UwPp

I hit it with the check and dipped.

Bro. I'll talk about it. Eh hem... I went on a date today. The guy lied about his age, the fact he has 3 kids, divorced, lost his job, and also broke up with his gf, all while telling me he snorted coke up his nose and whatever else. ... You're welcome.

I love the viagra calls, especially working in cardiology. Like sir, I'll ask, but wearing a life vest seems a bit sketchy.

I get yelled at by patients every day because it's June and they can't be seen until December/January and they might die before then. ... I hate being on phones.

This song got me good for that scenario.

I had to Google to see who is credited for it. Apparently the guy was Greek and lived in Canada.

Who the fuck

My pp isn't big enough to do all these pissing stunts.

If pizza doesn't come from NY it's not pizza. .. Yeah I said it.

Pineapple pizza with ham and bacon smothered in hot sauce and dipped in ranch is the way to go.

Yay you can voice chat and play games without sounding like a robot. 🤭

Happy birthday 🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎁 🎊

I pretend I'm an orphan and tell them my mommy and daddy were murdered. .... Also. Had to completely change my number at one point a scammer told me voice was sexy and just kept calling my phone every 2 minutes.

I get stoned all day now. Working from home is great

I got friend zoned by someone who found a new girl that looks just like me. plz kill me.

Can I has coffee plz?

I made a PBJ.

Poop.

I've been feeling emoy the past few days. Like I'm bored with everything and everything just sucks. Blah.

I've bought the 2 lb jar of Hershey's milk chocolate spread. No regrets were made.

She's told me if she can't wipe her own ass, then she's ending it. But here she is 92 years strong. Wiping her own ass.