EmpressAngel

The real reason that Bakugo is so angry is because with his power, every time he jerks it he runs the risk of blowing his dick right off.

I'm just saying, he can call me and I'll show him how much of a banana I can fit in my mouth. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You can't just give me a character with the personality of a golden retriever and a body like a young All Might, have him fight naked, and then expect me not to thirst.

I really hope that class 1-B got the same exact lesson, because the idea of Douche Rogue boy using his quirk and then falling through the floor for five minutes while naked and screaming is REALLY funny to me.

There he is. The least terrifying Funko figure ever made.

[insert me yelling "PHASE THAT DICK OVER HERE, TIN TIN" here] Gen Lock- Calm down, Merida. I like the Russian bitch. Sorry science man you have to leave. I like her robo-kitten. The research is fighting. May we all go out in such a good way. Whelp, sounds like you better get that shit going now. MECHA. One day we will all be mecha. Get in the robot. I like that they're still friends. Oh shit she got a new boyfriend. Just relax as we fry your brain like a bad Sword Art prototype. Find out what manga she's got before you accept it. Please tell me she can link her cat with it. Thank you for not putting tits on the robots. BALL. MY TRUCK. To be fair, I'd act just as stupid if you put me in a robot. Well the important thing is you tried. Somebody's jealous and just trying to show off. Oh those planes look important. Well that's depressing. Dude the first thing that was gonna get used for was either weapons or porn. I enjoy this idiot girl. Haaa the AI sings now. Fire Force- I like the mascots. Helloooooo tits. I want her to be friends with Midnight. Oh that's just not right. Maki is my girlfriend. Save the dog at all costs. What. Hooray. Well that's shitty. That's some bullshit. Karma, bitch. That is probably not a good thing. GUN. Glasses Man is pissed. Punish me next. Hey that's only okay when Deku does it to All Might. He looks like a Nomu. YEET. He's right how dare you make things rough for dog mag. CALCIFER NO. Yeah this'll work out great for you. He was just that much of a dick. GUN. Okay but he's a total bastard so it doesn't count. Hey now, math is hard. RIP car. I can't stop staring at her boobs. Don't trust him, kill him now. Hey remember how they told you not to listen to anything he says? Goddamn I'm into this. This is just like 20 different fetishes for you, isn't it Poke? So they're all just terrible people. Hey Cap'n Sexy. Don't trust her. Wow, go fuck yourself. I'm gonna fight him myself. Oh god he is so doomed. Lupin- RIP wall. Y'all are on surprisingly good terms considering you were trying to kill eacho ther like two days ago. AXE. Oh hey guys. Goemon's ability to Donkey Kong around moving vehicles is an underrated skil. Hey I think she likes you. He's got a point there, may as well take the easy way. Get it, Goemon. You shot me, motherfucker. When in doubt, hurl a grenade. IT'S HIGH NOON. Not today, bitch! Oh god her eyes. Uh, I think you got her. Meanwhile, NUNCHUCKS. I see your nunchucks and I raise you GUNCHUCKS. Lucky for you we found the Hall of Medievan Torture Devices. Nobody expects the Iron Maiden. Albert's not doing