EmpressAngel

You could motorboat those cans.

No.

I'm just here for Slutty Tin Tin

Okay so that makes sense, but I'm still coming up empty on how the term appears to have been co-opted exclusively by oblivious dudebros whining about basically any decision they don't love that a creator or company makes about content.

We have a winner here. Everyone else go home.

What the fuck is "bending the knee" and why do all these crybaby anti-SJW dipshits keep screaming it?

In my defense, this slutty pillow is 100% the comfiest thing I've ever laid on.

I give FUNi my money every month and would prefer them to not spend it on barely-legal softcore lolicon hentai. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Thank you for your service.

Show: Fugo had to fight off a child molester at the age of 12 Also show, 10 minutes later: I WAKE UP FEELING SO HORNY

That was not my fault. Hero- Get your hands off my daughter. I kinda love these League idiots. Aw crap he has truth powers. Oh good, wall douche is finally done. BOYFRIEND, SAVE MY BABY. Joke's on you show, he's immune to my curse. Drink. Leave him alone you jackass. Yes they did pull a Jojo on his move, yes it is supposed to be Phantom Menace, and yes I have to live with my boyfriend liking the prequels. I love you, Slutty Vault Boy. Oh shit he kicked right through her. Awwwwwww. You shut up and leave her alone. Aw shit, Endeavor's back in the running for worst dad. Oh you son of a bitch. Thank god for capes. I could watch him beat the shit out of this guy all day. AWWWWWWWWW. And now, a flashback to a very very bad idea. Oh my god why are you still conscious. NO. Oh god no don't shoot my daughter. OH THIS HURTS. Oh my god, Tiny Mirio. Those Tin Tin genes are just too strong. GET OUT OF THERE VAULT BOY YOU'RE NOT IMMUNE TO MY CURSE ANYMORE. He just threw a motherfucker at him. Oh christ my curse is in full effect now. Apparently my fetish in this series is just buff as shit blond dudes who lose their powers on rescue missions saving children. Oh, he gets his own mini All Might scar now. I will not have my boyfriend defeated by this plague rat twink who looks like he steals his clothes out of a Party City dumpster. Dr Stone- Senku is having a great day. Oh shit are we making batteries now? FUCK YEAH, BATTERIES. I love these idiots. You're about to kill grandpa. Oh thank god you've upgraded your blowing. Oh fuck yeah, storage. Things are going suspiciously well here. Oh sweet, y'all finally got a light bulb. I'm just gonna assume all of this is scientifically sound. FUCK YEAH, CHRISTMAS TREE. This is heartwarming. I am also choosing to believe Santa here is scientifically accurate. Yeah this sounds like a safe idea. Let's go, Science Spelunkers. And he was never seen again. If I've learned anything from this show it's that I don't know shit about science. RIP light bulb. Oh hey, he made it back. RIP lightbulb, again. Oh no don't give up. Senku is suffering. I love my melon child so much. Awww, Suika gets to see the New Year sunrise for the first time now. OOOOOH IT'S PRETTY. Suika saves the day! And then Godzilla. Yeah sure take the guy who tried to kill you, this'll end well. Sword Art- I don't care, show. Oh no they're after the fluctlights. I have retained about three words of this plot so far. FLUCTLIGHTS. "Ugh, balls" is a pretty accurate summary of how I feel about this show every week. So basically we spent half the episode getting to the point that the super badass military dudes are gonna play a video game to steal the fluctlight, is that what's going on here? Meanwhile, other bullshit I don't care about! Please stop saying fluctlight. So you're gonna go in the game and bring him out of the super coma back into his regular coma? I hate every minute of this. Oh hell it's the rest of the harem. I thought we were supposed to have less rape this time! GODDAMMIT IT'S THE NEOPET DAUGHTER. Oh hey Klein, nice of you to join us. I don't know what's going on in this show and at this point I don't give enough of a shit to ask. And this stupid woman is gonna go along with everything just to get some dick. Fire Force- Kick him out of the car, Vulcan. I do like the giant skull, it's a nice touch. Maki is my girlfriend. I'm glad to see the Donkey Dick is still mounted proudly on the wall. Tamaki continues to be the fucking worst. Oh right, these two were fighting. Not gonna lie, I just want to watch grandpa kick his ass. I mean, Captain Grandpa is definitely getting more attractive as he gets more on fire. Whelp, this is depressing. Somebody needs a hug. This bitch is obnoxious and I hate her. Great job Grandpa, you sure screwed that up. Gee Shinra that sure is a great plan that won't destroy you physically or mentally. I am genuinely surprised that I haven't gotten Captain Sexy killed yet. Oh hey, it's those two. I hate this woman. Yes god please take Tamaki back and away from the main cast. Get it, Maki. Food Wars- I actually started doing a write-up for this but once the goddamn turtle burger showed up I point blank refused to dignify this with attention. Demon Slayer- We gotta kill the pig boy. SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR RIBS, FUCKER. Oh, he's their Bakugo. Aww. look at the siblings in the background. I expected him to be uglier. "Sorry, you're too pretty to fight." And then he died. SCREAMING. Tanjiro is brutal. Pig boy is goddamn insane and I kinda love him. CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKER. He just keeps headbutting everything. Calm down, she's a nice lady. Tanjiro being so nice is just destroying this boy's brain. NEZUKO TIME. Oh my god she's so adorable. Get away from my daughter. I want Pig Boy and Bakugo to meet and then kill each other. Clover- At least if you die in Black Clover, you don't have to be in Black Clover anymore. No don't heal him, he finally got the chance to escape! I genuinely have no idea who this guy they're fighting is, even though it's only been like two weeks. Humans do suck; I'll drink to that, bro. Yes, heal him by stabbing him in the chest. I hate Tink so goddamn much. You need to stay at least 20 feet away from that nun at all times. LEAVE THAT NUN ALONE YOU JACKASS. Evening, whores. Can we at least watch the douche king die painfully? Oh yeah now's a great time to shovel potatoes into your mouth like a goddamn animal. Oh, that guy's still alive. Everybody's probably dead by now while you were having a nice family diinner. Meanwhile, these other goddamn idiots have noticed nothing at all. Jojo- That dog mosiac isn't gonna survive this episode. Shut up, cheese suit. Abbacchio's irrational hatred continues to crack me up. Aw shit it's a mirror stand. And then they died. You gotta work a lot harder to make me care about someone wearing that outfit. Aw shit he's in the mirror. Yeah get your face right up close to the cursed mirror. Whelp, you're screwed. Oh that doesn't look right. Cry harder, rich boy. OHHH, THAT'S FUCKED UP. Okay yeah, he had every right to beat the shit out of him. And his suit got progressively worse. Meanwhile in the local Olive Garden, Bruno fills out adoption papers. Aww, Abbacchio does care. This could be going better. TOKOYAMI NO. Well that is some fucked up shit. Oh my god it's dumb as shit. I mean, you guys are mobsters in the mafia who are supposed to prioritize your job over each other. Oh yeah split up, that'll go well for you. This ED continues to be ridiculously out of place and I love it.

