EmpressAngel

Tonight killed me. Shenmue- I keep forgetting that one girl who speaks in cryptic riddles exists. I don't trust this guy but I do respect someone who chooses to do business with their tits out. Another sidequest! Time for another mook fight. PLAYER THREE HAS ENTERED THE GAME. Well boys the important thing is you tried. Somebody's gonna have to cut their hand off. The ol' GET HELP ploy. Ryo I'm pretty sure that scrape on your face has healed by now, you can take that bandaid off. Oh yeah this fight is gonna go just great. CHEESE IT. You'll be fine he's too fat to jump. Maybe Ryo's just been gay as hell this whole time. Meanwhile, traumatic flashback for that lady. Oh hey, you found a clue on that tape. And now is it time for a sidequest to rescue that guy? False alarm, it's bird time. This guy just wants to be gay and feed birds. I think that counts as a hate crime. Well you found that guy pretty easy. That bird is about to betray you. You've been bamboozled! Yeah I'm sure that flimsy closet door is gonna hold him. It's funny to me that even having never played these games I can still recognize this entire key sequence as a game mechanic. Great job boys ya blew it. And then Ryo died. BEAT HIS ASS. Titan- His imaginary wife sure looks a whole lot like Mikasa. Jean is a good boy. Don't worry Levi'll be up and murdering titans in no time. Hange is the best. I miss Erwin. Time for a well-earned potato break. Listen here douchebag you tried to titan-genocide them first. Just let Jean beat his ass. Yeeeeah I think it's a little late to talk this all out with Eren. Girl fight! Annie sweetie your dad kinda sucks ass. Fuck yeah, stew! Sweet, free boat. Y'all can just go ahead and kill Yelena if you want. Yelena is the WORST. Imagine doing all that because you're thirsty over Zeke of all people, the sheer embarrassment would have killed me. Shut up bitch nobody cares about you. You keep Sasha's name out of your fucking mouth. Happy festivus, ya cunt. All of them need a hug. Depression Reiner, still the most attractive one in this series. Gabi still sucks but do it for Falco. Don't waste that stew! God I love Levi. Not these assholes again! Ass Class- I know he was an assassin who killed a shitton of people but he still needs a hug. Her fiance can fuck off these two are cute together. Titties. This is too wholesome it's gonna hurt me any minute now. Being on teh verge of tears over my job is just an average work day. Aw fuck here we go. Fucking lab rat. Stop him with your boobs. Oh that's just mean. YOU ASSHOLE. Oh no, I always assumed you just had a fetish for torturing people. This hurts me. This fucking dickbag killed your girlfriend. Aaaand I'm crying. Oh no her revenge thing was all a huge misunderstanding. Man his death is really gonna destroy me. Everyone needs a hug. She likes you, you little dork. Thanks, bitch sensei. Uh kiddo I don't think you're all gonna become genius scientists in the next two months. Abyss- Now for something that's gonna hurt me even worse! WAIT WHAT, NO. I got a bad feeling about this flashback. Ohhh I'm already crying. I do not trust Bondrewd. She looks like a Pokemon trainer. Oh noooo that's human Mitty. Sorry girl the cave monster says it's bedtime. These tiny lesbians are going to break my heart. I got a real bad feeling about this. Get out of here random dude, your silly ethics have no place here. I don't like where this is going. Oh fuck that science chamber can't be a good thing. OH FUUUUUUUUUUCK. Spoiler alert Bondred fucking sucks. I'd like to get off this ride now please. OHHHHHHH THIS HURTS. This is fucked up. Jesus fucking christ, show. Mitty is best girl. Do not let Nanachi cook. Well Reg the important thing is you tried. Please don't kill Mitty. At least make it quick and painless if you can. NOOO ALL THE PLUSHIES. I know I start crying a lot when I watch stuff but I'm straight up gross sobbing here. Everyone needs a hug. I knew exactly what was coming and I still wasn't prepared. Oh good Riko's awake. Everyone loves Nanachi. Reg sweetie the bunny is a lesbian. Goddammit show I just stopped crying! Please stop hurting me, show. That hot spring looks cool as shit. Nanachi playing expert wingman here. Poor Reg. And then KNIFE. Owwww that looks painful. I love my kids. I hope their friends are doing okay. Hi Ozen! Good fucking luck kids you're gonna need it. Well that was an emotional marathon. FUCK this guy. One Piece- I don't have the mental strength to watch anything else for the night.

FELLAS I GOTTA SAY THIS IS SOME OF THE MOST FUCKED UP SHIT

Twice is best boy and these people don't deserve him.

Why is this titled like some clickbait horseshit CBR article?

