EmpressAngel

Hero- Nejire's so cute. LOOK AT MY GIRLS. Ryukyu is my wife. Get out of here, Fuckhands! Get your filthy shoes off that table. BIG CHUNGUS. Tamaki is a goddamn mood. I love BIG CHUNGUS. Oh shit Tamaki's quirk is cool as fuck. That woman screaming "HE'S TOTALLY CUTE" has her priorities straight and I respect her. Aw shit then he got shot. Aw fuck he lost his quirk. Don't do drugs, kids. I love that giant All Might billboard. Someone please hug Tamaki. Aw fuck he cut my boy. Kaminari being used as a phone charger. Surprisingly encouraging Bakugo. OH SHIT LOOK AT MY SON. Oh DAMN he looks cool. i'm so proud of him! CHUNGUS AHOY. Fatgum is my favorite hero. Oh noooo I sense a traumatic backstory on the horizon. Tamaki is my spirit animal. I'm so proud of my kids. Meanwhile, Bakugo is angry. Someone please save my baby. So what happens with Tamaki's quirk if he sucks a dick? OPM- I love when Saitama goes into Good Art Mode. Avenge that one guy! You should give him your prize money. He's the best. Don't worry, Charlie Brown will save us all. Oh hey, Genos is alive. Oh dude, just stay here and wallow in your failure on your own. Well, that was easy. I enjoy Saitama not giving any shits. Nope. FREE HUG monster is my favorite. I fully support anyone fighting naked. RIP monster, you were the best. I think that's called depression, Saitama. Oh hey King. Really the hair was just holding him back. Yes start ballroom dancing. That's surprisingly insightful. Video games are serious business. Watchdog Man kicked his ass. Nooo don't kill him he's our friend. Saitama says no. Sorry, you just broke all his bones. Oh hey Sonic. Hellfire Flame sounds right up my alley; he's going to die. Here, eat this pulsating anus. Yeah sure that'll help you win. Marshal Gorilla is an incredible theme. He's just a normal monkey, leave him alone. I love Errant Gorilla. I don't trust this other old guy. Just kill the little bastard, see if I care. This guy broke. That can't be good. Hey, you got Food Wars in my One Punch Man. Dr Stone- Get that man a coke. Awwww. Ginro's such a goddamn idiot, I love him. EVERYONE GETS A HAREM. Go for the dick! I love that everyone just keeps hurling that melon into the fights. I was joking about the dick thing but damn. Aw shit, Chrome's dead. Senku is best matchmaker. Oh god, Senku is chief now. Dude he won the fight, he's your king now. Fuck yeah, vinegar! Oh shit you gotta get those drugs now. What. This is fantastic. I love this old man so much. Suika faceplanting mid-run fucking floored me. Wake up Chrome! TIME FOR DRUGS, KIDS. Just smile and nod, Chrome. DON'T TOUCH THAT YOU BASTARD. Well now you don't get any soda. These sure are words you're saying. The only thing I understood here is baking soda. They did it! HE MADE THE COKE, HE DID IT. Why is this fucker drinking a discount Pepsi about to make me cry? Here, snort this. It's okay, they used to be married. RIP mouse. Masked Senku looks unreasonably funny to me. Oh this can't be good. Kaiju drug. Aw FUCK you've killed her. Aw shit you don't fuck with pnemonia. FUCK YEAH. Grandpa is still MVP. Awww, Kohaku's been saving her this whole time. AWWWWWW, SHE'S BETTER. Damn look at her go. I'm not crying you're cry-WAAAAIT WHAT. Explain now please. Fire Force- Aw fuck it's a Tamaki episode. DONKEY DICK. That is a nice hat. Hi boyfriend! Oh great, this bitch is here. Yes, I'd love to get your meat. Aw shit it's that guy. So wait is eyepatch douche on our side now? Oh hey, that other guy. Don't fight, you're both idiots. Take your shirt off, techie man. I hate these children. Lesson one, be in panic mode constantly. I enjoy seeing Shina get kicked in the mouth. Maybe don't trust this. Maybe they think you're a traitor because you've spent half the day hanging out with that evil guy. Maki is my girlfriend. Witch hat! When it doubt, just hit them with a hammer. Tamaki is the worst. I hate these children so much. This is some Naruto shit. Oh hey, that helped. Okay Arthur getting roundhouse kicked in the face is pretty good. Food Wars- I agree with these guys screaming about how shitty Megumi is. LOOK AT THE JIGGLE, GODDAMMIT. This girl's painful brand of feminism is exhausting. That is one ugly fish. Oh, is she finally gonna grow a spine? Hillbillies intensify. It sure was nice of them to waste probably hundreds of dollars of fish to let this pathetic, whiny child learn something. WE GET IT, SHE'S A STALKER. Gee I'm really sweating here