mthor

Nobody is too young for an MI.

If you are over 50 and don't have a baseline EKG on file somewhere, this might be the time ask the doc about getting one. Also, glad to hear that you haven't become battery-powered. On topic - I like raw beef, and dislike hazelnuts in any way, shape, or form.

Jumping the megalodon, maybe?

Mazel Tov!

True. It probably would have been more accurate to say that they were used to observing it.

Well, to be fair, both of the interpreters were native speakers who'd immigrated as adults. It's apparently a big deal in eastern Europe, and they were used to celebrating it.

It actually is a thing in other countries...one year at work, the Russian interpreter and the Bosnian interpreter, who were both men, got us pizza. We never got anything from our American male bosses.

I don't know what the numbers mean, but I do know that as people get older, they become far-sighted (if memory serves me, as it so seldom does, the eyeball flattens as we age). This means that near-sighted people become less near-sighted. This also means that one is generally in ones mid 40's before one notices any appreciable difference, although one can have the process begin in the mid 30's. Welcome to middle age.

What?

Imagine a few of those in a batch of deviled eggs. When I was a kid, we got our eggs from one of the local farmers - it never failed that the double yolks always showed up when Mom was baking a cake. The only thing that pissed her off more was getting one with a blood spot .

Get off the lawn, whippersnapper.

Better?

Oh fuck. NVM. You can't tell me a joke on Thursday, or I'll laugh in church.

Seriously.

Neither do I.

See, this is what happens when you buy a Ouija board. If you use it, he materializes in your kitchen, drinks all your beer, eats all your food, watches Lifetime movies on your TV, complains about your gaming system, and makes a pass at every underage female within ogling distance. And that's just the first day.

It's not against the law to get them wet.

He doesn't come up in mine, and I watch a lot of serial killer videos. Is that a good thing, or is it just because nobody's looked in the cellar?

*hits you, owl, and shit with high-pressure attachment to hose* My cognitive function may be going, but my aim is still pretty good.

Yes, children. I know. Now get off the goddamn lawn.

Dammit, sponges, you've blown her cover.

Back when 50 Shades of Grey was a thing, I used to love the look on the face of little old ladies when they checked it out of the library. It was this wonderful furtive combination of "what if somebody sees me" and "say word one, bitch."

Now get rid of it. You don't invite random strangers into your house from the physical realm. Why would you invite them from any other plane?

You're cute, but you're not my type.

Jerry Springer