Apparently my fetish is just buff as shit blond dudes who lose their powers saving children on rescue missions. I am a terrible person. 👀

I guarantee you I'm jinxing Slutty Vault Boy harder as we speak.

Tiny Angel knew exactly what was up.

The Utena movie.

"Oh, Kirito had to fight off some rapists again? Must have been a Tuesday."

Hero- Fatgum is my boyfriend. Get your hands off my baby. Oh hey, Deadpool and the crazy chick. Awwwww Kirishima. His desk has a built-in takoyaki grill. I love my rock son. Oh fuck you just die already. Surprisingly nice of you, giant angry man. FIGHT CLUB. Boyfriend just go with it and don't complain. Meanwhile, other boyfriend spotted! Overhaul is half your size how did you even lose to him. Oh, question withdrawn. Oh cool, Rock Lock has a fun quirk. Oh right, Deku's our main character. Oh hell no, you two get out of here. And then Rock Lock got stabbed (not my fault). And then Aizawa got stabbed (also not my fault). Does this look like a guy who plays weeb chess? I love you, anime Deadpool. Surprise, Nighteye is also buff as fuck. He really just yeets office supplies at them. Awwwww, this is actually kinda heartwarming. Someone get this crusty motherfucker some chapstick. Ohhh this wall bastard's angry. Dr Stone- CELL PHONES. Oh god, he turned into Kars. You could definitely just claim that Taiju was too dumb to realize he wasn't dead. I feel like it'd be a whole lot easier just to train some carrier pigeons. You'd think Senku would have put on some muscle after all this time. THAT'S BAAAAD. These sure are words you're saying. I fully approve of making cotton candy. Oh, I can't eat gold wires. Not the wine! Oh god they've never had sugar before, this is going to go off the rails. This is also how I react to cotton candy. And then it was Food Wars. You fool, Senku's first and only love is science. This is totally not a diversion. "Why did we give out cotton candy to the enemy" is a fantastic question. Oh my god look at Suika. My loyalty can also be bought with candy. Who keeps spilling Food Wars into a show I actually like? What the fuck. I'm with Kohaku, just work harder. Grandpa is the real MVP here. RIP shield. Awww, tiny Kohaku. She's fucking brutal. Chrome no what are you doing. Grandpa powered up. Thank god Senku can just abuse his cheif powers at will. Oh god Chrome what did you do. Oh fuck yeah it's a water wheel. Let's go with his name. This is definitely doing things for Senku. Sword Art- At least if you die, you don't have to be in Sword Art anymore. They're dumb, just let them die. "Sorry we were dicks, please save our stupid village." When you have a dragon, most problems are easy to solve. Was her eye just fine this whole time? I hope Kirito just wandered off to his death during this fight. I am not that lucky. Oh right, there's this entire separate plot going on that I also don't care about. Ohh I'm so scared of this teenage girl angry about her boyfriend. How goddamn weak is this grown man? I forgot how much I fucking hate the word fluctlight. I don't remember what half this shit means. This is stupid. THESE AREN'T REAL PEOPLE, YOU DUMBASS. "He attacked his own fluctlight" is the worst sentence I've ever heard. I don't understand a word this dork is saying. Should I know who that is? Fire Force- Stands sure are some crazy shit. You ever just set yourself on fire, break into a house and kidnap a baby for fun? I guess they just didn't have a dad then. Who just keeps a stack of newspaper in the baby's window? Well, that was surprisingly easy. And then Shinra got stabbed. If they collect them all, they can summon Captain Planet. Well, this could have gone better. GUN. Somebody might wanna give him a little help with that. Joke's on you, he's