on whether Megumi will trip ass-first into the next round. That sounds fucking terrible. You couldn't pay me enough to put that in my mouth, and I have some terrible standards. Whoever wrote this dialogue deserves a raise. Don't fight, you're both fucking terrible. Calm down bitch, even I'm not that thirsty. What a shock, the creepy bitch lost. And just like that, your deeply-ingrained psychological issues are cured! Demon Slayer- Oh right, THIS fucker. Oh no he's gonna have to kill that guy. I'm gonna fight this douche myself. I love my son. Whelp, somebody's gonna die. Oh hey, this is happening. Thanks, lady! I automatically trust her and surely this won't bite me in the ass. DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK. I kinda love this drunk guy. Okay that was not my fault. Get out of here you Michael Jackson sack of fuck. YOU ASSHOLE. Jesus christ. Noodles are serious business. Heeee look at my daughter. She's so cute! No shit she's a demon. THEM'S FIGHTIN' WORDS. Tanjiro is so great. This is just Platform 9 3/4. Ya gotta go the Ol' Yeller route with him. So much for not offending her. I love her. Let Nezuko take a nap. Well shit I'll sell you my blood for a good cause. Heeee Nezuko. Oh shit. She's so cool. You stay away from my son this is an important conversation. LOOK AT MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER. You raised our hopes and dashed them expertly, miss. Ohhhh there's gonna be a catch to this. Start killing shit, boy. AW FUCK. Black Clover- Maybe you should have told her the dead king's in there. Just kill everyone, Yami. Shut up, lesbian. Yami continues to be the single bright spot in this shit show. I think it would help if you took your shirt off. Oh god what now. I genuinely don't know if I'm supposed to remeber who this is. Great, team up and kill Asta. I ain't gonna complain if y'all kill Noelle. I'm rooting for psycho elf Deku here to slaughter them. You can go ahead and kill Asta. Use him as a human shield, fire lady! Oh hey, it's a hydra. Are there only like six people in this entire country that aren't goddamn elves? How goddamn stupid are you to not notice everybody looks different? STOP SCREAMING, YOU DIPSHIT. Oh right, dimestore Hisoka can do things. Ahahahahaha eat shit, Asta. Don't worry, fire lady can absolutely kill them with no remorse. I feel this on a personal level. Oh hey, he's awake. Jojo- Oh, he used to be a cop. Well this is depressing. OH, IT GOT WORSE. And that's why he's an angsty goth now. I also need a drink after that. Oh right, Giorno's here. Scratch that. Did Araki intentionally design Bruno's stand to make that giant zipper looks like it's got its dick out? Oooh it looks cool. Why did they give Moody Blues such a sweet ass. Okay that's a really cool power. He...deflated? Freek'n You totally sounds like a stand that would turn people into condoms. Aw fuck he's not there. Well fellas I admit I'm confused as shit here. Well Abba do you mind explaining it to me? And then he died. One last slap for the road. You stole his boyfriend, prepare to die. Is...is he the fly? Calm down there, fly man. And then we got a lesson on the difference in nautical birds. Can't kill my crew if I kill us all! What just happened. It was a boat condom. Don't fuck with Bruno. Now kiss. Lupin- He's such a bag of dicks. Just three dudes chilling on a rusty boat and leaking government secrets. HI REBECCA! And she brought pizza! God I love Fujiko. So is she getting married or what. Pirate Fuji does things for me. GIVE ME DETAILS, WOMAN. Eat shit, Enzo. Yeah this seems about right for America. Time for everybody to quit. Aww he came back for her. Oh that is one fancy sub. I don't even know who that lady is but I love how many women he has on-hand to save his ass. Oh hey it's those idiots. And then Lupin caused a civil war. This is so much fun. Sometimes two dudes are all you need. OH DAMN THAT WAS COOL. Heee it's the weeb kid. Just let that guy leave he doesn't even want to be here. Ohhhhh buddy that sounds ominous. Fujiko, giving zero shits about her impending doom. Eat shit, Enzo. Howdy, fuckface. Oh shit Ami. AWWWWWWWW. Just answer the question. WHAT. None of this silhouette bullshit show me what's up. Is...is he nice now? That'd be heartwarming if he wasn't such a bastard. Get Fuji some shoes. Awwwwww. Ami honey he's twice your age, let it go. Shut up Enzo you're going to jail. I have the biggest grin right now. So y'all married now or what?

