André Toulon Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 To anyone.....I'm not taking about, though not excluding, relationships. It seems like an imperative you are forcing on the other person even though you already know they love you, and then you'll get butthurt if they don't say it back. I get this guilt trip from my sisters, my mom....And yes, my lady friend. Mom is the worst, she'll say it and if I hang up by just say "bye" she'll text me saying "Well, I guess you don't love your old mama"......Seriously, if you weren't my mother I'd block you for this shit...... Look, if you know I love you why make this a continuous regiment of our daily interactions....And if you feel the need to verbally validate your love all 2-12 of the times you talk to me, that should be your cross to carry....Not mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sahockeygrl15 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I get what you are saying.. but you never know when the last time will be when you speak to that person... just saying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Still Me Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 well....I tend to say it as a passing phrase...like when I moved to Texas people would say "have a blessed day" which isn't something you hear in NY and it's considered kind of rude like "y'all"....but when people say it I say "thanks you too"...do I care if their day is blessed? No...do I care if they even have a good day...fuck no...but it's an automated response with no real meaning.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 I get what you are saying.. but you never know when the last time will be when you speak to that person... just saying Meh, I didn't get to say ILY to a lot of dead people in my life.....I've been ok.......But I did just consider I always say it to my kids, and they always say it back......So I may be imposing this same bullshit on them as well......I feel like they need to know it, and I have yet to have to feel the sting of them not saying it back, so THAT might actually get to me.....Don't know yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasqueradeOverture Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Compulsively, I cannot say it to anyone. Not even my parents. If the most I could conjure up is a Han Solo response that immediately results in a hypothetical future relationship to be broken off, so be it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAC Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Yeah I pretty much agree, I never say it first, unless I'm drunk and it's to my gf. Any other time it just feels like an obligation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rumb0 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I never had anyone say ILY to me in my life. My past few exes never said it once, my moms and pops never said it to me when I was a kid, and I never met any of my grandparents before. Got damn, never realized how cold my life was up until this week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Distortedreasoning Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 just a quick love you too, takes less than 3 seconds to say. not sure how it's such a big deal is. be happy you got someone that cares enough to tell you those words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leon Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 If you don't love someone, you can just not say it back, man. You're the only one making you feel bad about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 just a quick love you too, takes less than 3 seconds to say. not sure how it's such a big deal is. be happy you got someone that cares enough to tell you those words. It's a big deal because it's a useless platitude basically designed to force a response, lest it's testament to you not reciprocating the sentiment despite your actions clearly defining that you do love this person. But I've seen your posts.....You don't mind wasting words......Say it to your mailman if you like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 If you don't love someone, you can just not say it back, man. You're the only one making you feel bad about this. Well, this guy didn't read the OP and tossed out a non-sequitur response......./Narration. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoobdog Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 It seems that the real problem with this is that the word enables people's insecurities. Ideally, you should never have to say something that you could demonstrate, but you can't demonstrate love to the people that demand to hear it. More often than not, the word stands in for something you can't provide them. I've never thought it to be the little innocuous phrase to be thrown around to appease - it inevitably warns of an incompatibility. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leon Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Well, this guy didn't read the OP and tossed out a non-sequitur response......./Narration. A little of that, mostly because you were rambling but also because I knew what you were going to say. Going back and reading it, I was right. The other part of it, that you may or may not have picked up on, is that if you actually loved them then saying it to them is such a small and insignificant gesture that it can't possibly be burdensome. If you aren't on that level with them, then do you really love them at all? Or is it just a thing you say and treat as fact without really examining it. There's no reason to say it back just because you feel obligated. I would never do that and I have no qualms about leaving someone hanging on an "I love you" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 A little of that, mostly because you were rambling but also because I knew what you were going to say. Going back and reading it, I was right. The other part of it, that you may or may not have picked up on, is that if you actually loved them then saying it to them is such a small and insignificant gesture that it can't possibly be burdensome. If you aren't on that level with them, then do you really love them at all? Or is it just a thing you say and treat as fact without really examining it. There's no reason to say it back just because you feel obligated. I would never do that and I have no qualms about leaving someone hanging on an "I love you" But you would be wrong....I love my mother and my sisters.....I just hate that they attach this imperative to our relationship. These are the only people I would actually die for....The only people I actually answer their