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Bouvre's Adventures in Employment

Bouvre

By Bouvre
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Bouvre Superstar

Bouvre

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Posted

The other day I'm looking over my to-do list when I hear a PSSST!

I look up; it's my coworker.

"Hey Ethan, are you a pussy?" she asks.

I wasn't sure if I heard her right. "Are you a pussy?" she repeats, quieter.

I think about it for a moment. "Sometimes," I say. "Why?"

She motions me over. I think maybe she wants me to kill a spider so I ask how big it is. It's only when I get right up to her she says, "Will you choke me out?"

"Choke you?"

"I got the hiccups. Choke me out. It's how I get rid of them."

I've never choked a person before, but I abide because friendship sometimes means choking a motherfucker. She places my thumbs where its effective and I press hard.

Outside of my lack of concern regarding the customers walking by eyeing me as I continue, things are going okay until her arm starts twitching. She pulls away.

"Well that was weird," she says.

"Has that happened before?" I ask

"No. Start again?"

I decline. The phone rings. I return to work and watch some rando choke her as I take an order for burritos over the phone. 

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Zenigundam Monster Mutant

Zenigundam

Posted
Posted

I feel like at my job that would be a setup and I would get called into the office with my boss, the female coworker, a VHS security tape, and a police officer all present.

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mthor Super Hero

mthor

Posted
Posted
5 minutes ago, Bouvre said:

The other day I'm looking over my to-do list when I hear a PSSST!

I look up; it's my coworker.

"Hey Ethan, are you a pussy?" she asks.

I wasn't sure if I heard her right. "Are you a pussy?" she repeats, quieter.

I think about it for a moment. "Sometimes," I say. "Why?"

She motions me over. I think maybe she wants me to kill a spider so I ask how big it is. It's only when I get right up to her she says, "Will you choke me out?"

"Choke you?"

"I got the hiccups. Choke me out. It's how I get rid of them."

I've never choked a person before, but I abide because friendship sometimes means choking a motherfucker. She places my thumbs where its effective and I press hard.

Outside of my lack of concern regarding the customers walking by eyeing me as I continue, things are going okay until her arm starts twitching. She pulls away.

"Well that was weird," she says.

"Has that happened before?" I ask

"No. Start again?"

I decline. The phone rings. I return to work and watch some rando choke her as I take an order for burritos over the phone. 

When I worked in the nursing home, I had a guy ask me to scratch his foot. The catch? He was a bilateral amputee. So I had to scratch the air right about where his foot would have been. Not as odd as your encounter, but still, I've never seen anything in the literature about phantom itching.

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Zenigundam Monster Mutant

Zenigundam

Posted
Posted (edited)

Wow, so girls actually do this stuff. Once I go to a new job, provided they can't find warrants in background checks, I'll ask a new, legal age female coworker to rub my tummy because I'm having stomach paaiiinnnsss. 😦

And what will she discover? Abs of steel... 🐧

Edited by Zenigundam
Bouvre Superstar

Bouvre

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17 minutes ago, mthor said:

When I worked in the nursing home, I had a guy ask me to scratch his foot. The catch? He was a bilateral amputee. So I had to scratch the air right about where his foot would have been. Not as odd as your encounter, but still, I've never seen anything in the literature about phantom itching.

Seems like a pretty logical extension of the phenomenon. Did it relieve the itch?

Bouvre Superstar

Bouvre

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1 minute ago, fuggstop said:

You check and make sure she even had hiccups lol i think u were just sexually harrassed 

Haha nah she was hiccuping like crazy

Bouvre Superstar

Bouvre

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10 minutes ago, Zenigundam said:

Wow, so girls actually do this stuff. Once I go to a new job, provided they can't find warrants in background checks, I'll ask a new, legal age female coworker to rub my tummy because I'm having stomach paaiiinnnsss. 😦

And what will she discover? Abs of steel... 🐧

 

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Bouvre Superstar

Bouvre

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Posted
12 minutes ago, Nabloom said:

Real hiccup cure is a spoonful of mustard 

Mine is raising my arms over my head and breathing in and out slowly but deeply. Gets rid of them instantaneously for me.

