SwimModSponges

"For sure, for sure," I said as I listened to Terrell describe his fighting style. "Yeah I was never much into magic, when I first got to the Northridge University I took a couple basic classes in some of the schools, but nothing really stuck." I scanned over the various herbs I had produced from my pouch, finally picking out a bit of bark and popping it in my mouth. "I mean I can do most of what I'd need with herbcraft anyways; poisons, healing poultices, that sort of thing. Like I said, I learn best hands on. Orcs taught me pretty good this last year, everything from the aforementioned herbology to advanced spear and crossbow combat, and how to move quick and quiet in heavier armors. Gotta say though my main talent has to be charisma. You know how tough it is to talk your way into spending a year with an orc tribe? About as hard as trying to talk your way into an orc woman's loincloth. Not as hard as trying to talk your way into her sister's loincloth directly afterwards though. They say I have a golden tongue, although I suppose they mean it in different ways depending on whether or not its been inside them..." I spat out the chunk of bark after sucking out all the juices and leaned back. "Luck- that's one of the magics I put my faith in. Luck and Spirit journeys." I closed my eyes for a moment as I could feel the walls around me begin to breath, the sap I ingested flooding my mind with a kaleidoscope of colors. Suddenly there was a large crash followed by several surprised gasps. I opened my eyes to see a dwarven pirate walk up to the bar. "Fuck I might have chewed on the wrong piece of bark... Terrell you seeing this shit?" (new rule- if you add an NPC that's your NPC to control- that way if somebody is trying to set up a story nobody can steer you off track. for instance I'm not going to name the dwarf or give him a backstory or reason for being here- that's on you.)

All text, no real rules other than "yes, and..." GM is sort of free form, ideally I want everybody to write the story.

Y'all should make up a character and join us on a series of wacky adventures. It would be great fun.

"Barkeep, you old goat, I thought I drank the last of the good booze months ago!" I shouted at the inkeeper who waved me off as I brought the pipe back to my lips with a grin. "I've been called a rogue before," I said throat a strained throat as I fought to keep the smoke down. "I've been called a warrior, I've been called a scholar. A prostitute once called me a wizard..." I exhaled a few rings of smoke before continuing "But I believe they get paid to say that. I suppose if you'd ask me my trade I'd have to say I'm a freelancer." I picked up my halberd which leaned on the bar next to me. "Get it? Free lancer?" I made poking motions with the hafted weapon to really drive my pun home. "But seriously. I do a little of this, a little bit of that, honestly I just go where Time takes me. For the last couple of years I've been working on field research projects for the Northrange University." I opened the pack which sat beside me, revealing that it was filled to the brim with scrolls. "About a day's hike west and hidden within some very steep mountains you'll find the Gnur-rusk orcs. For the past year I lived among them, learned their customs, their histories, their arts, their women... Most of all though; their warrior poetry. The Gnur-rusk oral tradition is legendary, but it has never been transcribed until now. Earlier today I sent out a raven to Northrange, and I expect a carriage for me to arrive by noon tomorrow at the latest. It is truly the blessing of the great dragon of Time that we met tonight, nomadic monk Terell. I'm certain the professors at the university would pay to hear about your experiences with the giants as well." I took another massive toke from my pipe. "We hittin' the big city. Bigger city, more people- more chances to find more interesting people to travel with. It's unlikely we'll meet anybody else cool in this establishment..." "Hey Fuck you!" shouted an elderly farmer seated near the fire at the rear if the inn. "Oh you think you got what it takes to fuck up a dragon old man?" I shouted at the decrepit bastard. "For real though dude you party?" I said as I reached into my herb pouch and displayed a large array of berries, mushrooms, herbs, chips of bark, insects, and things that defy categorization. "Gnur-rusk herbology is second to none bro."

"Ah ha, my friend you are in good company. I too hold nature sacred," I said as I pat my herb pouch. "As for what I know of you friend, only what you showed me when you walked in, yourself and the identifying information on those scrolls you had." I sipped my ale before continuing. "Of course I always preferred hands-on learning over reading scrolls. We have that in common, I think. And I meant no offense by the shirt, friend. I only thought you'd be frigid from the rain. So what brings you to the middle of nowhere?"

I look over the scrolls covered in runes the shirtless stranger thrust in my face. Way too goddamn many numbers for me to look at in my inebriated state. I squinted at the top several lines of text, trying to decipher what I was seeing "Terrell?" I asked pointing to the top line. "That you? Well then howdy Terrell. You like ale? Barkeep get this guy an ale. Yeah I'll have one too. And a shirt if you got one. Hey listen-" I said as I turned back to Terrell, "I don't need your name rank and serial number man, I'm not in the goddamn royal guard or some shit. You want to tell me who you are? Tell me who you are." I glanced back down at his scrolls. "Judging by your traveling gear I'm guessing your some kind of monk? What're you doing all the way out here man? Ah, thanks," I said as the barkeep brought us our drinks and a shirt for Terrell.

