Lynnrael

well hopefully you'll be nicer to yourself. i know that's not always easy to do though

a counselor once told me "depression is rage turned inward" she was a terrible counselor though, so idk how useful that is. i have been using maladaptive daydreaming to generate energy instead of anger like i used to. may not be healthier but at least it's fun

yeah it does lmao

it's because we're not worth visiting

I'm aware of the efforts to errode access to care for cis women's reproductive health as an attack on reproductive rights and body autonomy in general. you should know many of the same fascists behind that are trying to legislate trans people out of existence in many of the same states. the reason i got access to care isn't because I'm trans, it's because i moved to a state where informed consent is the norm and where planned Parenthood hasn't been gutted. I try to always remind myself how fortunate i am to have been able to do that as much as possible. if i had lived in a state where access to reproductive healthcare was limited in such a way i guarantee you i wouldn't have access to hrt, and would likely have to DIY my transition. cis women who live near me aren't losing care to trans people, and likely have an easier time getting hormone treatment through their primary care physician than a lot of trans people would. our access to care does not take away care from cis women, and when we have access to care cis women are more likely to have access to that same care. i can't seem to find any info in regards to how many cis women can gain access to hormone treatments when needed versus trans woman or trans people in general who can access HRT.m. by sheer numbers I'm willing to bet more cis women get hormones than trans people of all genders do. but that's conjecture and ultimately irrelevant. the people attacking the rights of cis women are also trying to wage genocide on trans people. our fights are against the same people.

i bet a worm giggle would sound really cute

just to clarify, do you mean cis women? and when you said this is why they're pissed, about what exactly do you mean? i also don't mean ill will by either of these questions, i really just want to do my best to understand other people's perspectives on the issues faced when dealing with institutions and systems like those that compose healthcare. i understand if you don't want to answer and i know i can't understand exactly what you mean, but i would like the opportunity to do my best and try. i believe everyone everywhere should have access to all of the care they need, and no one should have to jump through hoops for it. i also believe cis women and all trans people have a common enemy that works to prevent all of us from accessing care we need and solidarity is vital in fighting against those efforts.

think i need some folk punk today. let's see how this gets us through the hard work part of my job

informed consent needs to be the norm. all i had to do was schedule a planned Parenthood appt and i had estrogen a few days later. I'm sorry you had to wait so long.

she likes me! i haven't stopped smiling since they called, she's so freaking cute and cool! idk wtf I'm doing but I'm excited for the future

my dad's wife sent me a text. i deleted it. the only things i want to say to her are mean and angry and it's just not worth faking otherwise to make her happy. if I'm being honest, i want to forget she exists and i want her to forget i exist. i hate her, and i hate that i do because she isn't even worthy of my hate. as of right now she doesn't know that. i don't know how to explain the ways she's hurt me, or how angry i still am. i don't think she's ever going to accept responsibility for that, or even acknowledge the harm she caused in any way. i don't think she's strong enough to grow and change as a person. she's had plenty of time to be better and she's still this pathetic, self absorbed bully. she can't even talk about racism without making it about her, and she's a fucking white women. what i really want to tell her is that she's my dad's pathetic attempt at replacing the worst qualities of my mom, thinking those are what made her strong and missing all of the important things. but I'm just gonna delete it and not respond. no good can come of this. hope she gets the message that i don't want to talk.

accurate representation of the inside of my head

i slept in till like 1:30 today. but my normal shift starts at 1 so it's not the extreme sleeping in that it sounds like waking up in the afternoon. not that i probably wouldn't sleep in anyways. but it helps that i don't have kids so my days off are mine.

that sounds really yummy

what's funny to me is my music habits are very much like your YouTube habits. I'll go from something like days n daze or escape from the zoo to, like, 100 gecs or the pom poms and then pivot into pop punk or something else. i have no idea how Spotify keeps up with me. I'm getting close to having 5k liked songs lol I'm surprised there's not at least a few trans guntubers. i bet there's more of a market for that than most people would think lol

ok, trying not to have a crush on this person right away, but she's so freaking cool. they even like video essays, too!

i don't pay attention to ads much on YouTube, but most of them seem to miss. i think there's been a few that are closer to being on target i guess. Spotify's music algorithm is pretty damn good for me though. i go through musical cravings and need something fresh to generate dopamine a lot, and when i start listening to a certain type it usually picks up on it and i get decent daily playlists pretty regularly. Instagrams ads have been really on point, and I've even clicked on a few on purpose, which is kind of unheard of for me. attractive queer coded people and products aimed at queer people is probably the biggest factor, though. YouTube really fails in that regard, because like I've gotten ads and content suggested that are very much not even remotely queer friendly. like, whose idea was it to put a homophobic chicken place ad on a video essay about trans rights? who thought that was a good idea?

one of the reasons I'm not looking forward to dating at all. it seems like everyone I've heard from who dates these days gets ghosted a lot, it sucks