too stupid to be brainwashed. Captain Sexy just shoving a pillar at her and I'm here for it. Save those random mice on the way out. Hello there, obvious lesbian doctor. Hey maybe instead of talking you could do something about the kid bleeding out. She's Recovery Girl but with a snake. Vulcan I am right here ready to be your replacement girlfriend who won't stab you in the back. Setting your patient on fire seems like a risky move but hey it works. This doesn't seem ominous at all. Oh sweet, he brought jelly donuts! Food Wars- Girl you are goddamn embarrassing. Don't fight, you're both fucking terrible. Shut up, Sasuke. And now, Megumi struggles and fails. HOWDY Y'ALL. Oh good, someone else stepped in and told her what to do, just like damn near every other challenge she's faced this entire show. Tiny Tamaki was so much cuter than this kid. I hope both of you lose. I'm genuinely surprised Megumi isn't having a panic attack this entire time. The key to good soup is the soup. The Soup Nazi's child years were a real learning experience. He's 12, just lock him in a cabinet. I don't care, show. .And then he was Jotaro. Grandpa needs to go buy clothes at the Soup Store. The sauce is made with her tears. Does this really count as ramen? ORA ORA ORA ORA. That is literally just Giorno's stand. Demon Slayer- KICK HIS ASS, SON. I love this goddamn idiot. Oh hey, you made it outside. Quick, somebody throw the sister box into the house for support. In all fairness, this is kind of a sick drum solo. This is why you never read the comments. Good, he avoided the All Might merch! The water moves look so cool. Awww, he gave you a compliment. Yeah you had to execute me but at least you like my work.KITTY! Oh my god she has cat delivery servants, that's adorable. Oh good the kids aren't dead. I feel like we're about to run into the screaming pig boy before we escape the murder house. MY DAUGHTER BOX, GET AWAY FROM HER. Awww idiot. Now you just need somebody with really great eyesight and you've got a solid team started. It's amazing how much I enjoy most of the block's screaming idiot boys but not one in particular. I have no memory of this guy being on the demon mountain. I wil kill you if you touch my daughter. Awww, he knew she was in there and still went along with everything. PUNCH HIM IN THE DICK. You're a good kid, idiot boy. I'm gonna fight the pig guy myself. Kick his ass, Tanjiro! Ohhhhh now he's pissed. Clover- Hahahaha no I'm not watching this. Jojo- Shoot him in the dick! Oh shit it's a cat. Nooo my idiot son. Oh no don't give him a tragic backstory. This guy definitely looks like a douche. Sweetie no that is not a good look for you. YOU ABSOLUTE DOUCHE. Oh no his eye. Someone please hug my son. Fugo's suit, back when it was only moderately terrible. Bruno just walked into that Olive Garden one day and took over. Awwww he got my boy's eye fixed. Bruno is best mom. He passed the test and immediately started dressing like that. It's sweet that he's still protecting the gang. OH FUCK IT'S A GIANT SPIDER. This is goddamn horrifying. I'd like to get off this ride now. Oh thank god he's got a knife. SHIT IT BIT HIM. Please don't kill my son. Okay that was surprisingly genius of him. Dude how did you not notice the car was on fire like ten feet away? No, you're gonna fucking die now. Well, that sure backfired. Dude maybe you should stop screaming loudly for him to hear. Goddamn he looks cool. So does nobody else in town notice the giant fire or anything? This music is great. Maybe y'all shouldn't have sent Narancia shopping. Abbacchio hating Giorno more than anything is the funniest damn thing. Oh no it's a dog statue, that thing's getting destroyed. I hope it's a submarine, let's try one of those again.

