Vamped

Probably like .... 4 years ago

You could come in for a package handler position high and half dressed and get hired on the spot .... you just can't do it for a DOT driving position. We had this one guy who passed everything, got on the road and came back drunk off his ass, he backed his truck into the conveyor belt and ran into like 13 mailboxes on his route so .... I really don't know how he got back without hitting anybody's car to be honest.

I could never hate Mondays enough to kill anybody. This dog ran into the street while I was on my way home one night and I couldn't slow down enough in time and I hit it. I was so torn up about it, my step dad and brother came out to look around the area to see if I hit it hard enough to kill it. They couldn't find it so I don't know what happened to it. I probably crippled it

This is the first time I've got a call about pee being too hot. Usually its too cold or too dilluted. .... or .... they just dont go I had one guy come in high as fuck. When he found out he had to take a drug test in 2 hours he just said don't even waste the money and left

I was gonna ask who that was but I just did a google search

Would IT be unprofessional of me to just flip over my whole desk. I've got contractors in my face demanding I get their applicants hired ... but they keep bringing me these fucking duds. This one man has failed 3 drug tests ... not even for drug content. The first 2 times his pee was too cold, this last time its too hot to come out of a human body >.> .... so you put somebody else's pee in the microwave then huh? This other guy has a felony and a warrant out for his arrest .... and this third man can'T read well enough to complete the application ... but you need them hired like yesterday Oh okay. Meanwhile somehow we've lost 300 packages in 2 days WHAT IS GOING ON?! ITS NOT EVEN LUNCH!!!!! I'm sorry for not asking .... how is your Monday going?

Hey ... woah ... you're asking for too much. Im a lady ..... not some clown faced, stuffed bra Jezebel. How dare you sir!

Is your friend the guy? >.> Do you wanna be in a relationship with him/them?

I like my coffee like I like my men ..... over priced and fancy .... with whipcream .... and a side of fancy pancakes .... maybe an omelette .... or no pancakes and hasbrown .... no definitely with pancakes >.> Maybe I just want a good breakfast

I dont think thats how it works

I would probably feel better about Xmas once I finish my masters and get away from FedEx. Peak season sucks the life out of the holidays. Yesterday this customer came to pick up their package at the facility and everybody is fucking swamped so I was like .... fuck it, I'll take it to him. ...... The guy was like .... this package feels too light. So i let him open it .... it was nothing in there but some balled up coupons. >.> .... so he went CLEAN OFF .... it was supposed to have a Apple I-watch inside .... i'm just standing there like .....

I feel you ...

I'd like to go to San Diego Comic Con >.> And then back to the Star Trek Convention I went to in Vegas

Definitely aliens then

I thought it was just a random burger pic

I had no idea this was a specific burger lmao

Might be damaged somewhere ... or you'll get it tomorrow

Oh shit I'm offended! I NEED AN ADULT!

You need to learn to be happy alone and not rely on somebody else to give you happiness .... not saying that you're unhappy. Thats just not a good attitude to have for anybody. I would rather be alone that have someone with me who isn't faithful or respects me enough to value our relationship >.> But I mean ... who am I to tell you what to do?

>.> My whole job is a looking for missing packages <.< They prolly stole it

I've heard of wealthy people paying for matchmaker services .... but you have pay a buttload of money and be celibate ... also highly sophisticated

>.> >.> ... I could go for a burger and a beer. Anybody wanna go on a date? I don't put out but I can probably embarrass you and pay for the movie and dessert

This is insensitive as fuck ... but I was looking for a meme and this made me lol .... then I had to pretend like I was choking at work