too well on his end. Oh yeah I'm sure he's dead. Convenient chair, right at the perfect falling spot. CATCH THESE HANDS, MOTHERFUCKER. Surprise, Albert's not dead. Jesus what is WITH this episode and eye trauma? And then he blew up. Maybe go to a hospital now. Is he about to drop dead? GOTCHA. I miss Fujiko. Food Wars- I hate you, pudding tits. Yoko wants her top back, you six piece Chicken McNothing. Sleep is for the weak. I could just be watching Iron Chef right now. Yep, all these characters are terrible. Why the hell WOULDN'T we hate him. I hate you all. ALLEZ CUISINE. Is...is she gonna fuck that beef. That outfit also seems distractingly impractical for the kitchen. Saitama would be proud. "She knows exactly what the meat needs." At least the script writers had a great time here. NO ORGASMS IN THE KITCHEN, YOU DISGUSTING WEIRDOS. Eat her meat flower. Now I want steak. Tne rice says you're a bitch. I don't care about the traumatic backstories, show. I hope the sanitation crew at this school gets paid obscenely well. "Don of Bowl Club" isn't the absolute least impressive title I've ever heard but it's pretty low on the list. This is exhausting. Clover- Son of a fuck we're back to our regularly-scheduled bullshit. Be as risky as you want, if you die you don't have to be in Black Clover anymore. He's in full Angry Bakugo mode now. Someone just kill this guy already. We're halfway through the episode and exactly one thing has happened. Nyoom. Please tell me both of them are disqualified and I don't have to watch them anymore. Kill him, Hisoka. Yeah nearly murdering your brother during a tantrum puts a damper on people's respect for you. Dimestore Hisoka is shooting up the "not a terrible character" list. To be fair, I wouldn't trust Asta with a boiled egg. Is your plan to just shock the shit out of this kid? I genuinely hope this plan works out just so we can move this shit along. Zeus says no. I have literally no memory of this other team existing. Noelle continues to be goddamn terrible. Send mushroom guy out. Tinkerbell is also goddamn terrible. Oh thank god it's almost over. Hero- Goddammit Mineta. Why is he naked. You okay there, Sasuke? Aww he's shy. Okay he's kind of adorable I'm sorry I called him Sasuke. I kinda love her already. SOMEONE CONTROL THIS GREMLIN. I like Vault Boy he seems nice. FIGHT ME. Oh yeah, totes real. Mina is suffering. HE REALLY FIGHTS NAKED I LOVE HIM. He is buff as SHIT, sorry Aizawa you're getting demoted. NAKED MAN FISTS 18 FRESHMEN. He can punch out a rock hard Kirishima, be very afraid. Don't apologize, show me your dick. That's called physics! Oooh that's a cool power. Oh, that's horrifying. I'd like to announce Naked Tin Tin as All Might's true successor as my boyfriend. I love my kids. I love how Aizawa let this entire fight happen knowing full well all his students were gonna get their ass kicked by a dude with his wang out. God I want to watch Bakugo get his shit kicked by a naked guy. Hi Granpa! Wait what, sidekick? Titties. I don't even know this guy but he can fuck right the hell off. Never trust a guy wearing a plague mask for no reason. I really hope the other class got the same lesson, because the idea of Douche Rogue using that quirk and then falling through the floor while naked and screaming is really friggin funny.