Attack on Titan: Final Season: For Real This Time: Electric Boogaloo

Shemue- So how long has he been on this quest in-universe? Sidequest to translate this random symbol. Granny's got your back here. Man I hope my obscure cup placement message gets picked up. FIGHT-well that was quick. At least they bandaged him up after they beat the shit out of him. You have not unlocked this backstory yet. She's telling you to take your shirt off. Hey look, you made a friend. Your new friend is Sweeney Todd. Ryo you're gonna accidentally call somebody's mom a whore with those cups and get your ass shot. Oh hey, you made another friend. Aw crap we activated a fight scene. Sorry dude somebody killed your boys. Thanks, random shadow figure. Hey there, you know where I could find some sailors? PIPE, AGAIN. i'm gonna laugh so fucking hard he if gets nailed with the pipe a third time. You need nerves of steel, like the pipe that's given you two concussions this week. I don't trust this guy. Goddammit Ryo. And then they both died. Seriously, don't trust that guy. Meanwhile, this lady's still kind of a bitch. Thanks for nothing, lady. Titan- God I love Hange. Local man too angry to die. Hange needs a hug. Levi needs a hug. I just want to watch Levi finally get to murder Zeke. This is a real rough night for everybody. Falco is a good boy. Aw hell he's figuring things out. Oh my god that is the worst excuse. Oh good, I was wondering if everybody just forgot Armin was a titan too. Meanwhile, lesbians. Sorry Mikasa your girlfriend is dying. Bitch gimmie my scarf. Stone fucking cold. Fuuuuuuck yoooooooou. Oh yeah I'm sure Jean's really changed sides. Time to murder some pie. Oh hi Annie. Oh no Annie dumped her girlfriend. Oh yeah this is gonna go just great for you, ya douchebag. This guy's a good dude. PACKMULE! Ahahahaha you fucking tool. Y'all could have just left Yelena there. Good news Reiner it's time for a suicide mission. Ass Class- Y'know I've literally never once questioned why there was an omnipotent squid monster here and why he decided to go into teaching. You could just try shooting her. Oh that sounds like it's gonna hurt. Quick, tell her she's got no tits, she'll attack you instead. Oh shit get it boy. Congratulations you won a girlfriend. Please don't kill my squid. YOU SON OF A BITCH. I got a bad feeling about this. Wait what? I don't think I'm prepared for this. Well this is depressing as hell. Oh no he was pretty. Spoiler alert things are not going to go well for her. Magic science, got it. Oh that sounds bad. Talk shit get hit. Awww he likes her. Fucking Dandy Reaper. Ohhh you douchebag you set her up. You okay there buddy? Well this hurt me. Abyss- Oh no not Precious Moments Boy. Okay so something in that orphanage is definitely killing those kids. Mitty no don't eat her! Oh sweet, she makes antidotes. Be nice she worked hard on that stew. Oh we've gotta wake Riko up so she can cook. Oh hey, it's a magic blanket. So try and avoid the magic blanket, got it. That sounds horrifying. Uh hey Riko you okay in there? Cool, she's got walkie talkies. Today's your lucky day, random whistle guy. Just follow the bunny's instructions. Now shoot the fuck out of that thing. That old man is shitting his pants right now. Good job kiddo I'm proud of you. WAIT WHAT NANACHI NO. Oh look, I'm already crying. One Piece- Hordy fucking sucks. Decken fucking sucks. Luffy you're just making this worse for yourself. And then Sanji died. Hachi is a good boy. Oh yeah this is gonna go great for y'all. NOT THIS CREEP AGAIN. I would 100% choose death without a second thought. Oh my god she's so precious. Fuck off, citizens! THANK YOU. I love Chopper and Sanji together here. Get back in the shark. Son of a bitch he's still going at it. Oh hey that guy. BEAT HIS ASS, ZORO. He's on drugs. You kinda suck, Neptune. God I love Brook. Quick Usopp your'e gonna have to give Zoro mouth to mouth. Don't fuck with Zoro. Remember kids, don't do drugs. I'm slightly surprised that Zoro managed to swim in the right direction. Whelp there goes the bubble stick. And then he died. I goddamn love that whale. Meanwhile Zoro's slowly drowning. Fucking Brook. Meanwhile, more shenanigans. Oh hey Franky. Uncle fish! If I had a nickel every time this show reuses that scene of Ace getting fisted through the chest, I'd have enough money to afford the theraphy I clearly need. Oh good Sanji's less obnoxious. Close enough. Well that's depressing. Hey by the way there's an evil fish mutiny going on. Oh no you just activated Nami's PTSD again.