OH HELL YES. Maybe he took one look at this season of Jojo and his mind just snapped at the bizarreness.

You sure seem to interact constantly with people you've apparently ignored. So like, do you actually know how to use the ignore function?

Oh no, this shit got released. Believe me. Fun fact: This is @Top Gun's favorite movie, no matter how hard he tries to deny it. He may be the only other person who actually owns a copy of this thing.

Is there such a thing as a perfect Christmas sweater? Yes there is and it's on the way here. https://www.boxlunch.com/product/my-hero-academia-all-might-ugly-holiday-sweater---boxlunch-exclusive/11970018.html

Hero- Oh my god just look at him he's like sunshine. You can save me any day, Lemillion. MY BABY. Oh fuck you, plague guy. Deku, immediately arousing suspicion. Oh hey, Endeavor finally has some competition for Worst Dad. Please save my baby. Just punch him in the dick and run. Mirio no don't leave my daughter. And then they got murdered in an alley. ERI NO DON'T GO. I love Bubble Girl. You bastards get your hands off my daughter. Mirio's so fucking tall I'm right at motorboat height for those pecs. Hold up so could he cure my shitty eyesight? I can't stop staring at her underboob. Hey who beat the shit out of Bakugo. I enjoy Aizawa just fucking dead-lifting a waterlogged Deku out of the pond with one arm. You knew Nighteye was an asshole. Oh no here we go. OHHHH THIS HURTS. I'm not crying you're crying and also I'm crying. Everyone here needs a hug. This is not my fault. Fuck you Nighteye but I owe you one for training my replacement boyfriend. AW FUCK. Tall Might only makes me feel a little better here. Please don't kill Might Boyfriend, show. Make up goddammit. GODDAMMIT FUCKHANDS GET OUT OF HERE. OPM- CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKER. Yeah that seems like a plan that worked out great. Don't touch the brain slugs. Oh yeah this is a real bad idea. RIP fat dude. Aw fuck that can't be good. Nice horns at least. Noooo don't do it. You idiots are gonna die now. I'll go out with you. PECS OF STEEL. Aww there go his cool horns. Oh you're definitely getting laid after this. Don't eat that you'll get ugly. We share the exact same priorities. This isn't my fault. I goddamn love Watchdog Man. I don't remember how he got that gratuitou titty window in his sweater but I appreciate it. Oh, this guy's still alive. Hey now would be a great time for Saitama to show back up. REVELRY IN THE DARK. Awwwwww fuck. Uhhh I don't think you're supposed to eat more than one of those things. MUMEN RIDER NO. No seriously where's Saitama for all this is he still running from security or what. It's what heroes do, you bastard. LIGHTNING SHOES. Thank you Tank Top Seitz. "You're pretty brave for a guy with no tank top." WHELP. I don't give a shit, kill the rich little bastard. Cat monster! Hey maybe we'll luck out and the monsters will just kill each other. Ohhh he's gonna eat you. Jesus Christ. Everybody's a liiiiittle busy right now, dude. HEY SAITAMA NICE OF YOU TO JOIN US. Man I love it when he goes into random Hot Art Mode.

I wanna play!

Bruh you got scammed on that pillow. Amazon's got 'em for like $25. And yeah, you should probably be suspicious of anyone charging less than $50 for a case. Anything under that and they're probably cutting corners on material or quality. And oh, I am well aware of how fast those things get filthy. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

But how much was the girlfriend pillow?

Especially with your backlog of anime Christmas gifts to watch! 😈

Thank god I'm too poor to drop a bunch of money on anime. Rightstuf usually has some fun deals, I'll probably end up picking up a free shipping worth of goodies before it's over. @Top Gun get in here and confess your addiction to Black Friday cartoon sales.