They put him on a cake, which is just saving time by combining two things I want in my mouth.

Todoroki's not playing.

SURPRISE HE'S BUFF AS SHIT.

This is also a property that spent millions of dollars on this. I think they're gonna be fine.

I laughed really hard.

Gen Lock- Not the time for jokes now, buddy. I like this wacky scientist guy. Oh is he s a cyborg now? Oh, cool. I know I've seen this kind of mecha-mind thing somewhere else but I don't remember where. I wonder how long he spent making this fancy PowerPoint. Go talk to your girlfriend, dude. Yikes there's only half of him in there. He's stuck in the fish bowl forever I guess. I'd be way too dumb to take care of any of this so good luck, mustache dude. Hi new people. That girl has some kind of tiny robot kitten sidekick and I love it. I guess that guy knows English but can't speak it. So can she fuck the hologram or what. Oh, I guess not. Surely this will end well. No wonder he's the spy he's the blandest man I've ever seen. Whelp, y'all fucked that up. KNIFE. Can't shoot a hologram, fucker! Goddammit science man. Dr Science is my favorite character so far. Heee he's the robot now. No don't break his tank. In no way will this come back to bite that guy right in the ass. Oh look, you're dead now. Fire Force- I don't think I like this universe's Dandy. You leave buff captain alone you bastard. Titties. I like the mascots. Eyepatch grandpa has arrived. Dude he's not gonna remember one fire when it happens every damn week. Oh my god just close your shirt you dumbass. I kinda hate this girl already. Try not to kill that guy. Aw crap. Yeah sure go ahead and trust what this guy says. Oh what the hell. Whelp, you're screwed. Wow what a shock I never expected his brother's alive. HERO DEVIL. I like it when heroes just tell the villain to fuck off and ignore everything they say. Fanservice girl's single trait of being fansevice is getting real old already. Whelp, they're gonna die. Just let her fall, eyepatch grandpa. Hiii captain. So uh did they win? Oh yeah they're definitely hiding shit. Can I also volunteer for midnight guard duty with the captain? It seems real counterproductive to not share information among each other. Our motive is just to be hot and buff. God this man is doomed. Lupin- Last time, Lupin died. Speedboat Jigen, go! Yeah shoot at Goemon that'll work. YEET. Y'all might wanna get Lupin to a hospital now. The hell? I have no idea what just happened. Flashback, go! I don't know how young Lupin's supposed to be when he looks exactly the same. Oh that's good, he's recovering in a filthy sewer. SNAKE. Those are some fangs on that lady. No seriously, who the hell are these people. Automail. Mmm delicious snake meat. So what are they brothers? You can't just steal France! And then shit blew up. I feel like it was probably a bad idea to write down an extensive list of all the shady shit you've done for decades. Window, go! And then Lupin killed a bunch of dudes. There's something really funny about Goemon putting on a helmet after all this. Oh he's gonna be bleeding out. Don't let her near your dick. Is it time to fake your death again? Oh you dick. Is it Fujiko, is Flashback Fuji after the same diamond. GUN. I'm sure this plan will go off without a hitch. Lupin you're awfully confident dealing with a dude who just shot you multiple times and left you for dead. Food Wars- I'm too old for this shit. CHAINSAW. I do like chickens. Why are you naked. I miss his hot dad. I'm hungry. Dimestore Josuke is depressed. MANLY. Hold up, is this a character who's not fucking intolerable? WHY DO HER TITS MAKE AUDIABLE PUDDING NOISES. There are so many jokes I could make about her status as Meat Master but this show isn't worth it. Meat and rice, that's not a vague enough description to go off of. This jiggling is just painfully excessive and unfunny, and I say that as someone who literally gets distracted by my own tits. How the fuck are you gonna help, you're the worst student in the school. Ha, his hair is bandaged. I could go for some meat right now. "Can you really beat such incredible meat?" I have nothing to complain about, that line was gold. Dad wants you to starve and I don't blame him. If you bring out that squid thing again I'm going to kill you. Alright that actually does sound pretty good. I kinda hate that I genuinely laughed at "CAN WE BEAT HER MEAT?" Clover- Okay, a filler episode where Charmy is tripping balls sounds a lot better than the actual show. This is infinitely better than canon. God help me, I actually laughed at this. It turns out that the key to making Black Clover a decent show is just to turn it into Pop Team Epic. No fuck you don't go back to the real plot. Hero- Hello there, new guy? Oh shit is that Twice? I love that everyone hates garbage dilf. It kinda worries me that people are searching up Endeavor's kids. Meanwhile, shit going down. Is that a sea captain hero? Whelp, that guy's dead. Haaa, Reservoir Dogs. Aw shit he's going crazy. Dabi's probably off setting people on fire. And then Dabi set a bunch of people on fire. Oh, that's a horrifying backstory. Twice needs a hug. Who's this edgelord plague mask douche? I got a bad feeling about this guy. And now we switch to my wholesome children. Shut up douche Rogue. Awww she's adorable. Oh hey tired boy. I goddamn love Principal Mouse. I'm sure these new kids won't be important. Hound Dog is best teacher. Nah I don't think these work studies will be important. Calm down sweetie. Present Mic appearing from behind the door is unreasonably funny to me. IIda doing the Deku voice. What. And then Vault Boy was here. Calm down, kiddo. Damn, Tin Tin's got some meat on those arms. S-Sasuke?

Commence the memes.

I guess over a billion dollars of profit counts as broke now.

I think it's willfully ignorant to blame it entirely on the movie when Disney has a decades-long track record of shooting themselves in the foot with their theme park launches.

Okay but the theme park area is barely related to the new trilogy aside from having a few Meet & Greets with the characters. They made the stupid decision to set it in a brand new planet that has no basis in canon instead of any of the places that fans are already familiar with. The headline attraction is a Millennium Falcon ride that's more tied to the original trilogy than the sequels from what I've heard. Also, this shit happens with Disney parks damn near every time they open something big. They overhype it as a huge event that's guaranteed to draw hundreds of thousands of people for the grand opening, and that scares off a lot customers. It happened with Disneyland Paris, Hong Kong Disneyland, California Adventure, and now Galaxy's Edge. Their mistake was assuming that people love Star Wars enough to put up with what they assumed would be even worse than normal Disney crowds, and clearly those people took one look at that idea and said "Nah, I'll wait."

Punish me next, you exhausted motherfucker. I mean, what.

