Sir Teddybar Gut Fullung

Hardees?

They know you'll do such a great job though, man. Don't fight it.

That's awesome! Thank you for that.

Yes. Go to Burger King instead. Or better yet, go to Wendy's.

All of a sudden, it became a raging forest fire. Do I need to remind people of Smokey the Bear? (Or how about Smacky the Frog?)

Are you on some kind of newfangled birth control I have yet to hear about?

My favorite was Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3. Well, until they came out with the Underground series. Those were awesome. That and American Wasteland. I couldn't get into Project 8 or anything after that though.

I thought you were about to say "manscaping" for a second.

It's green. It's not easy being green.

Dude, that would so rule! I'd be all over that shit. I mean, uh, yes. That would be most ideal. I would frequent them much more often. We just have a McDonald's at the one across the street from us.

That's nothing. I usually attract people who respond randomly to what I'm saying.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that when the doctor took my parents away to medical billing, she jumped in my bed and told me to finger her. I was hesitant at first, but then she told me it would be okay. She slipped her panties off from underneath her black skirt. (She was wearing one of those skirts that are kind of wide at the bottom, you know?) I remember her panties, too. They were white with pink stripes. She may have been into the skater culture, but she still loved pink. Anyway, she took my left hand, and moved it to her pussy and told me to insert one finger and move it around, then a second, until she started moaning uncontrollably. I had to stop, but when I about to pull my fingers out of her, she French kissed me. So I ended up going until she came. And man, when she came, she really did come. She squirted all over me in the hospital bed. It was so much I needed a change of bed clothes. When she finally left the room, she blew me a kiss, told me her name (Mandy) and said, "When you get out, find me, or I'll find you. I really like you." Why couldn't she have come by my house during the summer? I told her where we lived. Oh, well.

0096

Cool.

Hey! David Bowie can wear whatever the hell he wants, even in death. He's David fucking Bowie!

Woot?

When I was a sophomore in high school, I wanted to be a skater. So one day near the end of the school year, I got an old skateboard and tried to learn how to skate. First time I tried to grind a rail, I landed on my back and tore a ligament in my right elbow. I had to go to the hospital, and that's where I saw who I thought at the time was the most beautiful girl I'd ever laid eyes upon. She asked me before I went into surgery what had happened. When i told her, she held my hand and gave me a kiss. After the surgery, she was there waiting for me. When my parents were in the other room, she reached her hand and grabbed my dick and started stroking it. I was about to start moaning, but she covered my mouth and told me to be quiet. I didn't moan, but she gave me the best hand job I'd ever had. Unfortunately, after that, I never saw her again until the beginning of junior year, when I found out she started dating some football player who wanted to kick my ass. (He had found out what happened and wanted to kill me even though my hand job happened before they had even met.) So I stuck to the skateboard video games, like Tony Hawk Pro Skater and shit. Lesson: Handies rule, kids.

FACEPLANT!

You can use that for hot cocoa, man. Well, and hot tea and coffee, of course.

Where's the one for Donkey?

Well, that's just awesome, man. Just...awesome.

Not me. Sorry.

Go to the movie?