molarbear

"I peaked in Middle School" -Me everyday of my Life

I laughed so hard I had to grab a tissue and clean my face off

That U2 song from the soundtrack was pretty awesome for like 3 months

WRONG! It's going to be a combination of hair from my stomach and the weird hairs on my feet, I'm going to name the beard "Spaghetti"

What you people don't know is I got hair plugs on my face, I'm emerging from this thing with a beard that would rival Darwin's It's definitely not going to be all the hair from my head glued to my face so we can just go ahead and throw that theory out

Really? No one with the clutch "Real Monsters" response?

Did it steal your Tootsie Pop after claiming to inform you on how many licks it took to get to the center of it and then just chomp it?

I'm at that point of the night where I've had enough drinks to just let my brain go. The next one I'll be pretty decent at video games, and any drinks after that I quickly descend into not being able to multi task at all and watching a shit ton of animal videos on youtube

Fast Forward to 40 years in the future, The Rock is on his death bed Science still hasn't found a cure for your giant penis-itis and you accidentally get a boner one day and the blood can't get back to your brain fast enough giving you only 10 days to live Make a Wish makes an exception for you even though you're old as balls and you roll your modified wheel chair with a wheel barrel attached to front into The Rocks room Mix- "WTF WERE YOU COOKING ALL THESE YEARS?" The Rock- "Come closer" Due to your awkward dimensions of your wheel chair they have to move The Rock's bed sideways so this is possible *The Rock struggles to lift his head to your ear The Rock- "Closer." *You then move within awkwardly close distance of an old person where your ear is like a mil inch from that weird white stuff they have on the corners of their mouth The Rock- "You" His Hospital bed suddenly starts whirring and moving back and forth across the room rapidly and then he proceeds to People's Elbow you The Nurses help him back onto his bed at which point he hits a green button (Jurassic Park style) too weak to do the eyebrow raise and having planned for it, a robotic arm comes out of the bed and tapes one of his eyebrows up, the bed then shoots out the window while fireworks begin shooting out from it in mass display of awesome. The Rock planned to splat into the building next door, and he dies on impact, but he doesn't splat, no. He's still so massive he's shoots through the cheaply contracted wall, and through at least 2-3 more floors before finally coming to a rest on the new interns desk I'm going to be honest, I lost my train of thought after the first sentence

@Le Guignon

A human being can only break 70 hours a week so many times before you get mentally exhausted and start contemplating what speed you need to hit the tree in front of work to not hurt yourself too bad but be able to collect the free short term disability pay for 3 months

Due to a botched circumcision my is curly like a pig's dick Think of that little spring on a clothes clip

14 year old me

Only one way to find out

I think these are rabbit tracks, which gives me hope that blood fart is still alive and well

I'm snowed in so I can't really complain I get to play in the snow, and my brain can't guilt trip me for not doing things because I'm snowed in

JNCO sponsorship?

......Yes