On the bright side, at least it's not a regular episode of Black Clover.

Somebody at Toonami could drop a pen on the floor and you nerds would start screaming about it being an omen that the entire block is dying.

It's not like I can fuck a personality! Just look at that ass!

Bold of you to assume they haven't already maxed out their disappointment in me.

40 minutes of my documentary will be dedicated to pouring over every inch of the horniest statue I've ever seen and begging viewers for donations to put this thing in my house.

Well the first red flag is that they're advertising it as some "documentary" instead of just being up front that it's them whining about why people don't like their favorite show for two goddamn hours. Stay tuned for my own person documentary in which, over the course of three and a half hours, I painstakingly explain why I'm not a terrible person for wanting to fuck Endeavor despite all the heinous shit he's done. In Defense of Fire Daddy | Documentary (2020) coming soon!

Hero- Oh no shy boy don't die. SO MANLY. Well Aizawa is definitely fucked here. So you're saying he turned the mob into a hive of villany and scum? It's fine, Aizawa's face can take a beating. ORA ORA ORA ORA. Oh fuck his arms are wrecked. Oh shit he's punching through the fat. Please don't kill my son. Fatgum is best dad. This barrier guy is a douche. Somebody get Fatgum some cake right away. They could be friends if he wasn't trying to kill my boys. Kirishima needs a hug. Please don't kill Dadgum. Oh shit, flashback time. It never occurred to me that hair dye is a thing in this universe. Mina! The best victory is one earned via break dance. Bonk bonk bonk. Oh shit that's a big angry man. Oh no he's scared. I love my kids. Awwwww sad boy. Alright Crimson Riot was cool as fuck. I'm so proud of my hardboy son. Awwwwwwwwww. I fucking love Fatgum. SURPRISE, HE'S HOT. Fatgum is my boyfriend. Dr Stone- Fuck you Kars. And then these guys died. Now there's a great pickup line. Hello, nice whore. I mean, it's hard to argue with his anti-boomer outlook. Yeah the whole "no science" thing sounds great until half your people shit themselves to death because they think soap is the devil. Oh fuck the village is on fire. Fuck you, lady. Senku you've been chief for like a week, get your shit together. THE SCIENCE SHED IS ON FIRE. Kill her, Kohaku. I love my melon child so much. Yessss murder them with sulfur gas. RIP squirrel. Gee if only you people didn't think gas masks were cursed objects. "Suckle on Mama Tsukasa's teat" is a fantastic line. Congratulations, you're the canaries in the coal mine. Suika is the best. Hahahah, we're fucked. Is...is he gonna build a nuke? Okay that was a Death Star. Oh my god he's gonna make Taiju a smart phone. "What are cell phones? Are they fish?" sounds like my parents. I'm losing my shit at the army voices. YES, THEY'RE COMING BACK. I've missed my screaming idiot so much. Nothing's impossible when you have science. Ohhh Kars is pissed. SAO- I hate every decision in my life that has led me to this point. Isn't that one sword basically just their friend's corpse? What the hell is this. Wait wasn't he already in a coma in real life? Is he in some kind of virtual double coma now? Oh hey, the hot guy's alive. Oh thank god, the rape clown is dead. Didn't all of these people die last season? I feel like most people in the village just assumed she was dead. I don't care about any of this, show. Just take the sword, what's he gonna do? Fuck this tree in particular. Yes, ridicule the cripple.I am getting Geass levels of terrible laughs at the wheelchair-bound teen's misfortune here. I do like the dragon, it's the one character I want to live. Dragon family! Oh right, there were goblins in a cave or some shit. Who the fuck IS this guy? "Oh yeah well if he's so great why is he in a coma?" I'm sure Asuna is gonna be just thrilled about this. Aw fuck is it Kars? Fire Force- That giant onesie she's wearing looks comfy. Yeah, I can believe some religious wingnut who speaks in cryptic riddles is a look into hell. I don't know enough about science to call bullshit on this so I guess I'll just go with it. It's fun to see how Dio's power must look for people who don't have stands. Goddamn childhood flashbacks getting in the way of your murder game. You okay there kiddo. I don't think your method of weaponizing his embarrassing baby pictures is gonna work. Did