a paycheck and not someone who legitimately cares about her patients. I would suggest switching doctors if at all possible. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, fuggnificent said: she sounds kind of retarded but i dont know the full story. try to take it easy.. stop taking the meds if they are making you feel worse.. and go to an emergency room instead (ive done this myself.. im not just saying this for nothing) and they will get you a new doctor a lot faster These are some good ideas, I just don't if I have to energy to do things, I might take alot of cannabis oil later, pass out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, Gyaos said: I thought this was going to be a Zenigundam shit post, but it wasn't. Now I feel bad. As hard as it is, she sounds like someone who is only there for a paycheck and not someone who legitimately cares about her patients. I would suggest switching doctors if at all possible. They're ALL like that, believe me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gyaos Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Just now, J.M. Matthews said: They're ALL like that, believe me. So they really aren't any different from physicians and others, huh? No wonder our mental healthcare is in the shitter. It's just like everything else then. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 2 minutes ago, Gyaos said: I thought this was going to be a Zenigundam shit post, but it wasn't. Now I feel bad. As hard as it is, she sounds like someone who is only there for a paycheck and not someone who legitimately cares about her patients. I would suggest switching doctors if at all possible. Yeah this clinic is connected to bigger ones in my hometown, my considering seeing a doctor for a 45 minute drive now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Just now, jackiemarie90 said: These are some good ideas, I just don't if I have to energy to do things, I might take alot of cannabis oil later, pass out. Is anyone in your family abusive? Friends? Authority figure? Neighbors? It sounds like you're dealing with some abuse from someone close to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuggnificent Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 minute ago, jackiemarie90 said: These are some good ideas, I just don't if I have to energy to do things, I might take alot of cannabis oil later, pass out. letting lack of energy kill your motivation sounds a lot like the depression dragging you down to me. self medicating only works but for so long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Just now, Gyaos said: So they really aren't any different from physicians and others, huh? No wonder our mental healthcare is in the shitter. It's just like everything else then. Yeah, Watch that film Sicko by Michael Moore, it explains health care and psychiatric perfectly, and how it's not really a helpful system. The only thing in health care that benefited me was social security money. All Healthcare talk is bullshit. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoobdog Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 5 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: I mean it's ideal. But I'm afraid she is going to write a report about and it will be on my record. And no psychiatrist will take me seriously. Tbh I have had a councilor and a nurse say it could be a major problem, but for those who make more money, tend to say no. Your medical records are not available to anyone without your consent (except in rare circumstances to law enforcement with a court order), and that includes other medical professionals. At most, the new psychiatrist would want to know what medicines you are taking or have taken in the past to better diagnose you, but he or she certainly would never ask for a previous doctor's report and you would not be obligated to provide it. Still, given your track record, it might be a great idea to see if you can continue to talk with someone about your feeling in a non clinical forum so that you can better formulate what is bothering you. If I had to guess, your mother dismissing your problems sounds to be extremely problematic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.M. Matthews Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 It's about as helpful as school and work. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poof Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 1 hour ago, jackiemarie90 said: I've not even THAT tall but 5'10 is tall around here I guess. That’s pretty tall. I always thought u were short Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gyaos Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Just now, J.M. Matthews said: Yeah, Watch that film Sicko by Michael Moore, it explains health care and psychiatric perfectly, and how it's not really a helpful system. The only thing in health care that benefited me was social security money. All Healthcare talk is bullshit. Yeah, I'm aware. I'm a paramedic. Not quite the same as being in a hospital doing work, but I can tell that most hospital workers don't seem to care what they're doing, even if someone is in a coma or near death. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 8 minutes ago, jackiemarie90 said: This is very similar, except my rants went a little bit longer. >.> lol I wasn't even standing, I was sitting the whole time talking like him, but I'm so threatening you guiz. your psychiatrist sucks, they should be trying to help you out, and not feel threatened when they are supposed to be doing their jobs. im sure you could sound threatening if you wanted to Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackiemarie90 Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 3 minutes ago, J.M. Matthews said: Is anyone in your family abusive? Friends? Authority figure? Neighbors? It sounds like you're dealing with some abuse from someone close to you In the old days, I used to complain about my mom around here. I told her I had focusing problems when I was young, she just called me an idiot. She would always talk shit about how I was a bad kid, and didn't get good grades for her. She used to tell me I was ugly all time, most of my sisters and mom are really femme, when I am not. She would force me on diets, and when she was man would drag me up the stairs by my hair. She punched me a few times but I kinda enjoy the fact that I know I can take a punch. The only good family member in my family was my Grandma, she was kinda tom boy too, and she did alot of work no one payed attention too. My mom would talk mad shit about her, but I loved her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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