@katt_goddess can I get a pin up in here? UEMB IMPROV RP GAMING THING. The idea: Y'all ever play D&D? Well I haven't but I hear good things. This is supposed to be sort of like that, or at least what I understand that to be. Make yourself up a character, come on down to a rickety old tavern in medieval times, go on quests and shit. I figure on just doing it on the fly, like you could say "(my character) finds a wanted poster on his way into the tavern's bathroom," then you can just run that quest for the rest of the people present. Hang on we should probably whip together some ground rules: 1. "Yes, and..." motherfuckers. Also don't just destroy shit other people are setting up or force your stuff onto theirs. Like if somebody's running a quest you can't be like "I kill the quest giver and decide to do this other thing I just came up with instead." 2. Hey you got dice? Google has a nifty dice roller. How many dice should you roll? As many as you want baby. When you wanna roll 'em? I dunno prolly when you wanna do some shit? How do I know you aren't cheating? That's on you mang. 3. We're just gonna start it. Session 0: Introduce Your Character "Can I get another mead over here?" I asked the barkeep. "Just sold you the last one, Chief." said the fat old man across the bar as a heavy rain beat at the thatched roof of the tavern, the constant drip of a leak not worth patching clanked into the metal bucket behind me. "Not much ale left either, but I've got a boat full of grog in the basement. An actual boat." I wanted to ask him what sort establishment he thought he was running here, but I knew the answer. I reached into my herb pouch in preparation to pack my pipe, reflecting on my surroundings. This shitty little backwater was the only place within a day's walk that had that sweet sweet mead. That had mead- past tense. Sneaking away from the tribe every few weeks for a quick nip was one of the few luxuries I'd allowed myself during the past year I spent learning the land with the native orcs. I've had enough orc grog to last a lifetime. I passed on the offer of more alcohol as I sparked up my pipe and took a succession of large drags, which were only paused by an explosive fit of coughs which issued from my burning chest. Orcs sure had some good goddamn herbs though. And the women, god-damn. "You say something there Chief?" asked the innkeeper. I wasn't sure whether or not I had, but then I was blazed. This was my graduation party after all. 'His training complete, the noble hero returns to the land of men...' "Chief?" asked the barman again. I responded with something resembling a 'huh? no...' as he waved off my question and answer and returned to peeling potatoes. I reached for my empty mead bottle and attempted to drink before I remembered the supply had run out. No matter- I left in the morning, so truly it was fortuitous that it had dried up exactly when it did. I said a quick prayer to my dragon god of Time, thanking it for the blessing of serendipity it had bestowed on me. I put the pipe to my lips; again ready to inhale the sacred time-dilating herb, when the door to the inn blew open from the force of the storm. "Well shit, how about that, a new customer." said the barkeep, rising to greet the first new face I'd ever seen in the dimly lit tavern "Howdy," I said as I turned on my stool, eager to introduce myself with the orc name I had been given during yesterday's ceremony. "My name is Chief Aldaganja. Y'all like to party?" OK now you go!

Wanna know something crazy? You're still dreaming. mind = blown

The ridges on this toilet paper rub my asshole uncomfortably.

*waves from a state where its still illegal to burn a plant*

I encompass all time, your zones mean nothing to me.

Mom came and gor her bottle today, said it was really good and the blueberry flavor came through strongly. She tried my other one and wanted to know why i wasn't bottling it right now. Because its not done yet.

Hell or high water Drowning in flames either way This fall, a collapse

I wrote enough words to be a mid-sized book that way.

I'm an orc druid called Cheif Aldaganja. I'm proficient in halberd combat, crossbow-pistols, and charisma. My patrong god is Akatosh, dragon god of Time.

I was aiming for the 2nd one.

Like i dont know, we don't have to be super formal about it with dice rolls and shit, but if we just had like, characters running around and doing quests and shit... Could be fun.

Meet Blueberry SeeWhatSticks and its younger sibling, cranapple acerglyn.

Nah Dave catches all kinds of fish, perch mostly. Then we usually talk about the squirrels in his backyard for a bit.

They're everywhere around here. We're being hunted.

What about folks at work? "Howdy Dave! Hey how was the fishing this weekend?"

Gonna bottle it today- share a bottle with the inlaws this weekend, promised a bottle to the guy at work i've been talking shop with, then probably a bottle for my folks. Hope i get that much out of there. Picked up a Mr. Beer on a whim for like $4 the other day too. 4 gallon brewing vessel that ill probably have to retrofit to make it worth anything. But hey cheap af so why not

Pretty sure I made this thread a few months ago.

Neighbor 2 doors down has a pair of unsnipped German shepherds as guard dogs in a fance behind his house, bark like crazy any time my dog is out. They invited us over to let them sniff eachother one time and the way those guys were trying to get through the fence was concerning. Anyways had my pup out the other day and the dude was playing fetch with them, one of them runs right to my pup. I was prepared to jump into the middle of it but they just sniffed eachother and the sheperds owner came over and got him. Thats the brother of the dude who got arrested outside my house, btw. Nice enough fellow.

I'm just going to ghostwrite this thing for him whether he wants it or not.