Bouvre Superstar

Bouvre

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5 minutes ago, Opium said:

I'll give ya something to choke, pal, and you best be a pussy cause I ain't no gay fella

You'll always be gay in spirit.

Mewn Superstar

Mewn

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Posted
29 minutes ago, Nabloom said:

Real hiccup cure is a spoonful of mustard 

Ah, spoonful of sugar and a glass of water is what my grandma would tell me xD 

And it always worked so I never questioned it.

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Mewn Superstar

Mewn

Posted
Posted
Just now, Bouvre said:

We all have to be a freaky betch once in a while. 

Dis is true, but there's a time and a place xD 

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Cau Paragon

Cau

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, Bouvre said:

Your body is a slip n slide.

Which is coincidentally my favorite John Mayer song

Choke Me Out is my favorite Ceasar's Palace song.

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mthor Super Hero

mthor

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Bouvre said:

Seems like a pretty logical extension of the phenomenon. Did it relieve the itch?

Yes, it did. That was back when I was in high school, and, despite the thousands of patients that I've taken care of since then, I've never had anybody else with phantom itching.

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Opium Aristocrat

Opium

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Bouvre said:

You'll always be gay in spirit.

In that case you better watch your ass when u die cause I'm coming for it big time. In the afterlife no one can hear you clench

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Bouvre Superstar

Bouvre

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18 minutes ago, Opium said:

In that case you better watch your ass when u die cause I'm coming for it big time. In the afterlife no one can hear you clench

If anybody hears me clench it's because there's so much fluid between my cheeks.

Opium Aristocrat

Opium

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, Bouvre said:

If anybody hears me clench it's because there's so much fluid between my cheeks.

I'll stop by a shop and pick up some baby wipes and a good Tom Hanks movie we can watch after I wipe you down and load you up

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Poof Monster Mutant

Poof

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Bouvre said:

The other day I'm looking over my to-do list when I hear a PSSST!

I look up; it's my coworker.

"Hey Ethan, are you a pussy?" she asks.

I wasn't sure if I heard her right. "Are you a pussy?" she repeats, quieter.

I think about it for a moment. "Sometimes," I say. "Why?"

She motions me over. I think maybe she wants me to kill a spider so I ask how big it is. It's only when I get right up to her she says, "Will you choke me out?"

"Choke you?"

"I got the hiccups. Choke me out. It's how I get rid of them."

I've never choked a person before, but I abide because friendship sometimes means choking a motherfucker. She places my thumbs where its effective and I press hard.

Outside of my lack of concern regarding the customers walking by eyeing me as I continue, things are going okay until her arm starts twitching. She pulls away.

"Well that was weird," she says.

"Has that happened before?" I ask

"No. Start again?"

I decline. The phone rings. I return to work and watch some rando choke her as I take an order for burritos over the phone. 

i think u kinda got taken advantage of sexually

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Bouvre Superstar

Bouvre

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3 hours ago, Poof said:

i think u kinda got taken advantage of sexually

 

14 minutes ago, TrigunBebop said:

This really does sound like you might have been sexually harassed. O_o

Were this the case, which I doubt:

Meh. Could've been worse.

Bouvre Superstar

Bouvre

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9 minutes ago, fuggstop said:

Yah cuz theres no reason why she couldn't choke herself. Bish extra.

It might cause additional tension to do it for one's self, that makes getting rid of the hiccups difficult. But as somebody who doesn't try choking myself to get rid of hiccups, that's not a well-established theory.

Bouvre Superstar

Bouvre

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6 minutes ago, Distortedreasoning said:

man i would have just said fuck it i aint paid enough for this shit. 

I'm glad I got a good story out of it, at least.

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