Lynnrael

I think i get it now, a lot of these drivers drive so passive aggressively because people who know how to drive at reasonable speeds remind them that the demographics of this state are changing and soon good drivers will outnumber the shitty cowards. im just a reminder of how futile their attempts to preserve a dying culture is. yes, I'm coping, but getting angry is only going to give them what they want, so

good things are happening. i got asked to go to a cool event thing with that person I've been talking to, and I'm really excited about it, and then i came up with a writing prompt on a whim and felt inspired to do creative writing! i haven't done that in ages, and it feels so great to just do it for fun, just because. it's hard not to feel like something almost spiritual is at play. like the universe is giving me signs, encouraging me to be creative. I've been thinking a lot about how creativity and agency go hand in hand, and how i want to exercise my own agency. i spent so long not feeling like a person, and now I'm finally getting to be one, and to figure out what that means for me. I'm really excited for the future edit: i posted my story in the arts and literature folder if anyone wants to read it

I posted a prompt to the writing prompt subreddit on a whim and then felt inspired to write a little story for it. wasn't sure where to post it but this folder seemed the most appropriate. not bad for a fun little thing I did on a whim lol and part 2: it's just a little bit of creative free writing, so it's not been edited and it definitely feels like it should be the first part of a much longer story. i might keep working on it if i feel inspired to, but I'm really just happy to do some creative writing again. it feels good.

i loved when customers did this, I'd be all cheerful like"that's wonderful news, you have a great day now!" and they'd melt the fuck down. so much fun

straight chilling is the only time I'm straight

it me

at this point I'm going to have to just embrace being awkward and hope it's endearing cause I'm not ever gonna be not awkward

thank you so much! that's super affirming for me lol

i need new glasses edit: oh god i started a new page and now my face is at the top, this is too much responsibility

i told my friend i didn't know why i feel so shitty right now, but that was a lie. how can i tell him that it's because i feel like I'm not good enough for him, and that that's all i want to be? he can't understand, the only way to find people who aren't going to be ableist about executive dysfunction in a video game is to find people who don't care about how good anyone else. we can't just find people who aren't ableist because EVERYONE who doesn't have a disability (and many who don't) are going to be ableist until they've done the work to unlearn much of what society has indoctrinated us all to believe. even he still has work to do, but i don't know how to explain that either. and then he has to go and be so sweet about wanting me to play. my goddamn heart hurts now.

this had better not be another intervention

i thought i was gonna get smol but after 6 months I don't really feel much weaker. i guess my job is enough to maintain my strength at what it is I'm honestly torn on what i actually want. being smol would be affirming but being strong is so useful and i feel a lot safer knowing i look like i can put up a fight