Skiles

You know what they say... Bitches be shoppin'. I'm not sure how that applies here, but it is a thing people say.

Finish the burger on your own, or be forever labeled a coward!

I don't even remember the joke. It was some kind of Silence of the Lambs, "Puts the lotion on its skin" play on words. But it fucking killed her. It was nice, because my jokes don't usually land that way because my sense of humor is too specific. So it felt good to make someone laugh. Especially a dang cutie that I would not mind hanging out with outside of work. 😏

Dating is easy. Stop overthinking it. Just be a person. The right one will come to you eventually.

Well, how was the Tetsusaiga? Did it get big? Or did it shun you and stay skinny?

Got love for my shoes.

This sounds way too level-headed and mundane. Who are you, and why did you hack our sweet Poof?

Lately it's booze, since I'm mid-relapse right now. When I'm sober, massage videos on YouTube. Specifically Indian head and body massage. Shit knocks me out.

As I said in an above post, when the time comes, just hold onto those positive moments and memories. You have to. That's what gets you through. At least it did for me. Also, if you have any photos or videos saved on your phone and/or computer, post them on social media. That way if your device shits the bed, you'll still have them. I'm so thankful I did, because I have so many pics of my doogers, and they would've been lost to time. Then again, I know the cloud is a thing, but I'm too stupid to figure out how to use it.

Thank you. I like to think she's out there, wherever souls go, playing with Muppy, our first pooch. They were good buds.

I appreciate you.

Sorry for your lots as well. It never gets all the way okay, but it definitely gets better. Cling to those good memories!

That's how it goes for an up-and-coming comic.

Meatwad needs to lay off that narcotic. That shit done made him null and void.

It was pretty tight. But seriously, she was riddled with cancer, and we had to put her to sleep. It was very sad. I cried myself to sleep last night. Probably will again tonight. But at least she isn't suffering anymore, y'know? That's what's important to me. I loved her so much, and seeing her in pain was too much to bear. Or bare. Or whatever the fuck.

This feels like the plot of a movie that Tom Hanks would definitely be in, and I'm here for it.

Fuck that guy. He sounds like a douchebag anyway. You'll find the right dude eventually. Keep your head up. 👌

I'm pretty sure Bezos is gonna come to your house and mug you now.

Damn, bro. To be both disappointed and not surprised means you really took this to heart. I didn't mean to cut you so deep, my dude.

Bitches love deals.

Too bad. A-Rod is the MVP, and probably literally Jesus. Don't make us sic the Saints on you again. 😛

That's how bad I wanted out of Lincoln. 😂 I'm just glad we don't have bears and shit.

I'd hit it.

For more information, feel free to come to my weekly seminar in the town hall.

It's getting closer.