Hero- Oh god there's an even bigger fanboy than Deku. This is how I'd prefer my house to look. I like that All Might stops to pose before saving the drowning child. DANG THIS STINGS. Did they just become best friends? Thanks for finally letting her out of the fetish wall. STAMP STAMP STAMP STAMP STAMP. Don't worry I have wronger feelings about that high school boy. Aim for the dick! You can do it kiddo I believe in you. Oh shit that's a cool quirk. OH SHIT. To be fair, Mirio is built like a brick wall and probably wouldn't break all his limbs throwing a punch. It's gonna suck later when you have to clean all those footprints off the ceiling. Nighteye you underestimate how bad of a teacher All Might actually is. WALL. Well the important thing is you tried. Awww he didn't wanna ruin the limited edition merch. Fanboys unite! He did it! Oh, that's just rude. Meanwhile, Bakugo is angry. Oh dang bird boy scored a good one. Yaaay Kirishima and the girls get to play too. Mineta is the worst. What is the point of Mirio even having a costume. Surely this will end well. I AM VERY CONCERNED FOR THIS ADORABLE CHILD. OPM- I got a bad feel about this. Nothing suspicious at all, move along. No, not dog guy! DOG GUY NO. I love this RoboDog. Hellooo Medusa. Always choose the quick and easy death. Oh no don't kill the kid. PIG GOD, GO. That sure was a thing that happened. Don't you look down on One Hit Dude. Armstrong did it better. Who the hell are you people? Oh hey, it's Bitchnado again. This is not exactly going well is it. You're a douche, random sword guy. I REALLY DON'T THINK Y'ALL SHOULD DO THAT. Aw shit too late. Meanwhile, good ol' kickfight. Don't be rude that's just how he looks. Saitama why didn't you tape that wig down from the start? He's just here for the cash. Try not to kill him too hard. Ouuuch. Just punch him already. Careful there Stain. Ohhh that serious face doesn't bode well for you. RIP wig. Oh shit he's buff. Boooooooooooo. Yes rip your clothes off more. Thank god his face can take some real punishment. Well he's not wrong. Ass too strong. Poor Saitama. Oh right, Genos is there. Dr Stone- Glasses really are great aren't they. Aw fuck glasses are against the rules. Suika honey you can't see for shit. YOU SON OF A BITCH. Oh hey, new OP is good. Now we gotta make her new glasses on top of all this. FISTICUFFS, GO. Hey there Kohaku. Aw shit science twink can't fight. AWWWWWW. Eat shit, Magma. Whelp, you're screwed. Kid's hopped up on meth, we're good to go. I love this idiot. Oh my god my sides. Oh hey, he won. And then he shit himself to death. Jesus christ. Sorry Senku you're going to die. Whelp, y'all better say goodbye to Ruri now. Remember, aim for his dick! Maybe you guys should just slip her the medicine while everyone's distracted. Oh shit it's that guy. POCKET SAND! Stab him in the dick with broken glass! Oh fuck he's stupid. Oh shit, he's not stupid! You still owe him a coke. These sure are numbers. You're not allowed to interfere, you'll get him disqualified! Ahahahaha fuck you Magma. Senku's faces are so much fun. Oh yeah you sure got us backed into a corner here. He's right, I'm lazy as fuck. YOU'RE DOING IT I'M SO PROUD. Stop drop and roll, bitch. RIGHT IN THE DICK. They did it they're gonna save her! Awww the ED is tiny Senku. Fire Force- CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG. Aw fuck it's that lady. Someone get Arthur a new donkey dick. Save the angry buff dude. I hate this woman so much. Fucking magnets, how do they work. Oh, that's creepy. Not really a fan of the psychotic humping deer animatronic. Thanks for knocking her out. Take this as a reminder to never trust a Chuck E Cheese. Goddammit evil Deku. Oh, this actually kind of hurts. Dio wants his power back. Whelp, there goes Arthur. Get that flash drive out of your mouth. HONK HONK MOTHERFUCKER. The hell did you come from? Don't bring her she got your urchin killed. Run him over. Not this fucker again. Oh, urchin's still alive. Wouldn't it be fucked up if this was all fake and just a convoluted plan to get him to join the group? I hate her but she's got a point on not truting truck guy. Maki is my girlfriend. He did hurl a buch of cans at them. It's amazing how much better the show was without Tamaki. He's clearly the best waifu here. "It's a little bit better than usual" is a good description, actually. One last beer for the road. Take that sweetass giant skull with you. OH FUCK YEAH THEY BROUGHT THE SKULL. Captain has turned into the cool dad and I approve. Food Wars- Fuck off, Megumi. Just spike it with meth and call it a day. Meanwhile, that one weirdo is giving himself skin cancer in his taint. Seriously just let her fail. I hate everyone. Wow that kid got fat. I don't care about this girl, show. Is anybody really looking down on her because of her gender though? Is it too much to hope that Megumi's bus goes off a cliff? Oh what in the