Lynnrael

i regret that i have to choose between a laugh response and a thanks response to this

came out to my dad and grandma today, so, yeah, lot of emotions right now. everyone was accepting. my grandma is the coolest grandma ever, and was just so perfectly cool about it. it's not the first time someone's come out, her son, my uncle, is gay, so i knew i could trust her. i knew my dad would be cool too but i also knew it would be more of a shock for him and it was. he was very supportive but also i think he's also dealing with a LOT of emotions right now and i kinda feel guilty a little for feeling so relieved and good about things when i know he's probably feeling a whole lot of complicated shit. but, i know his feelings are his responsibility, and I'll have to trust him to deal with that. damn it's crazy how a day can go from unremarkable to significant based on a single decision.

watching Ghost in the shell: arise, and so far it's pretty cool. what has been striking me though is remembering watching GITS on adult swim back when I was a teen. i remember thinking that if i was going to get a whole new body I'd definitely want to look like the major. i was like "well I've already been a guy and assuming this tech was real and i could have any body i wanted and still be strong, why not?" and somehow i didn't realize i was trans for like another ten years.

transition timelines be like

isn't burning man just a place for yuppies and rich kids to get fucked up?

good for him

i just called my chosen name my real name without thinking about it, which feels significant for some reason. it's weird, you get used to things and they just kind of feel like they become permanent, until they're not. nothing is really permanent, but the illusion can seem so concrete. my name was one thing, and that was me, whether i liked it or not. more 30 years of being a thing, and it can be hard to feel like you have a choice in it. when I first picked my name, i loved it (still do of course) but it was hard for me to feel like that's who i am. now it feels like the name i was always supposed to have, even though it wasn't. My name is my name because of who I've been and the life I've lived. if i had been blessed to find out i was trans before puberty, I'd probably have an entirely different name. if i was cis i wouldn't have ever really had a reason to choose one at all. but I got to choose a name for myself, and i got to do so with 30 years of life to inform that decision. that feels special. that makes it feel way more real than my deadname ever did.

it's so small that if you took every cell in your body and laid them end to end you would be dead because we don't even have people who can fix that. that's how small it is

how the fuck is it already September i just barely got used to August. time needs to slow down also I'm pretty sure it was new years but yeah

i misread the title as copaganda