Doom Metal Alchemist

Makes potato batteries with mashed potatoes.

Laughs like that one guy from Revenge of the Nerds.

Eats Chops his breakfast off on a mirror.

Independently published his first book, titled "Sorcerers, Wizards, and Mages: Know the Differences."

Pecks people's heads like Woody Woodpecker.

Yesterday I didn't want to get out of bed so I used 4 and a half hours of PTO so I didn't have to.

Works for me.

I'm 42, am I included in this scenario? I was never really a gamer in adulthood but video games were basically all my whole childhood was about and still a big part of my adolescence.

Frankly I think the real issue is that very loud very vocal evangelicals have turned the entire point of Christianity into hating on basically any group of people that isn't them, and for a lot of people that means hating a lot of good people and people close to them, and young people especially see this and think "fuck this" and leave the church. They stop that shit and young people wouldn't be so turned off and leave in droves.

My theory is the only guys who believe in it don't really believe in it and only pretend to to women because they know ALL women believe it.

Jesus Christ, RIP. I wonder if I woke up any of my neighbors when I read, "was murdered" in the OP and I shouted "WHAAAAAAAAAT". The murderer must really have some fucking logic. "Gays go to hell. Murderers? Nah, they don't go to hell, I'm safe." Twisted. Does King of the Hill have more dead cast members than Family Guy yet?

Smashes the ball under her foot any time she loses at ping pong.

Happy birthday!

Whenever he sees someone wearing socks with sandals, he spits on their feet in disgust.

Ok I must've forgot about the part where they dressed like Natives. *shrug*

I'm so lost here... Who the fuck blames The Boston Tea Party on Native Americans?

Implanting brain chips just to CONNECT TO THE INTERNET and experience VR, what could possibly go wrong.

I think the one and only time he and Jenny had sex was probably before she got it, so Forrest probably never got it.

Flip-flops don't even flip... They do flop, but they don't flip.