Shenmue- Have fun doing the housework, Ryo. It's definitely gonna rain and ruin those books. Just do the chores, chore do-er! And then he obliterated some old lady. That's a box full of drugs isn't it. Or tea, that's fine too I guess. Sweet, free tea. Discount Nami is my favorite. Just beat that kid's ass already. Don't worry Ryo's too oblivious to notice anyone's thirst. Every single woman in this town is a thirsty karate master. THAT'S MY PURSE, I DON'T KNOW YOU. Kick my ass next please. Is it time for a tragic backstory? Aw hell what now. Gentrification is the real villain of Shenmue. Goddammit Ryo you forgot the books! Girl he forgot to do your stupid books one time, get over it. Well mostly he was doing it just to get daddy's love. Let granny beat their heads in. Please tell me grandma's in his harem now. Granny being the kung fu master is less than surprising. Oh good this girl is less of a bitch now. You found a clue! Titan- This could be going better. I have no memory of these people at all. Oh hey Annie. This is someone's fetish. You feel lucky, punk? Having to hear this girl complain and nothing else for years straight sounds like fucking torture. These two are lesbians. Man her life sucked. Her dad is awful. Shippin' it. Annie needs a hug. Meanwhile, everything sucks for everyone. Honestly maybe y'all should just let the others die. God I'd listen to Seitz read a phone book. Also meanwhile, have some more depression from Armin and Mikasa. Connie's also gonna need a hug. You're gonna have to kill Eren, kids. I miss Erwin. Never forget, this is all Gabi's fault. Floch is the WORST. I will eat my shoes if Levi and Hange are actually dead. Connie no! Falco doesn't deserve this. Hange! LEVI. Ass Class- I love these kids. It's gonna destroy me when they eventually find a way to kill that squid. Sweet he found the porn stash. Try the pudding thing again, he'll never expect it. Uhhh what the FUCK is that. Well this came totally out of left field. What? Am I supposed to know who that is? Well this is awkward. Out of everything in this show, this is the hardest thing to believe. Wait how old is she supposed to be? I forgot that Koro's actually done some fucked up shit back in the day. Oh that sounds horrifying. Okay I appreciate her breaking that douchebag's desk. Nagisa is a good boy. You can go ahead and beat this guy's ass. "The dangers of untamed tentacles" 100% sounds like a hentai title. Oh this backstory's gonna fuck me up. At least she's having a good time. Sorry kids I don't think your heartfelt talk is gonna work on her. This could be going better. Aw hell she broke. Abyss- I've only known Nanachi for two minutes but I'd die for her. Uhhh y'all Riko's really not looking so good here. So is there a way to fix her because between the arm and the curse I'm not thrilled with her odds her. Right up the butt. Owwwww. It may come as a shock that neither of this children is a medical professional. I love my kids. Uh what was that. What the FUCK is that. Well this is some fucked up shit. Why am I already crying? Fetch quest time, Reg. Ohhh I don't like this guy. Keep an eye out for Ryo on his own sidequest. Reg is such a good boy. Shroombear nooo! And then naked time. I hope they don't have to kill that bear. False alarm this is good. I love this bunny. She's right, dinner is the most important part. Hands off the bunny, kiddo. Oh hey, the pickaxe is here. This is a weird place. Whelp, Reg's hallucinating. Uhhh whatcha up to, Mitty? One Piece- You're a fucking creep, dude. Oh hey, Robin. Good luck guards you're about to get your bones snapped in half. God I love Robin. Zoro's having a great day. I love that goddamn giant shark. Nami and Usoopp are suffering. You're just talking nonsense now, Neptune. Shit, we forgot about the switch! Oh thank god, Sunny's alright. Tom's brother looks nothing like him. Fish genetics are weird. RACISM IS BAD, GUYS. Uncle fish! Man it sure is lucky that Luffy kidnapped the princess. Zoro's not drunk enough for this. Vander Deken fills me with a sense of visceral disgust. Goddammit Luffy. That poor shark needs a vacation. Nami's cool with getting all your money. Aw hell you triggered Nami's PTSD. Remember, all rich people are murderers. Arlong, doing exactly one decent thing in his life. God I love Brook so much. And then they all drowned. Neptune may be dumb as rocks but he's a good dude. Zoro's hot and I like watching him fight. Where's Nami? Usopp with the assist. Brook's dying. Zoro you can't use your swords as good under water. Robin and Franky, still married. Meanwhile, Choopper's doctoring. Goddammit Sanji. Oh my god don't show Sanji that princess. Oh no she's gonna pop out of the shark and they're all gonna misunderstand. Goddammit Megalo! Whelp, Sanji's dead.

I knew what was coming and I still wasn't ready. Shenmue- Every year the "i can't fight a girl!" issue gets more tired and annoying. Sounds like it's time for some SIDEQUESTS, bitches! Hey again, discount Nami. Sometimes you just gotta wake up and start drinking. Congratulations you're a sideshow attraction now. It's either the weird rock smashing thing or whoring yourself out. If the guys won't hit on sure I'm sure willing to pick up the slack. Oh look, a gang of random thugs to get beat up. Never fight a man who wakes up day drinking he's already got nothing to lose. Oh don't worry she'll do your room alright. Punch those rare books in half, Ryo. "Earn rent money" sidequest activated. I like that they just threw Nami's voice at discount Nami here. RYO SHE'S TRYING TO NAIL YOU. Sure, now's a good time for a serious talk. Siiiiiiiiiiiiidequest. Goddammit Ryo you oblivious son of a bitch. Titan- Previously, Eren activated the apocalypse. Oh hey is that Annie's dad? Reminder that this is all Gabi's fault. The fuck you mean what's wrong, there's a gaping hole in his side. It's not my fault if Reiner dies he's been wanting this the whole season. Falco deserves better. Eren did save everyone's balls but he's out of line with the genocide thing. Oh right, Connie's mom got titan'd way back years ago. Shut up Armin let him save his mommy. Gee thanks Eren this is just great. If Sasha's sister gets eaten I'm flipping a table. I never thought I'd be happy to see Gabi. Chef dude is the best. I love Sasha's parents and their hillbilly accents. Yeah yeah humans are all terrible but Gabi's still the worst here. Trainer Seitz! Eat shit, Yelena. I'm happy to see a return of the derpy running titans. Oh shit it's the old dude. Alright which of you's gonna be the one to go Old Yeller on the commander. Meanwhile, the world's still ending. THIS FUCKING GUY. I enjoy seeing this specific child suffer. Oh right, Reiner's still dying. I'm still waiting for Hange to show back up with Levi 99% dead and 1000% pissed off. Wait was that Annie? Ass Class- I love this squid so much. Eat shit, douchebag. The hell kind of flashback is this? You're wasting your time show you're not gonna get me to like him. Wow this got DARK. This backstory sure went off the rails. This asshole can still eat shit. Awww these kids. Boooo, he's not dead. I still hate him, show. Huh, he's surprisingy weak. You tried kids. And now for something completely different. I love these kids. He's a peach. Oh hey we're doing Momotaro here. Divorce papers. This is goddamn fantastic. You people just don't understand quality theater. Meanwhile, this guy is STILL a massive sack of asshole. YAY FOR UNEMPLOYMENT! Abyss- I know what's coming and I've got my Emergency Booze. The enviornments in this show are so fucking cool. At least Riko's having fun. "Bleeding out of everywhere" sounds like a real bad time I hope we don't have to deal with that. I hope those squid things are friendly. Great, we're in a hole full of mysterious unknown monsters. I hope whatever's following them isn't violent. Ohhhhhhh I don't like that. CHEESE IT! Aw fuck it's fast we're so screwed. Good luck kids I believe in you. OHHHHHHHHHHH I DON'T LIKE THAT. Oh shit fuck we're breaking out the Emergency Booze early. I'd like to get off this ride now please. Aaaand it's time for BLOOD FROM EVERYWHERE. Oh fuck oh FUCK her hand. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I DON'T LIKE THAT. I don't think you got much of a choice here, kiddo. I can't drink fast enough to handle this. Here sweetie bite down on this stick. Jesus fucking christ. Knowing this was coming didn't make it any better. And now the giant bugs are here, great. Shit please tell me she's not dead. FUUUUUUUUUUUCK. Raise your hand if you're already crying! BUNNY FRIEND, THANK GOD. Reg honey I don't think anything's gonna hurt her more at this point. I've only just met this little creature but I would die for her. One Piece- Talk about a fucking tone change. I like that it didn't occur to them to take that guy's swords before they put him in the dungeon. God I love Nami. Shirahoshi is so goddamn adorable. I love these idiots so much. Don't feel bad my back hurts constantly too now. This entire family is weird as hell. I want Zoro to answer my door forever. You goddamn idiots. I miss Uncle Fish. I still love those tiny mermaids. Oh hey, Sanji's still alive. Shirahoshi honey use your words. Take her to that forest right now! Hey could y'all go check on my kid? Zoro gives absolutely zero fucks and I love it. Brook no mermaids don't wear panties. GODDAMMIT BROOK. This fucking wingnut just yeeted a bunch of dudes at her. Well this banquet sure turned into a real shitshow. I love that shark. Oh hey Franky. Wow the princess is gone who could have seen that. Don't fuck with Brook. Fucking Hordy, Oh hey Hachi! Remember kids, don't do drugs. Arlong sucked. Remember kids, racism is wrong. Joke's on you douchebag, Luffy's his friend. Hachi is a good boy. Oh no Hachi! Poor Hachi. You creepy fuck you stay away from that princess. Fuck you Hordy. Goddammit Sanji. Chopper's done with his shit. Oh hey, he's a doctor! Oh good they found Hachi. This day just keeps getting weirder for everyone. Great timing on kidnapping that princess. I sense a tragic backstory ahead. Uncle fish!

