Skiles

Way to flex on everybody, you jerk. (but srsly iz rly gud)

Sounds reasonable to me.

My dad is better than your dad at hide-and-seek. I still haven't found him after almost 30 years.

Win the points, take the game. Goooooooo sports!

That wonderful time of year when Omaha sees a peak in both sex trafficking, and old whites in khaki shorts. I can only assume those two things are related.

Just set it to Wumbo.

You're gonna be so mad when they activate the 5G in your bloodstream and steal your personal information while killing you with Coronavirus.

Is it weird that I enjoy sucking dick more than having my dick sucked? Asking for a friend.

The God's honest truth is that I'm almost certainly not going to watch it, because I don't watch stuff. But I am pumped for you, and I wish you success.

That just sounds exhausting, honestly. Who wants to fuck for hours? I'm good for like, ten minutes tops. Then my back starts sweating and I get uncomfortable and out of breath. Ladies.

I can't speak to your drinking habits, but man, my innards were pretty much liquid for a decent chunk of my life.

Enough where it got on the underwear, I'd say.

I mean, I assume it's a rare enough thing for most people that each instance would stand out.

At my worst with drinking, I probably did once a week for like three years.

You know, I don't think I've ever actually listened to that song. I've always skipped past it on the radio.

That's a personal question.

English to American is a pretty tough transition.

Dancing skills are a friendship prerequisite.

I love it when you talk dirty to me.

Like why does he say to look at our hands?

Cool, now the last five years of forgetting Mumbo exists is ruined, you absolute bastard, you. Don't make me summon hubbb to clog the front page.

THANK YOUUU @HamiltonProperty

My own personal stance is that God's not real and when we die, that's it. But people should believe whatever they want, as long as they, as a human, are not using those beliefs to harm or persecute other humans in any way. Same with people who fall closer to the end of the spectrum that I'm on. Do whatever you want, as long as no one is getting hurt, persecuted, or discriminated against. We're not here for a long time, so let's be here for a good time. Do what brings you joy at all times. Minding the qualifier I've stated, of course. As someone who can only remember stepping foot in a church twice in my entire life, I feel uniquely qualified to speak on this subject. That's my sermon on the mount. I gotta go to work.

I saw a man sitting directly on top of a fire hydrant once. Not leaning on the side. I'm talking on top. Like he was wearing pants, but the part that sticks up on the top of the hydrant was unquestionably pressed right up on his anus with all his body weight. It's still one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life.

I mean, it's not contagious. And when I say "next to," he was technically on the right hand side of the bus, and I was on the left side. Also, we can't just move about willy-nilly because of social distancing. I'm not trying to get smacked by Uncle COVID just because I was annoyed by someone who was near me.