little_girl_lost

The ads make me feel like the puppet comedy novelty wears off in about five minutes and then you're just left with a melissa McCarthy movie

They look more like scrotes

The Me

my first name is the name of a sandwich and not a very good one

baby when he was li'l

"Gently Used"

I wish someone cared about me enough to send me something special

I was thinking i'd wear Edward Scissorhands-gloves with a t-shirt that says "Free Handjobs"

i see it as people being so narcissistic that they can't imagine a world without them in it, so rather then accept their own death as a possibility, the end of the world is a far more plausible concept

I never took chemistry or physics, I moved around a lot and every new school made me take geology

thunderstorms here, I got cats in bed with me cuz they're hiding from the thunder

all i hear is jack webb's voice "just the tits ma'am"

I think he mentioned something that made her start sweating profusely

I like to think the origin of this is that the old man was looking up illicit content by searching for "butt videos", auto-correct turned "butt" into "Butte", and when the son saw the search history he decided to surprise the dad with a trip to montana, and the ashamed old man is really committed to the lie.

I've never been asked so nicely before

You don't ask for much, do you?

I don't question it, that whole family is weird

the latter is more unbelievable

I would have two pillowcases and a backpack and I didn't even think about going home until all of them were full

he and his cousin are taking his cousin's dad there cuz he wants to see it before he shuffles off this mortal coil i'm getting them car snacks for their trip, i'm packing tuna packets and fruit cups because I am making sure that they return their rental vehicle smelly as fuck.

done.