Remember kids, sometimes executive meddling is a good thing.

Who asked for this? Like, the two sequels we already got weren't horrible, but I honestly don't think I've seen a single person who's ride or die, hardcore into them the way people still are towards the original even after 20 years. It felt like they were milking that cow pretty dry already, and adding on another two whole extra sequel series just feels completely unnecessary. Housing Complex sounds like it has some promise, though. Here's hoping they can actually pull it off and roll out more original ideas.

Don't worry there's plenty of porn detailing that exact concept. Shenmue- It's gonna be real hard to top the sheer joy I got from the forklift content but we'll see how it goes. Hi there, Discount Nami. This kid doesn't have a soccer ball you can't trust him. MY BAG. Never trust a child. Go stay with Discount Nami. Hey look, our next sidequest has arrived. Hi there, unnecessarily angry old lady. I bet that guy's dead. Hi, other hot lady. Meeting denied. Is your wish something that can be resolved by punching? Is this friendly old guy the master? Objective unlocked: Punch tree 100 times. I could go for some instant noodles. Thanks douche that's helpful. Discount Nami to the rescue. She's into you, dumbass. I like her. Oh right, the weird girl who speaks in cryptic riddles. Now go get your sack of useless crap back from the orphan. I like that guy who's just carrying around a boombox while trying to fight. Fuck you, tree! Awooda? You've unlocked a new location. Does this lady ever uncross her arms? Surprise, it's the hot lady. Who's this asshole? Titan- Goddammit Eren! Once again, fuck you Zeke. Time to destroy everyone's balls. Those hands were just holding you back. Oh right, Historia's life is all fucked up too. Well that's an ominous book. I don't like where this is going. I'd like to get off this ride please. Quick, hide in the treegina! That sure is a thing that happened. Congratulations, "I shall reward you with my seed" is the absolute worst sentence I've ever heard! And then she died. Oh hey, the walls are named after them. Okay so did he actually have any idea they'd get her powers if they ate her or was that just some kinda batshit hunch he had? EVERYONE'S YELLING. The surprising twist to getting her on your side is just treating her like a normal goddamn person, who'd have thought. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what is this? Aw shit here we go. Remember that this is all Gabi's fault. Eren what the FUCK. Oh okay then I guess we're just going with the straight up genocide plan then. Ass Class- Math is a truly terrifying beast. I love my kids. I have no idea what you're saying, boys. Meanwhle Karma learns a valuable lesson bout teamwork. i'm proud of all of you, kids. Now you just have to kill the unkillable squid and you're good. The important thing is, your douchebag principal ate shit on this test. SLAP. It's gonna hurt me so bad when they eventually have to kill him. Oh you sack of shit. So does this douchewad just want the entire world to be destroyed? I love that squid. Oh I'm gonna enjoy watching this assclown fail yet again. What is this excessively elaborate horse shit? Just kill him. I want to see this dickwad suffer. He even fired the chestnut, that bastard! HOORAY FOR UNEMPLOYMENT! Abyss- Wow, what a hole. Good luck kids, I love you. Meanwhile, I'm glad the other kids are doing okay. Aww look at the adorable puffballs. Oh, everything else is terrifying. Nooo the adorable puffballs! That ship is definitely haunted. Aw shit that's some kinda monster nest. CHEESE IT. RIP boat. Ohhhh that sounds like a bad thing. Oh no it's that fucker again. Throw the puffballs at it! Man I hope that tunnel leads someplace safe. Riko for the love of god just stay there. Riko no what did I just say! I'm guessing she moved all of twelve feet. Food! Great job, now you're being digested. Ewwww. They're so cute I want 400 of them. RIKO GODDAMMIT JUST STAY THERE. And then she got hit with the curse again. And now she's hallucinating. That's not your mom THAT'S NOT YOUR MOM! Congratulations! Aw fuck that thing's still attacking. WHIP OUT THE SCYTHE! I love my good robot son. Surely it's all smooth sailing from here. One Piece- AGAIN, WHY DO WE LET CARIBOU EXIST. Tonight's theme is apparently me being viscerally disgusted. Present time, shit is hitting the fan. I goddamn love that whale. Luffy, just casully insulting the king. I love Brook. Oh, did you find Zoro? He's already drunk, it's definitely Zoro. Awww, Tom. Robin's archaeology senses are tingling. Magic tree, got it. Here, have this cactus. Oh hey that's nifty. Ooh it's fancy. King Neptune is grounded. Someone feed this boy. Goddammit Luffy! The hell? Oh yeah this is all going just great. Lotta axes jammed in that door. You're on a giant pair of titties. Awwww, she's adorable. Luffy, immediately insulting their princess. Oh look, it's this asshole again. Ohhhh, he's a fucking creep. It's okay sweetie he just wants your food. Let me axe you a question. That sure are a lot of guards all of a sudden. I mean, Sanji's a pretty solid suspect for mermaid kidnapping. My shark! Yep, that sounds like Zoro. She's so cute! I love Megalo. Oh, he's goddamn terrible. Give Luffy food and he'll protect you with his life. Well that's depressing. SHE'S SO CUTE I LOVE HER. Don't yell at her. Luffy you can't say that! He's breaking you out, sweetie! Wow, these guards suck. Fuck 'em up, guys! Oh hey Zoro. Meanwhile, what the fuck are you people doing. I hate all of you.

