First mistake, not naming it something really stupid
If there's anything living in this wretched hell hole has taught me it's that you have to name your menu items after patriotic things because people get massive boners for that shit
EAGLE DOG BOAT BURGER GUN TRUCK FRIES...TITTIES ( We start with a 1/3 lb all 'murica beef patty from a cow that was force fed nothing but mint flavored copenhagen and evan williams, upon slaughter the meat is then covered in bald eagle shit and left to marinate over a diesel smoke stack for 14 days until it turns just the right amount of "fuck commies grey" then to top it off, we send it to church to be baptized)