fuck. Holy shit, Erina actually showing a shred of human decency to another person? Goddammit she survives. HOWDY Y'ALL. Does he sleep with a giant sriracha pillow? Curry guy is less terrible than the others, so therefore he won't win. I hate all of you. What the hell diet are you on? Fail them all, grandpa. HE WAS NUMBER ONE, MR KRABS. Gee I wonder if Soma's gonna end up in the top spot. Hey there hot lady. I hate everything. I continue to not hate the bros. Nothing says feminism like gratuitous jiggling. I agree with the sexual predator lady, Megumi is terrible. Oh, he actually has a personality? The fuck is that shit, black tar heroin? I truly forget that one kid exists when he's not directly in front of me. Of course it's time to stop and suck Soma's dick. I'm not lucky enough to see him fail. Demon Slayer- I love my angry muzzle daughter. She's still adorable though! No don't go in there it'll kill you. Maybe you should have taken the giant box off your torso first. KICK HIS ASS. Did your win or is this like a hydra thing where all the heads just spawn more heads? And then he drowned. Nezuko is just the best. MY BABY. Okay "hands off" was a great pun right there. Fuck you, demon. Fuck you, other demon. Awww she needs a nap. That guy's having a real rough day. Tanjiro is such a good kid. Give that guy a hug. CAW. Looks like Tokoyami's internship is going well. You okay there, googly-eyed Tanjiro? Awww sleepy Nezuko. NO THE UDON. Oh no don't leave her alone there. OH SHIT IT'S HIM. Why does he look like a bad Michael Jackson cosplayer? OH FUCK. THE PLOT, IT TWISTS. Oh you son of a bitch. Black Clover- Show you promised me Yami fighting now give me Yami fighting. At least if the nun dies, she doesn't have to deal with Asta anymore. At least if the little girl dies she doesn't have to deal with her creepy fuck brother anymore. Please kill the sister fucker. No really what the hell is this. Yami, continuing to give zero fucks. Start killing things for my amusement. sexy. God I'm into this. Is everyone in this fucking town a dead elf? Please scream at me, Yami. You can let some of these rich schmucks die. All problems in this show should be solved by just letting Yami slice things up. Oh great, the insufferable lesbian is here. You can go ahead and kill her if you want. Wow what a shock, you're terrible at this. YEET. I'm kinda into this. This show's so bad I have no fear of my curse killing him. Jojo- Yeah, stand users are known for dressing like ordinary citizens. Look at these mafia men, dressing like normal people. These dudes fat-shaming Polpo's corpse is unreasonably funny to me. I don't know how much money that is in American. That boy's suit looks like moldy swiss cheese and it makes me physically angry. What's wrong with cake? You'll get that math next time, kiddo. This pissy goth guy doesn't care about cursing himself. Oh my god. Stop fighting, mom's home. Hey goth what the fuck. The neighborhood grannies love Bruno. GIORNO NO. You're all grounded. Ohhhh that's nasty. Jellyfish. Correction, everyone loves Bruno. Don't do drugs, kids. Oh sweet, we get a yacht. Pick #4. Idiot boy has the right idea. Turn that shit down, kiddo. Mista no. "Son of a shitter" this dub is a gift. I'm just gonna assume that's a ton of money. They're all happy for their boss, that's sweet. No not my idiot son I just got that one! Aaaand there goes Mista. At least I don't have to see that goddamn cheese suit now. I like that this series of words actually makes perfect sense. They're in some kinda weird pocket dimension aren't they. Oooh what does Piss Goth do? I like that Abbacchio immediately hates Giorno for no discernible reason. Whelp that's it, show's over. God this music is a fucking banger. Lupin- Lupin's having a bad day. "Oh right, we're criminals too." And then Jigen was a furry. Somebody should give Goemon a good punch. Hiiiii Fujiko. I'd like to volunteer to guard Fuji. Kill your dad, Ami. Oh shit I forgot he pretended to be her dad. You piece of shit. You might wanna put a medic in that container with him. This is what, like the fourth traumatic gut injury he's had so far this season? Jigen have you considered just shaving. Oh hey, Albert! Poor Zeni and the cops. On the bright side you guys can be friends in about 40 years when he gets out. There's definitely going to be an ambush here. Hi Jigen! Let him finish his cigarette you jerks. WHAT A SURPRISE, IT WAS A TRAP. Use more gun. Goddamn he's cool. Maybe it is time to retire, but go save Fujiko first. Lupin your abdomen is carved open like a roast, can you just be chill for once. You guys might wanna get out of there before Pops kicks that door open. Oh hey, sword. Awwww Zeni threw the sword. God I'm gay for Fuji. AHAHAHAHA, EAT SHIT. That is actually a brilliant move, I was expecting them to just blow the place up. Sometimes you just gotta hide in a sewer and leak info on war crimes. Rebecca!