There's really no good way to handle Alvida that's not gonna get crucified by half the reviews. Her entire plot is being an incompetent fat lady who gets punched in the face so hard she goes flying across the ocean and returns as a competent thin lady. Adapt that faithfully and the non-anime watchers are going to have issues with the main character hitting a woman as a gag and the fat/thin depiction; adapt it for casual viewers and the anime fans are going to lose their shit about their cartoon being changed to appease the general audience and probably throw in some slurs because clickbait anime bros are goddamn horrible. They really should have just cut Alvida entirely, rearranged Coby to be on Buggy's crew, and blamed it on having to streamline the adaptation instead of not wanting to deal with nerds complaining about her character.

Live action Garp can get it.

I can and have simped for worse within the last week. You do you, buddy. Shenmue- Are we sure there's no more forkift content? Look at this failure pissing on himself. I like this girl. Be more like this girl, Nozomi. Oh hey, forklift guy. YES MORE FORKLIFT CONTENT. Sorry girl you're not forkllift certified. I'm genuinely delighted by this turn of events. Oh yeah I'm sure they're really dead. Surprise they're not really dead. You dumb gangster bastards they've still got a forklift. 70 vs 2 seems like a fair fight. Mai is my favorite character. PIPE. Time to find yourself a rich sugar daddy, Ryo. Please slap that guy every time he screams BRO at the screen. Screw her already. No, it really was her fault for walking straight into the mobsters. At least take some pity on her and let her blow you. WHAT. Boy howdy did he score out of his league. Meanwhile Nozomi doesn't get dicked, absolutely tragic. MY LEG. Not this fucker again! And these dudes were never seen again. Titan- SOMEONE LEFT A BABY. Your dad sucked, boys. Eren's having a bit of a rough day. Nobody fucking likes you, Zeke. Weird memory shit. Why not destroy everyone's balls, Eren? The running theme of this season is that Zeke continues to fucking suck. And then we spent years trying to get into that goddamn basement. Oh hey, is that Historia's family? Everyone sucks in this episode. FUUUUTUUURE. Well, this could be going better. Uhhh Eren whatcha doing? And then everyone died. No one's having a good time here. Zeke's having a rough day. Ass Class- Diiiiiiiiiiick. He's going to turn all your lackeys against you. This is not gonna end well. Piece of shit asshole. I goddamn love Karma. Koro-sensei is best teacher. Oh no the douche is here. What the fuck. Oh no, we can literally murder him for you if that's what you want. Neat, everybody's goals line up nicely together. Karma is the best. May he offer you an egg in this trying time? Good luck kids, do your best. ENGLISH HAMMER. Those monsters are cracking me up. Oh hey, the fake girl. I'm pretty sure the brute force technique is how I passed the science part of my ACT back in the day. Partial credit is indeed a godsend. Karma's so cool. Abyss- Time for some happy fun training with the adorable children. Oooh it's pretty, go swimming in it. Ohhh that seems ominous. ABYSS HIPPO. Oh fuck you summoned the mosquitos. I love my kids. Your plan is shit, literally. They were definitely lesbians before she found a boyfriend. Lyza needs a hug. Surprise, it's a corpse baby! Sweet, hippo meat. They made it, I'm proud of them. Riko: dead. Riko: FOOD. Time is an illusion, kiddos. Hug! Hug denied. Oh I already don't trust Bondrewd. Joke denied. We got a fresh mystery on our hands, folks. Sweet, magic pickaxe. Tell us the secrets, goddammit! Marulk is so cute. Lyza's so fucking cool. She's so pretty. One Piece- Last time, Sanji fucking died. Oh fuck DON'T OPEN THAT BARREL. The one with the crowbar is my girlfriend. Goddammit Sanji control your goddamn dick. Boy howdy did this scene not age well. Sorry Luffy you've got covid. Oh sweet, poison immunity. Well, there was that time he got bukake'd in poison sludge. Save those mermaids! Again, why do we let Caribou exist. GIANT SHARK WAIFU. I love you, big titty fortune teller shark wife. No meat for you. I goddamn love Brook. Starfish friend! "Lots of bones to go around!" fucking killed me. Maybe next time we should just let Sanji die. I am unreasonably pleased with that fish taxi's hat. Oh, he's a fucking creep. "That doesn't make sense" has never stopped this show before. Sweet, mermaid genetic lesson. Big Mom? I bet we never hear from her again. Aw shit, now there's a whole damn prophecy to deal with. Well this looks like a bad time. I'm calling that one guy Douchebag Zoidberg. Oh this guy looks like a real asshole. Remember kids, don't do drugs. Man this starfish is doing well for himself. God I love Nami. Oh fuck how do I get that deal. Oh hey, the king. I like his giant whale. Whaaaaaale. Oh hey it's the shark. Oh good he's a nice king. GODDAMMIT SANJI. Gettin' real tired of this joke, show. Fuck yeah, party! Shut up and get on the shark. We're still missing Franky and Robin, right? And then these random schmucks got murdered. FUCKING ARLONG?