calls. Now in the situation of my girl is where you are even slightly accurate. I've told her several times that she only says it to get me to say it back, so I stopped.....But she won't go away, so I figure until she gets tired of my shit, I might as well giver her what she wants....... Had you read the OP and didn't try to mask your low comprehension level with claims of rambling, you would have caught on that this was never about my girl, but mostly about family.......BUt it's cool, you clasp, and you clasp hard to that notion that I don't love my mother and sisters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phillies Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life Don't try to make a pretty woman your wife Take my personal point of view Get a fluffy pillow to marry you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kudasai Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Those three words will never come out of my mouth unless I sincerely mean it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leon Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 But you would be wrong....I love my mother and my sisters.....I just hate that they attach this imperative to our relationship. These are the only people I would actually die for....The only people I actually answer their calls. Is that what love is? Oh, I knew this was about family. This is almost never an issue unless it's about family. And with family it's always the hardest to sort out how you really feel because they've always been there since you were born, telling you that you love them. And when I was saying that I have no problem leaving people hanging when they try to get me to say it, I was mostly talking about my family. In relationships it never really comes up for me because I just won't get involved until a certain threshold of caring is crossed. With family they just expect me to love them for no reason and that's when it becomes an issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Hound Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 To anyone.....I'm not taking about, though not excluding, relationships. It seems like an imperative you are forcing on the other person even though you already know they love you, and then you'll get butthurt if they don't say it back. I get this guilt trip from my sisters, my mom....And yes, my lady friend. Mom is the worst, she'll say it and if I hang up by just say "bye" she'll text me saying "Well, I guess you don't love your old mama"......Seriously, if you weren't my mother I'd block you for this shit...... Look, if you know I love you why make this a continuous regiment of our daily interactions....And if you feel the need to verbally validate your love all 2-12 of the times you talk to me, that should be your cross to carry....Not mine. I actually agree with you entirely on this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaBarney Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I love you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonSinger Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 But you would be wrong....I love my mother and my sisters.....I just hate that they attach this imperative to our relationship. These are the only people I would actually die for....The only people I actually answer their calls. Now in the situation of my girl is where you are even slightly accurate. I've told her several times that she only says it to get me to say it back, so I stopped.....But she won't go away, so I figure until she gets tired of my shit, I might as well giver her what she wants....... Had you read the OP and didn't try to mask your low comprehension level with claims of rambling, you would have caught on that this was never about my girl, but mostly about family.......BUt it's cool, you clasp, and you clasp hard to that notion that I don't love my mother and sisters. Come on, Buddy, just open your heart and say it! My serious answer is that you seem to have a problem expressing affectionate emotions to anyone who isn't one of your kids. It makes me stroke my invisible beard while saying, "Well that's interesting," in an Austrian accent, but I don't think that means a lack of love for your mom and sister. There are just people more comfortable returning those words than others. For me, it's awkward, but I don't see a cost in indulging someone I genuinely love. It can be selfish and insecure to try and prompt an "I love you" out of family(and can be abused), but that's also very human. Those words can make a person feel good for a little while, especially if they're at an age where they're contemplating their mortality. There could be a bunch of other reasons why your mom wants to hear it more often, and you could ask her why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 My serious answer is that you seem to have a problem expressing affectionate emotions to anyone who isn't one of your kids. It makes me stroke my invisible beard while saying, "Well that's interesting," in an Austrian accent, but I don't think that means a lack of love for your mom and sister. There are just people more comfortable returning those words than others. For me, it's awkward, but I don't see a cost in indulging someone I genuinely love. It can be selfish and insecure to try and prompt an "I love you" out of family(and can be abused), but that's also very human. Those words can make a person feel good for a little while, especially if they're at an age where they're contemplating their mortality. There could be a bunch of other reasons why your mom wants to hear it more often, and you could ask her why. Deleting that pic because I don't want that in my quote.....And I do indeed indulge them in this useless endeavor......I'll never be so crass as to question it either....It's just what it is. My question is why, and the only reason I asked you people is because I don't love any of you, whereas if I ask someone I love this, they will question my love because I questioned their constant oral announcement. I actually have no problem saying it to my girl because it's bullshit....I know it's bullshit, she knows it's bullshit, but she keep playing this game. So if even after me setting boundaries on our relationship several times, and you insist on testing the waters here, I'll keep feeding you the cowpies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rumb0 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 i love you Ty, but the last time a woman used the word 'love' directed at me, she was referring to my penis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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