GenLock- I agree, cookies make everything better. I like his sister. I got a real bad feeling that one of them is going to die. I like these idiots already and that never bodes well for anyone. Oh no. Please don't shoot the innocent bystanders. If Independence Day taught us anything, it's that you can solve any airfight by sacrificing a single drunk redneck who needs to redeem himself in the eyes of his estranged children. Oh I don't like where this is going. Whelp. NO YOU IDIOT DON'T DO IT. Okay when I said one of them was gonna die I didnt' think it would be this early. This is not my fault. Timeskip ahoy. I kinda love this giant dork. Scotland intensifies. I like his robot friend. This rescue mission is obviously going to go wrong. Oh look, the rescue mission is going wrong. YOLO, MOTHERFUCKER. Oh shit, he ain't dead? Never trust a mecha spider. And now he's Cyborg. So what kinda dick does he got now. Okay I'm digging this. Fire Force- And now another dude I'm definitely gonna get killed. Welcome to Soul Eater. Sports festival arc, go! I find it hilarious that he has to wear capri pants at all times to avoid setting himself on fire. Calcifer! Oh that thing is adorable. Sputter? I dislike this guy already. Bitches be crazy, Shinra. CALCIFER NO. Kick his ass, glasses guy. Kick his ass, Maki! Maki is my girlfriend. EXCALIBUUUUUR, EXCALIBUUUUR. She's my wife and I'm going to kill you. Sputter? Helloooo witch Maki. Bobobobobobobo? Noooo stop killing the adorable fire babies. I also like things extra firm, Captain. GUNAXE. That's a light saber. Someone hug that girl. Yes murder the shit out of that fire ghost as gently as you can. Fuck you kids, do what your hot boss says. Ohhh I am gonna get this guy killed by the end of the season. Aw shit who the hell is this. I got a real bad feeling about this. Well at least he seems friendly? Well this is depressing. Aw fuck what now. Please don't kill him I love him. Wow, this guy has the most punchable face I've seen in a long time. Please date me. Shut up and go back to the captain. I'm liking this show more than I expected. Lupin- Sorry I almost shot you, old dude. Noooo one lies like Gaston, swindles guys like Gaston, no one sets up mysteries and dies like Gaston. Grandpa here is high as fuck. False alarm, he's just got super eyes. Is that you, Da Vinci? I don't know where this whole thing is going but this ride sure is fun. MY BAR. Why is Goemon having a phone so funny to me. IT'S HIGH NOON. Sorry grandpa you're on your own here. What just happened why did I just see a man get shot by a gay rodeo clown? How is he alive and also so chill right now. Ohhh, now this is starting to make sense. And then he died. Those are some great disguises. Lupin has run clean out of fucks to give. Howdy, hoes. I am so confused by Lupin in hot lady disguises. Oh hey Goemon. Awww the kids like him. He is worse at phones than my parents. This ain't gonna end well. WHAT. Hey Jigen this would be a good time to show up and help. Wow he fucked up real hard on this one didn't he. Whelp, show's over. Food Wars- Yes you dumbass he literally just said he was on the council. I miss his hot dad. I don't even remember this other boy being there. Still insisting that was juice, huh. No, tell this disgusting fuck to cover his balls in the kitchen. Sanji intensifies. Can we visit his hot dad again? It's just fish and rice it's not worth an orgasm. Bros continue to be the least terrible. I'm still concerned about you waving your dick around all the food, you lunatic. I feel old. I hate her. BUNNY. I do like Granny. Welcome to Iron Chef. This show still does not know how jackets fit on boobs and it's not sexy. She really is the fucking worst. I don't care, show. Hippos are adorable. No seriously, are we supposed to not wish she'd get hit by a bus? AMERI-TITS. Meat master, really. Clover- To be fair I don't think your brother's gonna be holding much from now on. I'll admit, that sheep magic is adorable. Yeah maybe somebody should step in on the guy literally about to murder his brother. Uh king dude you're really just gonna let this go down? I hate you all. Hey there Cap'n Sexy. So you're not gonna tell them that this little fucker tried to legit murder someone? Kill them all, Hisoka. Oh yeah this was a great plan. Lookin' kinda batshit crazy there, dude. Joke's on you, Wizard King has no plan and just wants to see some carnage. Kill him, Hisoka. I literally do not give half a shit about any backstory in this show. One day I'm going to die and I'll have to justify all the time I've wasted watching this show. Hero- Time for some Rowdy Boys. Aizawa is going to murder you both. THE TINY BOYS ARE SO CUTE. Kick his ass, Deku! Aizawa is pissed. Look at my tiny boys. Bakugo doesn't wear socks and that's gross considering how much he must sweat. Cry harder, bitch boy. Kick him right in the dick. This boy is so fucking angry. FUCK YEAH, EIGHT PERCENT. I love my kids. See, this is a rival fight I can actually enjoy. EAT FIST, MOTHERFUCKER. Okay Aizawa you might wanna step in before they kill each other. Hey All Might nice of you to join us. All Might is best dad. HUGGING. Well the important thing is that nobody died. You keep your goddamn mouth shut, Sparky. I love these kids. Aizawa's still mad. Ohhh, I'm into this. Punish me next, Aizawa. For the love of god somebody get Bakugo on some meds. Aww, he's not such a complete bastard after all.

None of you should be allowed within 50 feet of a kitchen.