Great, gonna have fun dealing with their customer service about the yearly subscription I paid for in January. Two free months of CR premium ain't exactly an even trade on that one.

All I knew about Shenmue going into this anime was the forklift meme and that everyone hated the third game. I was unreasonably excited for that Forklift Content and somehow I was not disappointed. 9/10, would have preferred more forklifts.

I'm dragging myself away from the Disney Villain Pretty Boy Isekai game I've gotten sucked into for this, be grateful. Shenmue- I'm just here for the forklift. Oh right, I forgot this was the 80s and travel agencies were still a thing. Not the piggy bank! Hi, discount Josuke. Start whoring yourself out, Ryo. These two are fucking. I am unreasonably excited for this forklift content. Just drive the forklift, forklift driver. No don't leave him alone he's not forklift certified! BRO BRO BRO. I hate this boy. Go bang your girlfriend, Ryo. Maybe your dad wouldn't have abandoned you if you didn't suck so much. This guy's back to beat your ass. Sweet, you learned a new movie. Is she about to get kidnapped so he can save her? Canada, eh. That pallet isn't straight, you fucking failure. BRO BRO BRO BRO BRO BRO BRO. Oh no don't beat up the forklift guy. The bond between forklift operators is sacred. This is not going to go well for her. Nozomi you fucking idiot. I refuse to fear anyone named Terry. Show them your sweet forklift skills. This could be going better. Quick, fake your death. Now now, perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Titan- If Levi doesn't come back from the dead to kill Zeke I'm flipping a table. I'm rooting for packmule here. Armin aren't you a titan too? Fuck you, Zeke. I think that guy might be dead. Aww, that was nice of him. Everyone likes Falco. FUCK Zeke. And then everything was titans. Well this whole operation went tits up in a hurry. Reiner just wants to fucking die. It's important to remember that all of this is Gabi's fault. Oh hey, that guy. I hate you, Zeke. WHELP. You leave everyone's balls alone. So they never developed therapy in this universe. Just two nice brothers playing a game of catch. Wait was Gabi the one who blew his head off because she's once again going to ruin everything. Does the bus run through here? Shit has gotten weird. Order her to destroy everyone's balls like we planned! EAT SHIT, ZEKE. Ymir says no. W H E L P. Ass Class- Thanks for the exposition, chestnut mascot. UNEMPLOYMENT IS AT ALL-TIME HIGH! I hate that kid. Come eat our nuts, high school kids. Ohhhh, they're those guys. Their ultimate weapon: shitty Yelp reviews. Don't you dare Food Wars this. God I'm gay. This place looks fucking unbearable. PLAY FREEBIRD. Oh hey, it's the orphans. Do we know this kid? I have no memory of this boy. Oh hell it's that guy. Poor Nagisa. Karma's just here to whore him out. "He's just a weeb" is a solid excuse. Oh come on how is that guy not dead. GUN. Busted. He didn't know you were a dude. "Whip your dick out!" Aww, he's a nice rich douchebag. Was that Bobobo? Aw hell it's his crazy mom, kick her out. Will you let him cut his hair? Is that a spark of backstory I see? Abyss- Dang lady how old are you? Oh hey, it's the magic box. That ain't right. Ohhhh that's fucked up. I'm not comfortable with any of this. Jesus Ozen chill your shit. Reg is a good boy. Yeah I think it's pretty clear this this is a location that god has abandoned. I don't trust this woman around kids. Please don't hurt my robot son. Goddamn she beat this hit out of her. I DON'T LIKE THIS. What the fuuuuuuuuck. MY KIDS, NO! This is some fucked up shit. False alarm and she's not going to murder them, I guess? I only panic-cried a little bit with this. Oh shit her mom's not dead! Aww tiny Lyza. Oh they fuckin. Ozen is your mom now. One Piece- Ooh it looks cool. I like the sea giraffe. Stop bullying our kraken! Brook is a delight. The hell is this? On fuck you you're with Arlong. We're having grilled fish tonight, gang! For the love of god just hold Luffy down. Haaa, it's a sea lion. Don't let Sanji see those mermamids. Oh good, it worked. And then everyone died. Everybody grab a devil fruit user and save them. Oh my god look at the tiny adorable mermaids. CAMIE! Where's the rest of the crew? She's so cute. Mood, girl. Please tell me what the deal is with the little mermaids. Sanji's going to die. Sanji you've been here for like ten minutes. Bubbles! Oh my god the turtle has a whistle. I'm happy for the starfish. That's the current from Finding Nemo. "I don't get it but it sure is neat!" is how I feel about most things. God I'm gay. RIP Sanji. Meanwhile, shit's abrewin' in the rough side of town. Oh yeah this is gonna go just great for you. Oh good, the others are alive. Robin and Franky are married. Boy I hope Zoro didn't get tossed somewhere alone. I'm sure Sanji having a rare blood type won't come up at any point. Luffy collects warlords like pokemon. Uncle Fish! Spoiler alert my boyfriend died pre-timeskip. I love the little mermaids so much. That sure is some kind of ship alright. ATTENTION DUELISTS. Titties. Oh my god Sanji's going to die. You are all weirdos. Having my face smashed between a set of massive boobs is also how I want to die. GODDAMMIT SANJI. It's okay sweetie it's not your fault. If you shoot all the blood out of your nose you won't have enough left to fill your dick! Aw crap, Zoro's on his own. Oh neat, that's good to know about blood. I always love all the different laughs in this show. They're pirates, they don't care about laws. Humans suck. And then Luffy destroyed them all. Aww the sea bear doesn't wanna fight him. Camie, just casually stealing the royal boat. Oh my god you could have just said y'all were friendly when you showed up instead of unleashing all the guards.