Honestly this is just what it looks like in my head 90% of the time.

I don't know who programmed that Hot Pockets commercial to play something like fifty times tonight, but I want them to know I hate them. Hero- I love Granpa. Fuck you and your creepy plague mask, buddy. I could watch United States of Smash for hours. I feel like this isn't gonna end well. Magne's pretty cool. Whelp, bye Magne. Bye Compress' arm. Bye Overhaul's redshirt. Meanwhile, Aizawa. Bakugo being angry. Emo Might. I'VE TO-GATA GO SEE! I love this wholesome motherfucker. God I wish that were me. Oh my god just call your ex. Awwwww my son. He's dumb as fuck but he's got a personality like a golden retriever. To be fair, it would be irresponsible to give me Vault Boy with All Might's powers and expect me to survive. Mineta continues to be the worst. Well it's good that he has a sense of humor. Helloooo underboob. That is definitely a sex thing. OH MY GOD. OPM- KICK HIS ASS. Or his face, that works too. Oh right there's monsters popping up everywhere. Genos is a good friend. I still love how that guy is just Dave. Genos doesn't fuck around. FACE. Dude he's metal you probably should leave his face alone. Aw shit that's a lot of down hereos. BUG MAN. Good job Sour Face. Try not to kill him too hard. Saitama please date me. Mr. Saynothin. Goddammit Deku. Just let the rich people die. He's a cockroach how fast can he actually move? GO GO GADGET GLUEGUN. Lt Dan you don't got no legs. Kinda rooting for the dominatrix here. Whelp, so much for Blizzard. False alarm, we're good. Sister team up, go! ...Or not I guess. I forgot how much of a bitch Tornado was. I don't like your odds here snake man. He's cute but I don't trust him at all. Mumen Rider is the best. Fancy Cat Monster! Aw shit. GENOS NO. Dr Stone- Dog! You've only got about 20 steps left in this 400 step process. He was doing that Salt Bae meme there. It's a bong! These sure are a bunch of words I don't understand. You gotta piss in a bottle. Calm down she's not an enemy on Jojo. Time for booze! Quick, get that boy some glassses. Those are some unreasonably lax rules. Senku no! I love these boys so much. Tonight's theme is apparently snaaaaakes. He finally gets to come in the village. Wait what. Stop hacking up a lung and tell me what's going on! Yes, shout about how you're going to murder her as soon as you marry her. GRAB HIS DICK AND TWIST IT! No such thing as a fair fight with science. AW FUCK. New plan, drugs! This fucking idiot. I love my melon child. Quick somebody kill that spy. You son of a bitch. GODDAMMIT. You should have tracked down Taiju and had him fight. Your eyes stiil shitty? Senku what the hell. MY BABY. Oh my god I love her. Give him your melon! Heeeeeee. THE EYES OF SCIENCE. This is goddamn incredible. Fire Force- Aww he brought them beer. YEET. Like dicks, dicks should ideally never break. I don't need a diatribute about his life's phiilosophy, just keep hurling beer cans at the main cast. Time for a good ol' murder-suicide plot. That's a lot of Klansmen out there. Was...was he facing the wrong way this entire time. In case you needed more proof to never trust a man in a plague mask. RIDE THE LIGHTNING, BITCH. Arthur you fucking idiot. RIP piss squirrel. He's stupid enough that a cape will help him. Okay that donkey dick got me. It works because he's literally just that stupid. DOUBLE DONKEY DICK. RIP donkey dick. I'd like to thank whoever was responsible for that "You can bust my poor ass" line. Aw shit y'all built that thing? FUCK. You betrayed me, boobs. Meanwhile I genuinely forgot how Shinra got captured. I hope the sex was good at least. I lost track of this bridge metaphor a lont time ago. Whelp, kid's dead. Surely she's not about to betray you because she's secretly loved them the whole time and now you've hurt her family. Enough with the bridge thing! Beat him into a concussion, that'll help him remember. Food Wars- Erina is still the fucking worst. Oh fucking christ Megumi passed somehow. Everyone is goddamn terrible. Hi new girl I hate you already. I don't even know what this tournament is supposed to be for. Did the bros pass? No really, why is she such an unlikable bitch? I'm with these guys, Megumi is fucking awful. No, Soma did all of that for her. Yep, he does everything for her and she just follows along like a confused rabbit. And then there's a crazy lesbian stalker. Just sitting around in the midle of the night polishing your blade. Put pants on you gross fuck. I miss you, hot