Skiles

I think I could actually masturbate while thinking of a cheesy gordita crunch from Taco Bell. To completion, no less.

I could jerk off to this.

Do you really think I can fap to this? Again?

I didn't mean to sound like I'm trying to be an edgelord or anything. I'm just getting used to being comfortable around people, sorry. 😂

If by "vulkan," you actually mean "Guy who has historically not enjoyed interacting with people and genarally couldn't be happier than he is by himself," then you've got me dead to rights. In fairness, I'm way better now. I'm like 90% more comfortable in these situations than I was even five years ago. But I still genuinely prefer to be by myself at (almost) all times.

The only thing missing is the police officer shooting either the kid or the dad and not getting punished.

That would be cool, I guess. If not, it's whatever. Last time I had sex, I had gone seven years. What's another seven, right?

I highly doubt that if anything happens, it'll be with both. Certainly not at the same time. I'm not that baller.

Well, if you put them on correctly last night, I would have a lot of questions.

Not a great analogy, but not the worst analogy possible, I guess?

Well, the point of art is to invoke emotion. For me it invoked minor annoyance for spending a full minute watching it.So in that regard, technically, yes, it is art.

One of them is what you might call "conventionally hot." The other one, I think is very cute, and between the two, I find her easier to talk to. The "hot" one is cool, and we can carry on a conversation perfectly well, but I just vibe better with the other one. There's no point to this post, other than to brag about the fact that I'm being flirted with at work on the regs. 😐

When you're an alien disguised as a human but you get too into it at the gym and you blow your cover.

I still expect payment for this consultation.

I checked it out. Not dirty enough for me. I only watch porn like, once a month, but if I'm in that mindset, I wanna get real raunchy about it.

I meant drink only water. Food wise, just don't eat complete garbage. That bar sounds pretty light, so no big ducci.

Drink water all day and nothing else. You'll probably puke it back up at first, but keep drinking it. By the end of the day you'll be good to go. Thank you for consulting Dr. Skiles. Your bill is in the mail.

I have reason to believe that this post is about drugs. I'm calling the FBI.

Back in my day, consoles and telephones were made well enough to be used as a murder weapon and still function perfectly afterwards. *waves cane at the sky*

I know that vibe. My ancient iPhone 5 that I had until recently was good for about that long if I was playing music. God forbid I try to watch a YouTube video. 😐

I swear to God, these phones make me feel like I'm 97 years old.

Where every so often, the screen just decides it's never going to flip sideways again, and I have to restart it. Technology is incredible.

I accepted my quitter status a decade ago. 👌

That's a nice excuse for bad parenting you have there.

No offense, but I find that to be shitty.