Nipple lights are the one cyborg upgrade I'd consider.

The best choice I ever made was dropping Naruto years ago. Shenmue- Did he say they're having a knife festival? Of course the china shop can read Chinese. Oh hey, soccer kid. Gee that would have been helpful to know before your dad got the shit murdered out of him. Mugging is uncool. I'm guessing this episode took several hours of gameplay in the original version. Oh right, the mirror thing. He's a master of the martial art known as murdering the shit out of people. This old man is absolutely going to get murdered. The plot, it thickens. This guy's mad because Daddy doesn't love him enough. So like, why not just give that guy the mirror if that's all he wants. Bang that girl, Ryo. Oh yeah, girls always hate other people knowing they look in mirrors. SHE WANTS YOU TO BONE HER. That's a totally unconspicuous secret hole in the wall. Secret room nothing, that's practically a whole damn secret second house hidden in there. Oh hey, there's the thing. Goddammit this ugly fucker again. I hope that guy dies soon. The Mad Angels, not to be confused with me, who's just a generally bitter and angry angel. Do ye fear death, Jack Sparrow? FORKLIFT AHOY. Titan- Someone give Mikasa a hug. Oh hey, Sasha's family is here. Save Eren so you can beat his ass yourselves. Meanwhile, this could be going better. Reiner also needs a hug and for someone to remove all the sharp objects in his house. Oh great, fucking Zeke's here. YEET. Props to this show for giving me the ass shots I literally never wanted, I respect it as much as I hate it. Gabi, still the worst. This guy's having a rough day. Jean's had enough of this shit. Oh hey Seitz is alive. Oh hey the one old guy. Oh shit she gave up her scarf. I hope this lady dies painfully soon. Watching Titan Eren waddle down the street is kinda cracking me up. I hope Levi comes back from the dead just to kill the shit out of zeke. GOD I hate that lady. On the flip side, this guy is the best. Let the cute chef guy kill her this time. I'm with Sasha's sister on this one. Oh hey, she's finally learning a lesson here. Falco is a good boy. It's funny that you think Zeke won't do it anyways even if he knows it'd destory Falco. Oh no, I liked pack mule. SIKE. I'm not luck yenough to have Zeke die here. Ass Class- Oh dang, she's looking good. Boners everywhere. Poor Nagisa. Karma's the best. I love these kids and their squid dad. Nagisa no! Please give this boy a hug. Oh hey, he has a mom. Son you're not helping your case here. Aw fuck she's crazy. I don't like this. Suddenly the gender jokes aren't as funny. Good luck, squid sensei. Oh lord here we go. I DON'T LIKE THIS. Goddammit Koro. I love this squid so much. Oh FUCK what is this. Lady what the fuck. And then this happened. Let him cut his hair. I'm your mom now. This is exactly how I feel at red lights. My little boy is growing up. Abyss- I'm sure she's nice. Get in the creepy giant cage, kids. Oh right, the whole curse thing. Tall lady. I like her. I love my kids. Yeah she had help, check out her cool robot friend. Here, explain it all to my child maid. Sweet, free whistles. Well, she has barfed a lot today. That's nicer than my house. That's a good question. Marulk is also my child. RIKO HONEY, PANTS. Aww, that was nice of her. As a pasty fucker with shit sun tolerance, that's a mood. Riko's having a great day. Watch out for the barf curse again. I got a bad feel about this, Scoob. WHAT THE FUCK. I'm pretty sure she pissed herself. She wet his bed. Whatever the explanation is on that, I don't think it'll be good. The plot, it thickens. So uh, who made the grave? I'm gonna vote we don't go in the weird lady's creepy private library. Box. One Piece- I'm nodding off and I've already seen these episodes so I'm throwing in the towel for the night. Edit: I take it back, I need to share my love for Franky's nipple lights.

Fena still showed plenty of potential after the first couple episodes. So yes, it is too early to crown a show the best after only two weeks.