dad. Nothing says talent like using your daddy's influence to garner special favors. Oh jesus christ there's two of them together. Scratch that, I can get on board with this. I don't care about this flasback. Your dad was a creep back in the day. Can this guy just be the main character instead, he seems a lot more tolerable. It seems like cheating to have the curry teacher's assistant playing in a round that's curry. Kick his ass, curry boy. I enjoy seeing Soma in pain. Follow your nose! Demon Slayer- DESTROY. Heee Nezuko burrito. Oh it's like Inuyasha's robe. Sorry kid you're doomed. I love my kids. Sister box! Awww I love the sister box. This is so sweet. It's daytime, she's probably sleeping. This guy's looking rough. Aw crap it's a demon bride thing isn't it. Don't mind me, just a weird kid sniffing the ground like a bloodhound. Someone hug this boy. Find his sister please. Whelp this girl's about to get kidnapped. Ewww it's a blob monster. Ohhhh that's a lot of slime. SCENT ACQUIRED. Fuck you, ground! You saved her, I'm so proud! Aw crap it's one of them super demons. It speaks in the language of nails on a chalkboard. You should let Nezuko out and let her help you. Aw shit you're looking for the Ultra Demon. That's a stupid name and I hate him. KICK HIS ASS, KIDDO. I'm serious just let Nezuko out. Oh, fuck you. Oh no I hope her bow's not there. OH NO. FUCK YEAH NEZUKO. I love my sleepy little demon daughter. Oh, I'm gonna cry. Hey thanks for that. YOU'RE DOING AMAZING, SWEETIE. Black Clover- The OPs for this show are deceptively decent. I continue to not care about any of this backstory. I'm honestly not sure if that's supposed to be Mimosa in a previous life or if the character design is just lazy. You're book twins now. SQUIRREL. And then they fucked. Somebody give the sex talk to that kid. Yeah I'm sure this will end well. Any time I go to a wedding I'm just in it for the cake. And then the Fire Nation attacked. Run away squirrel, you're the only one worth saving! Whelp, sorry about your dead bride and kid. Oh what the fuck is this. What is this bullshit? This sure is a thing that's happening. And nothing of value was lost. Yuno's just an elf now I guess. Jojo- I'll admit this stand looks cool as fuck. Hey maybe you'll get some cool time resetting powers if he stabs you. MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA. Well, that didn't work. Aw shit it's got shadow powers. And a short attention span, apparently. Oh hey Koichi. KOICHI GET OUT OF THE SHADOW. It's funny that Giorno's half-vampire but this thing is the one that dies in the sun. Well Koichi is is gonna be kind of a long story you might wanna just have a seat. Y'all might wanna call Jotaro about this. In general, fuck you, Polpo. Ohhh crap he's going through the bird shadows. Reverb's gotten a much nicer attitude over the last couple years. Just get Josuke on the next plane out, he can fix it. Fuck this tree in particular I guess. Oh that was a good idea. Giorno's theme is a fucking banger. I kinda miss our old hand pervert friend. Alright fatass where'd you go. The sheer cost of feeding him must be enough to bankrupt most countries. I don't respect you. Well hey at least you get a cool button out of it. Uh whatcha up to there Giorno? Oh hey Jotaro how you doin'? Koichi's earned some fun. BANANA GUN. Welcome to Olive Garden. They're all teenagers. Lupin- Hey there Goemon. Please go rescue Fujiko. The mascot suits. Oh hey Goemon. Awww no fair she put on clothes. Oh that's terrible. Aw fuck is Ami gonna turn out to be his long lost kid? RABBLE RABBLE TECHNOLOGY IS EVIL. Ami is the real MVP of this season. I don't understand all this computer talk either. Princess Fujiko is objectively the best princess. Goemon is angry. Oh my god you innocent child of a samurai man. Fish is serious business. I mean, it's kind of a little funny. Nah dude, y'all are friends. This is a trap don't fall for his bait. Goemon no don't feed the troll. Shut up, sidekick guy. That giant bird cage is giving me Sword Art PTSD war flashbacks but damn it works for her. Just fuck already. Oh hey Goemon. NOW'S NOT THE TIME, FRIEND. Try not to kill the girls during your pissing contest. Jigen just shoot him. YOU SHUT UP. Sometimes you just like a good old round of Fight Club between friends. Aw crap. Man Lupin's really getting the shit killed out of here this season. I know I called it but OH SHIT. I've lost my goddamn mind from the never-ending onslaught of Hot Pockets and I will never know peace again.

