Mix

Is this an actual dog we're talking about? I feel the need to ask because you're involved.

You don't usually hear "best of luck," in these situations. I could be wrong, but it's usually something along the lines of "congratulations," isn't it? Sounds like you don't expect this to go well, lol.

America - "So how 'bout you give us the hostages and we give you Afghanistan?" Hamas - "What?" America - "It's an empty lot, freshly bulldozed. You can build the home of your dreams." Israel - "But, eh, if they accept the deal, they all have to go and Gaza is ours, yes?" America - "Dude, chill. I'm trying to do something here." Hamas - "What about the Afghans? Not to mention the Taliban. Where do they go?" America - "Look, lets not pretend you don't know how this works. You section off an area for them, build some walls, put up some guard towers, tell the world they are dangerous people. Come on, I gotta walk you through this?" Hamas - "uhhh, we're...probably going to need some weapons...to defend...ourselves." America - "No problem." Hamas - "Missiles?" America - "Sure, why not." Hamas - "Then it's a deal." Israel - "So you all leave Gaza and Gaza is ou..." Hamas - "Yes, yes, Jesus Christ, you can have the place, you lunatic." Israel - "Jesus?" Hamas - "I mean....fuck it, who cares, i'm out of here."

Happy Birthday! You get that thing I sent ya?

Migrants at the boarder are "invading barbarian tribes." Finally, somebody said it.

Woah, is this still going on? I guess my therapist was right, I don't care about anyone but myself. Though she did say that when she broke up with me, so it might not have been her professional opinion.

The more things change, the more they famous name

You have my sympathies.

I tell ya, the story was far more compelling

That whole new year glow wears off around mid January. People stop pretending things are going to be different.

That's a thought I had today on the subway. You get a lot of time to think on public transportation. It can be hard to do if you're not used to it.

At least that's what I told the judge. Stupid judge.....he's lucky I can't leap thirty feet in a single bound. Also, i'm afraid of getting shot......how the hell did they not shoot that guy, lol.

Get this, my man was facing charges of battery with substantial bodily harm. (foreshadowing) Prosecutor wanted prison time because of a history of violence. (good movie) Defense wanted a suspended sentence citing mental health history and successful completion of previous probation programs. (I don't have one for this)

Woah, he practically flew. I see athleticism, determination, focus. Get this man a Pistons uniform.

All it took was one youtube video, fifty autozone trips, a half dozen arson threats, a half dozen sincere apologies (to the car), several bargains struck and forsaken with a handful of deities, and one phone call to a mechanic. Easy Peasy

Have you ever killed anyone? How did it feel? Team Edward or Team Jacob?

My new years resolution is the same every year. Avoid prison at all costs.

Sent the pic to my mom. Her reply was, "it's pretty" My mom is a master of the insult compliment.

Not even George Santos was George Santos all the time.

Might as well. Every Ethiopian restaurant i've been to in America has not been....the best '>.> You want the real deal, you have to make Ethiopian friends and have them take you to their mom's house.

Shit, I forgot I was still George Santos. Actually, it might be funnier this way.

It's all spitting, choking, slapping.....and I don't even want to get into what I do to them.