he explode? Jotaro says fuck that. I'm just as confused as you are. Let's just go with magic on this. Yeah sure the universe might get destroyed and we'd all die, but it'd be fun to watch. I don't know what's going on but hey at least the universe is still working. Horking up blood is probably not a good thing. I continue to have no idea how science works and am still just gonna assume this is legit. Food Wars- Maybe I'll luck out and the school will just catch fire. I fucking hate Megumi. I honestly don't remember who even made it this far but I assume I hate them all. Who am I supposed to root for when I can't stand either of them? Gee I wonder how Soma is going to force eggs into this dish. It seems a little unfair to put a blood relative of one of the contestants as a judge. The word of the day is UMAMI. I too scream for buff naked grandpas. Did...did those bystanders just scream "HE'S SHOWN HIS DICK!" or am I just hearing things. I'm sure he's utterly failed with his seaweed bullshit. I hate all these people. I admit, you do win me over with bacon. Nobody cares about your weird story. I miss you, hot dad. What a shock, people enjoying your cooking pays off. Sometimes grandpas just get naked. In the exact opposite of Hero Academia, this show's children make me feel absolutely nothing. Oh no who am I supposed to root for between the most pathetic girl and the worst Sasuke on the block? Demon Slayer- OINK OINK MOTHERFUCKER. Good thing Bryce saved up all his energy during Sword Art. You're gonna wanna aim for those drums. Yeah honey there's a lot wrong here. Where's my other screaming idot boy. I goddamn love this dumbass. YES, BE AS QUIET AS POSSIBLE. Aww this is a good kid. Joke's on you, he doesn't have any brains. Yeah you're just gonna have to leave him. Holy shit he's competent when he sleeps. I was not expecting this. I love this dumb bastard. Quit it with the Naruto run, pig boy. BIG CHUNGUS. Whamu didn't need arms. Oh that doesn't bode well. Fucking Michael Jackson ruining everything again. Why does he have a drum this can't be a good thing y'all gotta run now. CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKER. Oh shit, blood types. I love douche crow. KICK HIS ASS, TANJIRO. Good boy you figured it out. Oh no he's hurt. LOOK AT NEZUKO. Damn it you should have brought the sister box with you. You can do it kiddo I believe in you. Use your hamon! Clover- Please just let them all die this time. Elf douche is taking that loss remarkably well. Oh hey, dimestore Hisoka made it out. And then it grew a steering wheel, because why the fuck not I guess. He survived, I'm so disappointed. I'm genuinely appreciate that the mushroom weirdo didn't die. Mimosa honey have some standards. Thanks, douchenozzle. I hate you all. Or you could just go the easy route and kill them all. At least if that poor nun dies, she doesn't have to keep fighting off Asta's boner. That sure is some ominous shit. Who the fuck are you and why should I care. Just give that lady a break. You want Noelle's help, really? That's how I feel watching the goddamn show every week. Yeah that's a very moving speech, now kill them. Get the fuck away from that nun. Jojo- I love my angry dumbass boy. I wonder how long Narancia had to practice to get his stand to fly along his shoulders like that. Come on kid you can put these clues together. Oh no, poor girl needs her fancy water. FEED MY STAND BABIES. He's right, you shouldn't have sent the idiot. I remember this from Toy Story, you gotta jump hard enough to trigger the door. Him getting stuck in the door shouldn't be so funny. Whelp, that didn't work. Crush him. Owwww your hand. You wouldn't think this guy would be that hard to kill. Trish is gonna be so mad if you don't get her fancy water and panty hose. BEEP BEEP MOTHERFUCKER. I hope the rats eat him. Tiny car. Oh god he's gonna blow him up with a car from the inside. Wow that is one ugly man. That dude with the tongue already makes me uncomfortable. Well, that's one way to kill someone. So they're all named after food then. That can't be a good thing. OH, THAT'S HORRIFYING. Did they really need to put together all 36 pieces to figure out it was a body? Poor rats. He's just riding the rat. Eat shit, shrinky boy. You could at least shoot him in the dick.

SURPRISE. HE'S HOT. Two important facts. One, he's still over eight feet tall in hot mode. Two, I'm gonna climb that like a tree.