I think we've finally run out of Hot Pockets. I kind of miss them now.

It's fucking bizarre that the only show not getting spammed with Hot Pockets commercials was Food Wars of all things.

TWIST. THAT. DICK.

THIRTY PERCENT MORE CHEESE

I am 10 billion percent on board with this plan.

I sure did.

Cool, I get to call it an early night, gorge myself on a concerning amount of pie and pass out with Slutty Boyfriend Pillow by midnight. 👍👍

Important question, are the dildos also used?

Hero- FUCK YEAH WE'RE BACK. This OP makes me very concerned for this adorable child. HI YOUNG MIGHT. I don't entirely trust this guy. Hi Slutty Vault Boy! Aw shit is this recap I can't jack off to this. I stand corrected, Aizawa's looking pretty good. I love my kids. Mineta continues to be the worst. Man I bet Douche Rogue from the other class is so goddamn angry about this. In case you forgot who everyone was, here's your chance. Oh shit he knows it's Deku. Hey it's All Might. Awww people still fanboy him. Alright he's an All Might fanboy, we can trust him. Oh shit, small world. Cameras everywhere. Good ol' printer nipples. Damn, he did some real work on this. Selfie! That's a shitty title but at least you tried. Aww, look at my kids. All Might eating a meat bun, top story. THIS ED MAKES ME VERY CONCERNED FOR THIS ADORABLE CHILD. OPM- Whelp, Metal Bat is dead. METAL KNIGHT. Oh my god I kinda love the wrestling rhino and this gay chicken thing. Oh hey, Metal Bat's not dead yet. He may be about to die. Goddamn he's cool. Ain't nobody got time for that. This could be going better. Oh no his sister. Please don't kill him in front of his family. That's surprisingly nice of him. That blob looks gross. No you leave her alone. I goddamn love this gay chicken. Slaughter denied. No, kill the rich people. Meanwhile, you're all screwed. I like this geisha lady. Win that money, Saitama. I like the guy who's just named Dave. Genos is the best fan. This champion guy seems nice. This is gonna be fun. Saitama you're so lucky that everyone here is stupid. Like a butcher butches, indeed. Grandpa's so cool. ORA ORA ORA ORA. Oh dang. Martial Gorilla. Wow, this is all going straight to hell. I want her and Midnight to be friends. Wait since when do pandas actually want to fuck? HELLOOOOO CATFIGHT. Meanwhile, everyone boos Kaminari. Alright Saitama try not to turn anyone into a bloodsplosion. Oh no, that's so depressing. Dr Stone- Science is indeed super weird. I love the spear boys. Ginro will now die for you. Your enemy is SCIENCE. I love this idiot child. Y'all should probably not touch that water. Oh my god you idiot you're going to die. TOKOYAMI NO. Jesus christ. Aaron Dismuke talks about alchemy, I smile and clap like a trained seal. Whelp, you're screwed. This entire series is like a bizarre sequence of side quests and I love it. Senku I don't think we have time for that much science. Awwww you're friends now. I hope Taiju and Yuzu just gave up on Karsland and are just banging out in the woods somewhere. Oh no this is depressing. Awwww Kohaku. And then he was violently murdered. He's sad about his spear. Chrome's about to have a panic attack. Senku, giving no shits. Grandpa knows what's up. OH NO. Oh thank god. That is one angry fairy. Remember your hamon training! I am absolutely no different from nature I am dumb as a fucking brick. YEET. I'm proud of my boys. Fire Force- Oh god what now. Goddammit evil albino Deku. Tonight's theme is SCIENCE. I liked the old OP better. Oh, you're creepy. "Should I know him" is a question I ask with every goddamn character. At least they know their Roman mythology. Oh no don't send the idiots. Okay I like him. Oh shit he's buff and hates them, I can get behind this. Kid what's with the bandage, did you also get a beer can to the skull? Gee I wonder why he hates them. Hellooo there Lisa. I enjoy him and his aim with beer. Go fuck yourself, plague mask man. We're not like other companies, we're a cool group. Was...was he molesting that pissing squirrel doll? DEE DEE NO GET OUT OF THE LABORATORY. Oh cool it's a hologram machine. I don't think you can bring dead species back to life like that. Bring your hot girlfriend when you inevitably join. Surely plague mask man's unknown appearance won't play into anything suspicious at all. Oh what the hell now. Food Wars- I hate you all. I could be playing that KFC dating sim right now if I wanted a combo of fanservice and chicken. Thick thighs save lives. I'll admit that "Meat Master" is a title I aspire to reach. It's just chicken you weirdos. That looks like a salad in an ice cream cone and that hurts me physically. How long is y'alls damn school break that you can spend weeks on this project? I continue to hate you all. Is somebody about to beat his ass? It turns out tonight's theme is actually alchemy. Demon Slayer- I'm so proud of my son. Oh this is depressing. Awwwww Tanjiro. Look at all those dead ghost kids. Oh right, there's still a bunch of demons all over the place. My poor baby just wants to help his sister. Kid's earned a break for awhile. Morning, creepy twins. Alright everybody lined up to get numbers carved into your hand. REVELRY IN THE DARK. That's definitely not a crow. That kid just wants his sword already. Oh this is probably a bad idea, kid. Break his arm, son. Smell out the best ore. Aww, crow gets a little scarf. Just let my boy take a nap. You're home. SHE'S AWAKE! AWWWWWWWWW. Group hug! Aaand I'm crying. That's good if she doesn't have to eat people. Hey, free sword! Neat. Aww look at burrito Nezuko. That mask is freaky. It's like a mood ring. Oh, that is mayben ot a good thing. Sorry, maybe you'll get a cool red sword next time. Hey Tokoyami. He talks! I got a bad feeling about this. Clover- Hey there Captain Sexy. Kick his ass, Yami. Of course Yami doesn't get to fight, because I'm not allowed to have nice things. Maybe he can be the next Wizard Hokage. I do like watching this woman hate things and hurt people. ORA ORA ORA ORA. At least if you die you don't have to be in Black Clover anymore. Oh right, Asta's still here. Yes please set him on fire. Shut the fuck up and let her kill him. Oh yeah let's all just hold hands and sing songs together, that'll work out just great. This is why you don't knock up humans. You suck, wizard king. Flashback to racism. I can also be persuaded to do things with free food. There he goes, the luckiest character in this entire cursed series. Somebody stab him in the dick while he's doing this weird glowing shit. This is a trick and you're about to be sacrificed to whatever wacky plan he's got going on. WOW WHAT A SHOCK. Oh what the fuck now. Jojo- Bruno's so cool. I'm loving the random Italian bits they're throwing into the dialogue. Sorry Giorno you gotta take off your fancy ladybug pins. Uh what. Holy FUCK he's fat. He's fifteen don't let him drink. I like that there's just a random teddy bear in his contraband hole with the guns and grenade. Uh hey buddy that's your fingers. Giorno no that's stealing. Gaaaah don't show me that ear thing again. That's a cool lighter, thanks. Quick, turn it into a firefly or something! Giorno honey burning the shit out of your hand is probably not the best plan. I'm surprised they let him kep that flower. You know who wasn't fat as hell and also had flames as part of his stand? Giorno what the hell with the bread holder. Oh hey Koichi. Gee maybe you shouldn't have stolen his stuff in the first place. Snake lamp. And then his passport was on fire. GODDAMMIT OLD MAN. Whelp that's it, show's over. Yeah sure this'll work out well for you. Uh hey there, creepy wandering stand. Oh that old man is fucked. OH SHIT IT'S THE ARROW. This ED is so out of place. Lupin- I don't watch TED talks but I'm assuming this is how they go with the awkward comedy. This is just googling him. HI FUJIKO. This is why I don't go on Facebook anymore. Aw shit that's just gonna make crime harder for them. Draaaaamaaaa. NOT AGAIN. Whelp, time to move to Amish country. Jigen's too old for this shit. This is gonna get annoying. Goddammit get out of our house. Oh hey, it's those guys. Just call Ami and have her hack it. Goemon x Training OTP. Oh hey Ami. Random Hitler. Awww, she's happy. Not even your old gay couple disguises are safe anymore! Oh, time for an angry mob I guess. Oh hey, that guy. I hope they bonded over both of them shooting Lupin in the gut. Meanwhile, Goemon in the woods. Aww, she's cute! This is a trap. Henchman, that's just rude. Hey there Zeni. FUJIKO NO. FUJITITS YES. Tits out is a great start to an escape plan, let's see where this goes.

Yes. Slutty Pillow Boyfriend and I are very comfortable here.