Shenmue- If he doesn't bone that cute girl who's clearly thirsty for him, I will be severely disappointed in him. I like this girl and her little baby sheep. Surely this poem isn't applicable to our main character. Plot twist, it is written in Chinese but they just had absolute garbage handwriting. Oh good, this ugly fucker's still around. Thanks, friendly old man. Is this the sailor thing people have been referencing for two weeks? Welcome to the Salty Spitoon, how tough are ya? I refuse to fear a man named Charlie. Oh hey, it's that little boy. This'll go well. At least the boy got his soccer ball back. Ask the hot dog guy, maybe he can read it. SHE WANTS TO BANG YOU. Canada, eh? Oh yeah, kidnap the dude who keeps beating everyone's asses, that'll go great. The right direction is VENGEANCE. This is totes not a trap. I'm laughing at how unnecessary tight they made those thugs' shirts. MY MAIL. And then he punched everyone. Don't distract him, old man. Thanks for the help, Charlie. Oh hey did this old guy teach his dad? Next up, pottery side-quest. Titan- Oh fuck is Levi dead? I refuse to believe Levi's actually dead. Fuck you, Flock or whatever the fuck your name was. Uhhh what's up with that? Zeke, still the fucking worst. I love Hange so much. UHHHHHHHHH WHATS UP WITH THAT? Stop showing me Zeke's ass. Alright this song is a banger. LET'S GET READY TO RUUUUMBLE. Use Gabi as a human shield. I do like packmule girl. Reiner got a lot more attractive in this last season when he developed crippling depression. Owww arm. It's funny that you think he's gonna listen to any order you give him. Titan fight, go! What happened to the one nice boy she was with? Oh right, Falco got fucked up. Oh yeah, this is gonna go just great. Oh great, now everybody is shooting at everybody. That's a lot of blood. Oh hey, are you dumb bastards actually gonna do something not totally sutpid and let the main characters out? Oh right, Sasha's cute boyfriend is here. Nobody wants to see your balls cut off. Mikasa needs a hug. I mean, Levi's also an Ackerman and also kicked the shit out of Eren that one time. Meanwhile, this could be going better. Ass Class- Dog Koro-sensei is still hilarious. At least we got Tits Mcgee back. Oh no there he goes. I forgive her. Tongue. Shit he's gonna drown them all. SMACK. He's so cool. Maybe don't call her Professor Bitch if you want her to help you. Please don't kill him we love him. Seriously what is with this dude's dark evil aura. I can't stop staring at her tits. Shit he used her as a decoy. Oh no is bitch dead? Bitch-sensei's had it rough. Awww he does care. Eat shit, Reaper Dandy. Koro. HELLOOOO KARASUMA. God, what a mood. I can't stop staring at his tits. Oh I'm into this. What the FUCK. Aim for his gross skinless face. You douchebag. Aw hell is this my fault. PSYCHE. This is definitely doing things for bitch. Calm down lady. Oh he's smooth. Now kiss. Karasuma is best dad. It's going to break me when they inevitably have to kill that squid. Abyss- Surely this is gonna go just great. Neat, giant compass trees. Aw shit who's that. I got a bad feeling about that voice, kids. Ohhhh I don't like that. Riko no! You're gonna have to kill the murder birds, Reg. Oh fuuuuuck there's a whole flock of them. Shit it's the level curse. And then Riko got eaten. FUCK YOU, BIRDS. I, uh, think you got them. You're a good boy is what you are. This is fine. I love my kids. Aw shit Reg broke. Oh that's horrifying. That notebook would have come in handy, I'm sure. I love her. It's fine, it's technically not cannibalism. This place is so cool. Awwwww Reg is such a good boy. Goddamn monkeys! Hello there, random maid. I got a bad feeling about this, kids. Say hello to Ozen! One Piece- Why do we let Caribou exist? Nice boat. Oh shit it's baby Roger. Aww he misses his friend. Reminder that devil fruit users lose the ability to swim, so they could never see any of this normally. YOHOHOHO. Zoro. That's a big fish. Luffy no! Zoro no! And then Sanji died. Oh my god you idiots are going to die. Oh thank god, that bubble's more durable than I thought. Oh my god you idiots are going to die. I love Chopper. Well that sounds ominous. ROBOT STUFF! Thanks for the crotch shot, show. Thanks, octobro. Oh shit Kuma protected the ship? Vegapunk, you say? Thanks, bearbro. Sanji is suffering. GODDAMMIT CARIBOU WHY DO WE LET YOU EXIST. I wish I could speak whale. What's that? SEACOW! Please save the seacow. Mohmoo! Why do I not have a plushie of that thing? Quick, toss him off the ship to his death. Thank you Franky. YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER. Goddammit Sanji, again. Chopper stole his skull joke. I love Brook so much. It looks cool even though I don't understand it at all. The hell is that? Is it Cthulhu? Whatever it is, feed Caribou to it. Oh, there's a corpse and it's not Brook. RELEASE THE KRAKEN. Luffy's gonna fight that thing and probably eat it. Brook. Oh good, he's out of blood to explode out of him. Nothing of value was lost and Mohmoo is free, that's a great day. Oh this isn't gonna end well for our gang of idiots. Oh shit Franky's got some moves. HE'S SO FLUFFY.

Okay, real talk? I genuinely think you have an unhealthy fixation on this late-night cartoon block, to the point that your loved ones would be seriously concerned for your well-being if it got cancelled again. Like, damn near every post I see from you is worrying about the state of Toonami, the budget, acquisitions, you name it. There are 40 unpinned threads on the first page of this folder, you made sixteen of them, and the vast majority of those are to complain about something someone did or worry about the schedule and getting shows for it. That shit is exhausting just to read, I have no idea how you manage to function with what appears to be a severe level of anxiety over the block. Get a therapist, or a hobby, or a fleshlight, anything to focus on that isn't Toonami for a change. I'll hook you up with my favorite sex toy site if it'll get your mind off cartoons for twenty minutes! It's clear that Toonami is a labor of love, and those involved are going to do everything in their power to keep it alive as long as possible. It may dwindle down to a two-hour block of Naruto premiers and original reruns, but it'll still exist in some form as long as they can keep it up. Worse comes to worst, I actually think it's more likely for HBO to absorb it as some kind of branding for DC and mature animation than letting it die entirely. Toonami fans are nothing if not loyal, and it'd be a waste not to try and milk that loyalty for whatever they can get from it. It's nothing short of a fucking miracle that Toonami came back from the dead in the first place; the thought of it one day running its course and returning to the graveyard from whence it came isn't too horrifying when you look at the legacy it'll leave whenever that day comes.