mthor

What?

Imagine a few of those in a batch of deviled eggs. When I was a kid, we got our eggs from one of the local farmers - it never failed that the double yolks always showed up when Mom was baking a cake. The only thing that pissed her off more was getting one with a blood spot .

Get off the lawn, whippersnapper.

Better?

Oh fuck. NVM. You can't tell me a joke on Thursday, or I'll laugh in church.

Seriously.

Neither do I.

See, this is what happens when you buy a Ouija board. If you use it, he materializes in your kitchen, drinks all your beer, eats all your food, watches Lifetime movies on your TV, complains about your gaming system, and makes a pass at every underage female within ogling distance. And that's just the first day.

It's not against the law to get them wet.

He doesn't come up in mine, and I watch a lot of serial killer videos. Is that a good thing, or is it just because nobody's looked in the cellar?

*hits you, owl, and shit with high-pressure attachment to hose* My cognitive function may be going, but my aim is still pretty good.

Yes, children. I know. Now get off the goddamn lawn.

Dammit, sponges, you've blown her cover.

Back when 50 Shades of Grey was a thing, I used to love the look on the face of little old ladies when they checked it out of the library. It was this wonderful furtive combination of "what if somebody sees me" and "say word one, bitch."

Now get rid of it. You don't invite random strangers into your house from the physical realm. Why would you invite them from any other plane?

You're cute, but you're not my type.

Jerry Springer

They're on sale, and if you have a sportsman's guide membership, they're an additional 10% off.

It may have something to do with supply and demand...thigh highs are not necessarily a high priority for most plus size women. In fact, this is the first time I've ever heard the dearth of them lamented, and I and many of my friends are varying degrees of excessive

Well, they say it takes money to make money. What are you waiting for? 😄

copypasta

@🍬Candy🍬 I meant the blue. In your hair. That you were less than pleased with.

DO IT! Draw a picture, or crochet a model of her.

Seriously, I can't see anything besides your eyes and the trees on your shirt. Did you get rid of the color?

I was talking about my mental illness - I'm bipolar I. As to yours, diagnosis isn't within my scope of practice, but most of the possibilities that spring to mind lack ICD codes or listings in the DSM.